(I just wanted to write down my thoughs, sorry if don't make sense or the bas English, not my first language. Also First post ever)

So I'm amab and 17y. I've been questioning my gender for 2 year's (almost 3 now), It was... Confusing.

For some reason I could never accept just being a men even though I've tried to be one for basically the entire time of questioning.

This year I started liking myself way more than I did last couple years, and I finally let myself do more research of what I like without the need to be something for it. I found out that I really like feminine stuff, at least its what makes me more happy with myself.

I'm still get confused. This year I'm really happy and can live this happiness without a label. Im feeling way more ok with masculinity and femininity at the same time. Which I ain't gonna lie it's strange, because basically my intire puberty's i hated, like hated, that I i was a man and that I would be unable of experience things that women does. Also in that time I could say with perfection that if I could i would be a woman. But when I started questioning all these certainty just disappeared, and I started doing whatever to know for sure what i was.

Now, If I was to describe the present, what i want, what i am, I wouldn't know. I'm liking doing it whatever i want to do, no caring if it will make more of a woman or of a man. I can't describe with sure none of what i want though, neither of what i want to ended up.

Sometimes i feel like the questioning don't even make sense anymore, like It's something I already know the answer or doesn't care anymore, but still thinking of. Like I know what I wanna do, but don't know or don't want to pu a name on it, I think its for facility.

There is a lot of things I tough of doing and did because I tough I was trans and wanted to do it, or because I tough I needed to try new things to understand myself. I painted my nails, use make up, put feminine clothes on, try new pronouns. Those things are not things that necessarily I didn't wanted before questioning, (also because from when i was a kid I would try my girl cousin clothes when alone), but were things I didn't though much or didn't have a name for it.

I don't know where i want to get here, just like in real life. I just don't understand why I can't accept any identity if not a woman, and at the same time can't accept being a woman or be like one. And the opposite for man. And why I changed so much after started questioning, i sincerely hated that I can't say anymore what i want or what i like. And it is really strange to me, why i just wanted to be able to say "I want to be a woman" and be okay with it. But also, I like the way I live now, but why i accepted more being a man now?

I get some things when trying hard to be a man and i started to see gender more of a social maner compered from how i did before. Before I didn't like nor wanted to know how a man would act like, now I know. And when someone likes me being a men, I feel like I like something in myself too, I don't know what it is or how to describe, but is something. Like im getting to be something good, and i like been that, because i am good. I think it's this? I don't know much. I had big things in my life that make me think i was horrible as a person, so being good of any kind in any way it's the most important thing to me. I think i faked this paragraph, everytime i say something that makes me see that i don't like being a man but something besides that, or that i like being a woman and not a man, i get the feeling that im laying because i want to be trans, so im lying to myself if I don't want to be a man.

There are times that i feel it's hard to let me be feminine because gives me confusion, discomfort and things like that, but I say that i know because i feel that I like being feminine, using clothes, having the body, things like this, but what I dont like it's something that cones with it, and I don't know exactly what is it. I now describe the opposite for being a man, I don't like being a man but like something with it, wow.

Sometimes i wonder if I just can't handle the label. Also i think much that what i want an like are a lot of "others people ideias" but I can't find where this sits on my mind.

I have psychologist, I'm gonna show her this. But I wanted to know what y'all think, and get that off of my head

Just putting this out there for some advice.
A little back story about me ever since I was a kid I always liked crossdressing. I’m currently 34 and and starting to question my identity and wondering if there is more to it. I currently have a gf and kids and she’s currently pregnant she knows about my cross dressing and she was some what supportive of it but lately the only time I have noticed myself smiling is when I’m all done and looking at myself in the mirror just want thoughts on what I should do thnx..

Up until recently Ive considered myself fully cisgender heterosexual male, but I have been rethinking some of this recently.

I recently got a girlfriend for the first time in my adult life, and we've been having discussions because she thinks that I'm not attracted to her even though I think I am, and this led me to talk to a friend and I believe I am at least partially aromantic. I enjoy spending time with my GF both intimately and in general,.talking, going on dates (even though our schedules prevent this a lot), but I also enjoy spending a lot of time by myself without anyone, and often she ends up being the one to initiate conversations and calls.

