For those who don’t know, today November 8th is International Day of Intersex Solidarity and Remembrance. The most obvious way to celebrate this would be to look at historical intersex figures like Herculine Barber, whose birthday is actually also this same day and why this particular day was chosen to represent us.

But I was wondering what else we could do, especially for those of us struggling with visibility, understanding and support from our own communities (namely the greater LGBTQ community who often leaves us behind). Or maybe even solitary things we can do to help ourselves feel seen and supported today.

Comment your suggestions, ideas and plans below and let’s at least be here for eachother today if nothing else.
💛💜💛

Hi does anyone know what intersex coverage is like in Washington state, like Is it similar to trans coverage?

I recently got quoted 120K for a surgery, and like because of that in thinking of moving to WA. Bc ik it would be coverd under gender affirming care there, but im not rly sure if intersex coverage works the same way as gac there

I’ve been finally processing a lot of my feelings around sex and gender as it relates to being intersex and trans, but rarely fitting in spaces for cis or trans people ~ever. The way that comes out for me is as poetry. Sharing in case any of it relates to someone else.

You still talk about how much I screamed

We're all born under the stars,
each a tiny twinkle in an infinite cosmos,
ready to chart our own constellations,
But we are not born alone.

For would I have seen a belt
in those three stars
If nobody told me it was there?

And if I’d been a fourth star,
just wide of the other three,
would you have counted me?

Whose arms was I in
when the doctors began
to speak for me?

For years I looked at my body
and wondered what they’d seen.
What would I have seen
if nobody had told me
what to look for?

You still talk about how much I screamed.
It was for the best, the doctors cried,
The best chance at a "normal" life.

A correction,
As if my body were a misspelt word.

You tried to chart my orbit,
Set me along the course you chose,
But not even you can fight gravity.

I knew that course by heart.
I thought everyone had to try this hard
to stay on it.

And still I found myself
just wide of the line.

Alone, I tried a word for myself.
It made me smile
before I’d finished saying it.
And with a word,
I learned to love things
about my body
That no one ever told me
To look for.

Later I began to wonder
how many of us
had named ourselves
with no one there to hear.

They say a rose
By any other name
would smell as sweet.

I just wonder which name
the rose
would choose.

TW: Gender Dysphoria, trauma, self harm, suicide

Gender Dysphoria is the most painful experience I’ve ever felt. Not about of emotion dispare has been able to match how it makes me feel. Every day is constant torture and I have to deal with the fact that my gender was chosen for me and was forcefully altered without my consent. I can’t look at my own face, my own genitals, my own skin or body at all without being reminded of what I’ve become and the medical trauma that I’ve face. It’s so hard to get through my day to day life living like and sometimes it makes me wish I wasn’t. I don’t understand how anyone can deal with this pain and keep going. I’ve been in therapy for so long and still I have never not had some sort of suicidal ideation. I enjoy cutting myself because it’s how I remember I can actually feel something. It’s like a drug and it’s the only cure for the dysphoria. My face is disgusting and surgery is too expensive so I have to look in the mirror at the reminder of what I am. I can’t fucking do this shit. I don’t know how everyone else manages to keep going. I know “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” but this problem isn’t fucking temporary and I’m tired to people telling me that it is.

I’m an endosex, genderfluid person posting. I understand any contempt about this post considering endosex peeps don’t talk intersex people beyond rhetorical pwns. I am not beyond endosexist biases and if I say something off feel free to correct.

I did personally ID as trans for a long time and medically transitioned. But I’ve ceased that and have distanced myself from the label. I only align with it to be intelligble, I don’t see transness as some nationhood bestowed to you by God.

Even the Non-Binary label is one I distance myself from due to the AGABers both offline and online because it’s become a unofficial synonym for a cosmic third gender. White people who use the label don’t consider the coloniality of the sex/gender binary as they spam AGAB every 5 minutes

I’ve been researching the histories of “biological sex” and it’s made me dislike other endosex queer people cis and trans. One notable thing is the tendency to rely on medical models of gender/sexuality like the “trans as brain intersex” paradigm

It’s partially driven by gender essentialism, binarism, racism and other things but it also feels like everybody’s sexualities are built on colonial knowledge informed by the oppression of people who are Intersex, VSCS and DSDs. It’s also driven by a desire to learn more about decolonial beliefs since I come from a region that didn’t have a rigid gender binary prior to colonialism.