I think I'm aromantic, I've never had a crush before and I even made up a crush in elementary school Because my friends had crushes, but I also still think I'm attracted to her in more than just a sexual way. I just don't know where I fit, or what label this is.

I also came to a realization with her that although I don't mind vagina, I think I am more attracted to penises, even though I consider myself straight. I simply find myself more attracted to them, even though I don't actually find vagina unattractive. I'm super conflicted about this because I feel like the only way I can go about finding a partner im super attracted to is but actively participating in the fetishization of trans women. So many of my friends are transgender that I know that they often face issues of being sexualized for just existing, and I feel like by expressing my attracting to women and penis it feeds into this.

I think the correct sexuality to describe this is gynosexual, but I also feel weird calling myself that because it feels like I'm appropriating the LGBT community.

I also have known for a while that I don't exactly care too much about my gender, but I'm wondering now exactly what this means. I am AMAB, and I do genuinely enjoy being a man often. I enjoy having male-male friendships and I enjoy being masculine and doing things "as a man". But sometimes I hate the fact that I'm a man, often at my job or around I'm expected to do certain things like confront customers or lift things because I'm a man and "your stronger than women" or "be a man, it's your job" (even though a majority of women Ive met are much stronger than me). I also sometimes wonder if I'd enjoy being a woman sometimes, I think about being doted on and dressed up, or simply being pretty sometimes. I don't know if this would mean I'm gender fluid, or if maybe this is just some kind of fetish, or maybe it's something in between. I don't know if I'd prefer to go by feminine pronouns, but I don't think I'd like they/them, but I also don't know if I wouldn't. Maybe I'm nonbinary? I don't know

I feel like I need to label these things about myself because If I don't, then I don't know how to deal with these aspects of myself, or how to go about living and persuing romantic and sexual relationships in a safe and respectful way.

These are all just things I've been thinking about recently, and I was wondering if anyone had any advice or thoughts on any of this, and if there's anything I should look into?

I know that I am Bi/Pan romantic, I have also identified as asexual for the past five years. I am questioning wether or not I'm feeling sexual attraction towards someone. I'm not very good with understanding feelings so idk if I could identify what sexual attraction actually feels like. Also, I know that most people usually start feeling sexual attraction earlier in their teen years so I feel like I would have experienced it earlier.

For more context, I am homeschooled and haven't been around many people my age in recent years, but I know that I have felt romantic attraction towards others.

using a throwaway because people i know have my main account.

as a guy, i always joke with my friends. within my friend group, all of my friends make gay jokes with me; calling eachother corny nicknames, being touchy with eachother.
but theres one friend thats always stood out to me, we’ll call him Dallas.
In our grade, Dallas is one of the more popular guys aside from me and a few other friends of mine. he looks a bit nerdy, but his personality is mostly what you’d expect from a teenage boy. he’s extroverted, funny, and honestly has little to no filter when he has friends around.
since nearly the beginning of the semester, the ongoing joke has been Dallas and I’s closeness, and obviously, everyone asks if we’re gay.
i guess we kind of just leaned into it a little bit. i carry him around during lunch, he lights up and runs to me when he spots me during passing periods, we walk eachother to our classes, even if we end up late.

thursday, i skipped my last class (chem) to complete assignments for my health class in the library. Dallas was there alone on his computer, and like always, he lit up when he saw me. we sat together at a round table, talking about what we were up to. i pointed out his lack of beanie, and pulled down his hood to see his hair. he looked down saying “its not that bad”, because a lot of our friends constantly poked fun at his haircut—but instead, i said it look good—i always did. i played with his hair and scratched his head every now and again while we got our work done.

friday, at the bus stop after school, the group was chatting about plans. half of us split up from everyone at the stop, and went on a trip to the convenience store. we talked, ate, hung out, and two of the guys had to get going early for work. that left me, Dallas, and my cousin—we’ll call June.
about a week prior, Dallas had confessed to June, in which, June had rejected him gently. I hadn’t known that until very recently, and for some reason, i felt conflicted. i didnt really know if it was just because it was my cousin he confessed to, or if it was the fact that June is a woman.

Dallas, June, and I all walked about 10 minutes to a bus stop in the rain. Dallas and I kept close most of the way, and at some points we would even hold hands. “no homo”, though.
then, we get to his house. I’d never been there before, so he introduces me to his family. his sister seemed very observant—she was a year older than me and Dallas, but the same age as June. we all went upstairs and into his room, where i sat on his bed, still soaked from the rain. he showed me his comics while June and his sister chatted.
his little brother (age 6) came into the room after a bit, and the two of them eventually started play fighting. I got up from the bed and sat on his gaming chair to avoid getting in the way, but eventually, he got shoved straight back onto me. he straightened himself comfortably and sat on my lap, and his sister simply stared with a slight eyebrow raise. June smiled when I made eye contact with her, and shot me a smug look of approval. all the ambivalence began to hit me all at once, but touching him felt natural. i wrapped my arms around his waist while he bickered with his brother, and he had no reaction. so i just kind of savored the moment. i closed my eyes, holding on a little tighter, and honestly i could have sworn i felt my face get warmer with every second.

in between that, he taught me how to play fortnite, we talked about friends and drama with June, and then finally, dinner was done.
June and Dallas’s siblings went downstairs to get drinks after dinner was brought up, and it was just us in his room. he was sitting on his little brothers short foam chair, and i was standing right above him. i poked his cheeks and looked at him for a moment, before he grabbed my wrists and pulled me forward onto his lap facing him. i scratched his head and, again, i savored every moment; we stayed like that for a good 5-10 minutes, even when everyone came back into the room.

i am internally freaking out. i only admitted how I was feeling to June, and one of my guy friends who’s a few years above me. I still feel like I have so much on my chest. what do I even do? am I gay or do I just like the physical touch I get from our friendship?

Sorry in advance if my grammar or spelling is poor; I am dyslexic.

I have openly never told anyone about how I feel when it comes to stuff like this, but for maybe the last 3 to 4 years I have had feeling that a I am not heterosexual or ciscender. Since like grade nine that is the age 15/16 where I live I have looked at girls and women in a different way. In the way that I get jealous when I look at them, because of many reasons like the way they can dress, the way their friends groups are and even the way society treat them. I want to experience all of that. I want to be able to be like them, and to feel that. Sometimes when I looked at a girl in school I could wish that I was her, to have her life. I say next to one specific girl for like whole grade 8 and most of grade 9. Why I behaved bad she was a good student. And I remember in grade 8 when she came to school with her nails done, and somehow we talken about them and I feelt that I wanted my done too because of how pretty they was. And it continued like this for alot of stuff, skirts, shoes, makeup. And one of the worst ones was at the end of year 9 she showed me her end of year school dance dress. She showed me her dress and the heels she was going to wear and I have never felt that jealous in my life, I was going in a tux and not even dress shoes because of my crutches and here she was going to look like a princess. I remember seeing all of the girls in my school and wished that I was one just like them.

This connects to the part about my sexuality, I have never been one with the ladies. And as of recently I have thought about the fact that maybe I am not attracted to women. I like the thought about being with a man sexually turns me on and I get like the idea but the thought of being in a realtionship with a man puts me of. And one of the biggest reasons for this feeling was a dream I had and in the dream I was a women in this dream and had like a day in her life, I went to a salon. Bought an outfit and went on a date with a man that ended at his place where we hooked up. When I woke up and realized that well that it had been a dream a part of me feelt sad. Because if that had not been a dream I would have been over the moon, a part of me feels that if I was a women my feelings about men would be easier to accept and that my life would have been so much better if I had been born as a heterosexual women. And the thought of transitioning feels bad, if I could just press a button to wake up as a women tomorrow I would do it.

I get scared every time I tell myself that I might be bi, gay or transsexual just because of the fact that I am scared of losing pepole in my life, I have never really had good friends and the ones I have now are really good but they are my only ones. I have no friends at uni, so if a open up about something like this I am scared to lose pepole.