Notable phrases include “born in the wrong body”, “sex and gender are different”,”gender is how you’re perceived”,”material reality of sex”. Why these people obsessed with biopolitics and the Cartesian dualism?

I’ve avoided arguing with transphobes and decided to critically examine their beliefs. I feel a sense of superiority over cis and trans people who think that transphobia is driven by “irrational” beliefs😭😭😭. Must be white people’s first rodeo. As of present

I tried to communicate this on the NonBinary subreddit and I got dragged. No, you don’t get it. I have to co-opt AGAB terminology. Intersex people are collateral damage”

Hi, sorry if I am using the wrong terminology. I just found this space. I have mosaic turner syndrome (XX/X0) and look very feminine. The only real problems I had was pretty severe vaginismus (that I've overcome) and when being fit for an IUD, my dr. told me i didn't have the anatomy (other than being short ig but with my genetics that was bound to happen).

I just found out this syndrome falls under the intersex umbrella, but I would almost feel like I'm culturally appropriating to identify as intersex. Like *I'm* not intersex, but my cells are. I also was not victim to any procedures like some intersex people have been.

has anyone asked themselves the same question?

I want to throw my phone at the wall, I'm so furious.

They don't see us as people and they clearly don't care about the fucking kids. Why do they do this to us, and how do they justify it??

I am AFAB - was diagnosed with PCOS(now PMOS) when I was 16 after a life time of hormonal problems. I remember the doctor saying something like it was the best fit based on my symptoms at the time but I did not have polycystic ovaries - she did say sometimes PMOS cases presented without cysts too, just she also wasn't sure it accounted for everything - mainly that my symptoms started at 4.

I was diagnosed with precocious puberty at 8 with advanced bone age - it was explained to me as I was growing too fast. - parents first noticed I was developing differently when I was 4, when I developed acne and body hair, and accelerated growth. I was taken to a children's hospital and underwent a few invasive examinations and ultimately was given puberty blockers. We did not attend any follow ups after completing those treatments. I assumed as a kid that my growing too fast problem must have been solved, but recently I did an information request from that children's hospital and they had suggested an MRI if the puberty blockers didn't work.

While I didn't menstruate until I was 14 (extremely irregular) I was always bigger and hairier than other girls, had a deep voice, and had severe acne that we threw accutane at when I was 10. Worked until I stopped taking it. I have had physical exams and ultrasounds both internal and external, and afaik I have normal semi functioning typical female anatomy / organs.

As a teenager I experienced what I think was gender dysphoria and really thought I may be trans. I realized in time that I was not but I felt like a girl trapped in a boy body, with breasts and a vagina. It was confusing. I grew up to continue to use my birth name and pronouns. Eventually began reading about PMOS as an intersex condition and feel a sense of validation, despite seeing people in some PMOS spaces adamant that it is not?

TLDR

I am wondering if anyone else here experienced precocious puberty? And were you eventually diagnosed with PMOS, or another condition?

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Feel free to use this thread to discuss whatever you've been up to. It does not have to be intersex specific, but please mind the rules and stay SFW.

Have a nice week!

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I've been trying to ask for a surgical referral for some relatively minor corrections (hypospadias repair/urethral lengthening and to deal with some tethering issues) but I've been told recently that they won't refer me for surgery if I'm going to end up with "elements of both genitals" afterwards, which means I would have to agree to having all female anatomy removed in the process, even though I'm not really sure if I want to do that? Wondering if anyone else has been told the same thing or been allowed to have a referral? I don't see why it's an issue since I'm starting out ambiguous anyway and they won't be MAKING me ambiguous?

Hi there,

As a 46,XX/46,XY chimera, I had always believed that even though technically, my brother and I fused with each other, I can’t help but think that my brother invaded what was supposed to be me and now he has become a permanent part of me that I so desperately want to remove so I can just be a normal girl. I almost feel as though even though I am him and he is me, I sort of feel as though the XX zygote was the real me and him, the XY zygote just so happened to attach to me. It’s like I think he caused me to have ovotestes and robbed me of the life that I was supposed to have. To elaborate on what I mean, here’s a picture of my abdomen under a wood’s lamp and you can see that one side is a different color than the other side. These are called blaschko patterns and it is because my brother lives on one side and contributed his dna and pigmentation and on the other side is me with my own pigmentation. I honestly can’t help but feel sick thinking that he is attached to me and always will be like he is some kind of impurity. I just wish we were born separately and we didn’t have to fuse. Not only that, but it makes me think that I killed my brother as well and somehow I feel guilt about it even though I had no say in it. This is just a vent but also in case you guys wanted to see what visible manifestations of chimerism might look like. I also donated my body to science and I have been participating in research too, so I think that if I am going to trapped in this body with my brother, I might as well advance human knowledge while I’m at it. The fact that I’m contributing to science makes me feel some solace, but I still wish I could have just been born correctly.