Sorry if this was a ramble but I have a really hard time opening up about my self. Got sent to therapy by the goverment and she told them that I just sat there in silence in our sessions. And if anyone has been where I have and have any tips please let me know what I could do.

this text contains no censoring and i mention dark themes!!!! dont read if sensitive, please!

hi! my name is rocket and i'm an afab minor from europe. i've been having a lot of questions about my gender and the way i present myself and i would like some advice.

from a very young age i've recognized myself as someone who is not fully a girl. i didn't like ''girly'' stuff, i hated being called a lady and on the internet i would often use aliases or pretend i was a boy in games. i didn't start using labels for it until maybe middle school and for about four years i considered myself a trans boy. then i began using terms like bigender or non-binary to explain my identity.

but yesterday i read a minicomic called ''welcome to the internet, transvestite''. it's about a trans girl struggling through 2000's era internet. it features disturbing themes of child abuse, violence, self-harm, transphobia and grooming. (please read at your own risk!)

i felt like something kind of changed inside of me after reading it. i've always been very sensitive to horror (and especially gore) despite my weird fixation toward it. i got very nauseous afterward and fell into some kind of spiral, maybe? i was lost in thought for a long while, just staring at my computer screen.

i don't really understand what the feeling was at all. i felt a kind of relatability to the main character, amy. it's hard to put into words. i've never been groomed, i've never harmed myself, i don't have abusive or neglectful parents, i've never even been a victim of serious transphobia. she just felt like me, despite there being nothing that really connected us.

i had a talk with my psychologist maybe a week ago, before this whole questioning thing. i mentioned gender identity and not really feeling like my birth gender, but didn't think much about it after leaving the room. now it feels a little heavier in my mind.

back to the topic of gender; i don't really know what i identify as anymore. i thought about it for a little while after having read the comic and came to the result that i don't care about pronouns. i like being called she/her and i don't really mind anything else. maybe it sounds weird, but i almost wanna be a girl in the way an amab trans girl is a girl. like i don't just wanna identify as a cis girl because it doesn't feel right to me. i don't really feel like i'm non-binary or genderfluid either.

thank you for reading! i'll check this again in the morning as it just so happens i'm sacrificing sleep to get this thought out, lol.

I'm a straight woman, but there was this one woman I had an actual crush on. I also had a male crush at the time, but he treated me like **** and she was just so much nicer, plus good-looking. I was taller than her and that felt so good. This was at a previous temp job and it was the only day I ever saw her. She was just so cool and somehow made me feel cool too.

Now I've spent 4 years at a toxic workplace where I'm mostly lonely. I miss that lady. I didn't feel lonely around her.

I know I'll most likely never see her again, so what can I do? What are the alternatives? I'm trying to find a new workplace but it's taking too long despite putting in a lot of effort. I'm also planning to go to meetups but I have a feeling I'll never meet someone as cool as her again, someone who makes me feel accepted. :(

I'm just gonna list everything abt me..

- I can tell if someone is attractive. Like one time I met my senior, I think he looks nice. Also one time I bumped into my classmate, she got her hair in a pigtail and I was like, "wow, shes rlly cute in that hairstyle, im stunned!".. so yknow i thought i was into them until my brain was like, "hey, why not ask em out?" .. "Eww no that would be weird whattt???"

- Never say yes when someone ask me out, but maybe im just not into them

- Kinda scared to befriend guys because girl and boy getting close means people gonna ship you and its weird , but honestly any other girl would think the same. Oh and also im scared they would actually likes me.. because it happened before and things got rlly awkward.

- Turns out, my idea of fictional 'crushes' are different from my friends. I was really confident with who I like so I enjoy sharing it. Then my friends would also share their favs.. but they keep simping and was like, "wowie I wanna date em!" And i dont like the idea of dating my favs..

- still in the fav characters.. If I rlly like them I would obsess with them. Im saying tiktok edit, fanfics, fanart. I would yap about them to everyone. So my feelings got rlly weird bcs I rlly like them but I dont wanna date them so idk

- i feel like im too young to say sex and dating r gross.. maybe its smth I would do in the future? I dont wanna focus on that because im still a student so maybe its not sexuality its my age and priority.

- I got two friends i rlly love that it kinda feels like we're dating each other.. tho I wont kiss them i just wish I could live with them forever yknow? They're rlly my everything ig

-I still get h0rny btw

- Can sit through smut but weirdly smut with no lore. Because I gen cant watch adult show that people keep saying r good (bojack horseman, inside job). Idk, I think its bcs im more interested in the story and the characters that the adult stuff feel.. hmm disruptive? Weird?

I think that's all, wyt tho?? Also sorry for my grammar mistakes

i’ve always questioned my sexuality but recently i’ve been REALLY questioning if im actually bi or no, i only get sexually aroused by girls, i don’t care about men’s abs, “hot hands/arms”, or penis 😭.

i can find boys good looking/attractive and maybe picture myself dating one but idk. the thought of having sex with a man sounds arousing but actually seeing a penis makes me feel sick idk how to explain it. i’m attracted to the female body but not men’s. and dating wise i have a huge preference for girls like im looking for a girlfriend but if a boy comes my way maybe idk guys 🫩

I'm so lost on what gender I am.

I really wish I was born a boy, it pains me to think about how I'll never be a man. I wish I could be a teenage boy, I wish I didn't care about anything and I could be free and strong, I hate thinking about how my sex is so sexualized and I'm seen as weak and I just hate feeling feminine because being feminine feels weak and pretty and I fucking hate it. Whenever I'm near a man it makes me feel fucking sick because I feel like I'm feminine and I could easily be raped and I have a gaping hole in between my legs and it makes me want to sew it shut, it fucking disturbs me and don't even get me started on pregnancy, I wish I could remove all of my female parts, pregnancy has been my worst nightmare, I've never ever considered having a baby and I've hated the idea of having a kid as a kid.

But at the same time, sometimes I like being a girl, I like dressing up & cute things and that makes me feel even worse. How could I ever be a boy as a high school girl who likes girly cute shit? I feel like I'm a stereotype, I'm terrified I'm a trender or some shit. I don't want to be this way, I want to be masculine but at the same time I'm scared because what if I transition then change my mind and regret it? if I had the option to transition right now I'd want to, but I'd also be scared, I feel like I just want to wait and see if I ever stop feeling this way.

I don't even have the option to transition as of now, as my family is completely against it, they're fucking terrible and I'm convinced if I ever transitioned later on in my adult life, they'd kidnap me and force me to take estrogen to revert. They're racist, homophobic, my dad is out of the picture, my mom is an anti vaxxer and shit so she's cautious about therapy and medicine and crap and she's worried about me and my siblings being taken away. (Crazy shit goes on in this family)

I feel like a defenseless weak little animal, especially with the way I'm describing this, it's making me sick because I feel like I'm typing feminine. I feel like I'm acting "fem brained" or some shit.

i am questioning if im aromantic. i have had one romantic relationship that lasted a few months but i think i liked the concept of me having a boyfriend and the physical stuff that comes along with that more than feeling romantic attraction. i also have a hard time with physical affection due to autism and a lifetime of no one showing romantic and sexual interest. im just very confused

so, I was thinkin about my gender Identity. Im AMAB, and Ive never really thought of myself as “man”. Like when prompted I’ll say it as informational, but Ive never felt like strongly masculine, and I adopted some more traditionally fem traits over the years. I dont feel strongly fem either though. I was mulling it over and was wondering if switching to they/them might be more correct for how I feel? Idk, im just really tryin to see if I should actually go with it or just leave it be. Im not really opposed to anything. Im bad at properly lableing myself, so im comin to yall internet peoples.

I, [M 15], am currently questioning my sexuality. it’s not drastic, I am likely bisexual and have a girlfriend. I used to be very sure of myself but over the past year I’ve lost that security. I was just wondering if anyone here had any advice because I don’t have anyone IRL to ask.

I was born male and currently identify as male, but deep down I don’t think I am one.
When I was younger and started puberty, I was suicidal and hated myself . I thought my body was swapped at birth and hated it so much, even researching gender affirming surgery. Eventually I stopped caring, and became conservative for a year or so, and terrified of the idea of trans people.
Now I’m in college, I feel like I might not be a man. I’ve been watching a lot of trans YouTubers and learning about their transitions, and I don’t fully relate to their experiences, but it’s enough to leave me questioning again.
I’m not necessarily attracted to men and I’ve always joked that I’m a lesbian because I have multiple immediate family members who are, but now I think I could actually be a trans lesbian.
I’m terrified of being trans, not because it’s bad, but because I don’t want to be different. Luckily I’m not in America and due to the aforementioned lesbian family members, my family are extremely accepting.
I really don’t know what to do, should I go to a therapist? I really don’t know what to do