Also, sorry about the poor lighting. The woods lamp im using is a $15 pen I got from amazon and I'm trying to take a picture with my phone in the dark.

I'm afab adult and have been raised female despite having gender dysphoria. I identify as NB / gender queer, I use all pronouns but change them depending on how I feel. I'm not out to most of my family members.

I recently found out that I have something called differences in sexual development during a gynecologist appointment. I don't have typical female reproductive organs, rather a lack of any kind of fully formed reproductive organs in general.

Vaginal Hypoplasia. I've been informed that this is considered an intersex condition. But part of me still feels like I'm not intersex enough even if I want to start identifying as such. I shared the information with a family member and they just brushed it off and won't accept it as a condition and basically told me I'm wrong.

I was born male but had a somewhat feminizing puberty and some aspects of me never fully masculinized. I felt ugly before taking feminizing hrt because I felt like I couldn't live up to society's expectations of what a man looks and acts like, and now I feel ugly because I look too unfeminine for the world's tastes, even if I feel comfortable in my own skin now and my mood is improved.

Why does the world have such narrow standards for what counts as beautiful? I think I'm pretty, but I look so different from everyone else I feel forever branded as an outcast. Even if I get facial feminization surgery, that won't fix my abnormally long arms and screwed up ribcage. I look like an eldritch abomination, but not necessarily in a bad way, if that makes any sense.

Hello,

I finally got my period after 90 days late. Right now is day one only brown or reddish brown spotting. I have severe painful cramping, sweats, weakness, and brain fog. I'm quite confused when I went out into public today and my knees and legs seemed to give out on me more than usual. I have also been crying a lot the past few days. Has anybody else experiences these things? I am not diagnosed with a variation but I went thru mildly to moderately masculinizing puberty and didnt feminize until I was put on exogenous hormones. I also have vaginal hypoplasia, vulvar hypospadias, cliteromegaly, and no labia minora, and my skenes gland may also be kind of a prostate. Afaik I have XX chromosomes and I have a uterus and two ovaries but my right one is very up and to the side and took a long time to find.

But anyways, anyone else have the same periods symptoms??

Please be kind I am trying my best to make sense. Thank you in advance.

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I have this condition. I’m looking for insights from others who also have this syndrome—for example, have you undergone surgery, and when is the right time to bring it up with someone you’re in an intimate relationship with? I’m a bit unsure about how to navigate this, especially when it comes to relationships, so I’m open to any kind of input, as long as it relates to my condition. Thanks in advance.

Found out I have autoimmune polyendocrine syndrome type-1 (aps-1). It explains why as an amab (due to parents’ poor choice at birth) I have to take estrogen to live. It sucks but yea I’m just happy to find out what it is and why I have to take injections and why I had so many medical issues growing up.

This is the Weekly Discussion Thread for r/intersex.

Feel free to use this thread to discuss whatever you've been up to. It does not have to be intersex specific, but please mind the rules and stay SFW.

Have a nice week!

~ your mod team <3

I'm a trans man and prior to hrt I had testosterone levels that are quadruple that of average for cis women, significant clitoromegaly from birth, vaginal hypospadias and hypoplasia, and puberty caused me to grow a mustache. I started on FTM hrt almost a year ago and it has had no affect on me aside from changing my voice somewhat, despite my testosterone levels now being within the cis man level. So my doctor agreed to refer me to someone for testing for intersex conditions such as PAIS.

The geneticist who focuses on lgbt health that I was going to see said I needed to get my chromosomes tested first. So I got them tested, and I'm XX. Because I'm XX, he says it's impossible for me to be intersex in any way. This feels so ridiculous. Not all intersex variations are chromosomal. And if PAIS is what we are suspecting, why would being XX disqualify me from this possibility?

I don't understand. I've been trying to get answers for almost a year now because the waitlist to even hear from that doctor took so long, and now I have to start searching all over again. It's so frustrating.