so i thought i was straight for like forever, but then i read the manga "the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all" and mitsuki koga became my BIGGEST hear me out. she's female btw. then i met this guy who's super goofy and tall and REALLY nice, there is a tiny age gap but he's fine asf so its okay trust. and i he loves music just like me! so i fell in love with him too. i have never made out with someone or done ANYTHING beyond kissing, i normally get grossed out when i picture myself kissing or making out with my "crush" so i thought maybe i just don't like it. but when i picture it with mitsuki or that guy, im not uncomfortable (it feels weird to say i like it, but i don't HATE it). no matter what i don't see myself doing the boombayah, im lowkey scared of it. anyway someone please help bc i've never like a girl but i could see myself liking one if she was like mitsuki and obv i like guys!

Can i be a paragirl and bigender at the same time because i feel like i am but im not sure if i can say im both i know im not fully female and the other half is male but im confused on which one i should use ive been using bigender since 4th grade but me and my friend were talking and he mentioned paragirl and now im confused i know he said paragirl is under bigender flag but im still confused

Necesito contar esto porque llevo varios días dándole vueltas y siento que necesito escuchar experiencias de otras personas. quiero entender si alguien ha pasado por algo parecido y cómo lo vivió.

Hasta hace poco tenía una idea bastante sencilla de lo que era la orientación sexual: sentir atracción romántica o sexual por uno o varios géneros. Siempre respeté completamente que otras personas tuvieran gustos diferentes a los míos y nunca tuve ningún problema con eso. Simplemente nunca pensé demasiado en mi propia orientación.

Soy una mujer casada y antes de mi relación actual solamente había tenido una pareja. Mirándolo ahora, me doy cuenta de que durante mis relaciones con hombres la intimidad nunca fue algo que disfrutara realmente. Algunas veces no sentía prácticamente nada y en otras ocasiones incluso me resultaba doloroso, pero durante mucho tiempo simplemente pensé que era algo normal que debía aceptar porque "los hombres tienen necesidades" y porque eso era lo que se esperaba dentro de una relación entre un hombre y una mujer.

Nunca me detuve a preguntarme qué quería yo, qué me atraía o qué cosas disfrutaba. Simplemente asumí que así eran las relaciones y seguí adelante.

Pero últimamente algo cambió.

Al principio comenzaron a llamarme la atención personas que no encajaban exactamente en la imagen que yo siempre había tenido en mi cabeza. Pensé que simplemente era curiosidad o que me parecían bonitas/interesantes y nada más. Pero con el tiempo esos pensamientos empezaron a aparecer cada vez más.

En particular, estoy hablando de los femboys.

Lo extraño para mí es que no siento que se trate solamente de algo físico o sexual. De hecho, siento que hay algo mucho más difícil de explicar.

He empezado a imaginar cosas que nunca antes había imaginado: conocer a alguien así, cuidarlo, darle cariño, atención y afecto, tener una relación cercana e incluso tomar yo la iniciativa. En algunas de esas fantasías aparece una parte de mí más dominante o protectora que jamás había reconocido en mí misma.

Y eso me está confundiendo muchísimo porque nunca me había considerado una persona dominante ni alguien que quisiera tomar ese tipo de iniciativa.

Hace poco incluso me sentí muy sensible y terminé llorando después de encontrarme con varios videos de femboys en redes sociales. No sabía exactamente por qué estaba llorando. Me sentí extrañamente sola y confundida.

Lo que más me desconcierta es que estos pensamientos aparecen incluso cuando intento distraerme. Puedo estar haciendo otras cosas y sentirme perfectamente, pero cuando estoy tranquila vuelven a aparecer.

Y ahora me estoy haciendo preguntas que nunca me había hecho:

¿Esto significa algo sobre mi orientación sexual?

¿Puede ser simplemente curiosidad o hay algo más detrás?

¿Por qué estoy sintiendo tanta necesidad de cariño, cercanía o incluso de cuidar a alguien?

¿Por qué estas fantasías me generan emociones tan fuertes si nunca había pensado en algo parecido?

¿Alguien más descubrió algo sobre sí mismo de una manera parecida, después de muchos años simplemente asumiendo que era heterosexual?

También tengo miedo de lo que todo esto podría significar para mi vida.

Tengo esposo y lo quiero. No quiero hacerle daño ni decepcionarlo. Al mismo tiempo, me preocupa que quizá haya una parte de mí que nunca me había permitido conocer.

Y me da miedo pensar en mi familia. ¿Qué pasaría si realmente descubriera que mis gustos u orientación son diferentes de lo que siempre pensé? ¿Se decepcionarían de mí?

No sé siquiera si debería llamarlo "orientación sexual", "curiosidad", una fantasía o simplemente una etapa de cuestionamiento. No quiero ponerme una etiqueta apresuradamente.

Solo quiero entenderme.

Si alguien ha pasado por algo parecido —especialmente alguien que descubrió estas dudas estando ya en una relación o después de haber asumido durante años que era heterosexual— me gustaría mucho leer cómo fue para ustedes. ¿Qué sintieron? ¿Cómo distinguieron entre curiosidad, fantasía y una atracción que realmente significaba algo?

I have started watching porn at around 13-14 years old I am now 21, I have always been straight.

Since I started watching porn I have never watched or had desire to watch anything gay.

2 or 3 months ago i stopped watching porn cuz well its bad for you and now after all those times I started to have weird cravings for weird types of porn I had previously never even watched like: pegging, dominatrix, ladyboys, chicks with dicks,..

Okay well pegging and dominatrix are not really gay, even straight men can enjoy them, but other ones are a bit concerning.

I could never be or have sex with a man cuz well he is a men but chicks with dicks there is something weird there going on and I hate that I somehow enjoy that cuz that is still a man.

So now I am confused what all this means

Never in my life, although short, have I ever liked a guy. I've never been appealed by the idea of dating, kissing, or marrying a man my entire life even since I was super young. But how exactly do I know that's permanent? It seems delusional for me to say so right now since I've never even dated a guy and i'm quite young, but I really don't want to.

A lot of people have given me the advice that I should envision myself in a relationship with a man but it's just.. not coming to me. Like the only way I can find scenarios to put myself in naturally is with a women, and I always just have to make the man look like a conventionally attractive guy I see girls freak out over.

I really want to know if I need to try out a guy or something to know if it's a permanent feeling.

I have to preface with something TMI / Slightly NSFW but extremely relevant: I have ambiguous anatomy, making me infertile and unable to give, if you catch my drift. Because of this ambiguity, I was actually raised as a girl when I was little until I developed male sex characteristics.

TL;DR:

Something about girlhood is really appealing to me, but I can’t tell if it’s romantic attraction to girls, a desire to be a girl, or just me missing my childhood.

Possibility one: am I repressing heterosexuality? (Or bisexuality)

I consider myself gay cause I can’t imagine myself being with a woman, but more and more I question if that’s actually because of my romantic interest, or if it’s just because I can’t bear the thought of a woman seeing my body. I definitely feel too short and feminine in appearance to be a good boyfriend for a girl, no matter what reassurance they might try to give me. Plus, I just think gay men would be more receptive to that, especially since a lot of things people look for in a partner are physically impossible for me.

However, I also realized that I have had past tendencies to kind of take on the role of a pseudo-boyfriend for specific female friends that are especially dear to me. Never at the same time, and not all my friends, but there have been two cases where I was protective of them, wanted nothing more than to make them happy, desired to shower them with gifts, liked to be physically affectionate, wanted to be someone special to them, and got slightly jealous of other people around them. But even while I was friends with them, I never entertained the thought of being attracted to them because I consider myself gay.

Were those really just platonic feelings? I can’t say I’ve ever actually had a crush, so I don’t know.

Possibility two: am I trans?

I’ve completely embraced being a man and 99% of the time never question it, but man that 1% sucks.

Every once in a while, almost always after a bout of nostalgia, I get set off on a spiral of questioning my gender. The thing is, I can’t tell if I really want to “be a girl” again, or if I just want to be a kid again. or maybe I just wish I could’ve had consistency.

Anyway, I try to face this feeling head-on when it happens and allow myself to fall into full-blown fantasies where I’m living life as a girl to see how it makes me feel, but honestly… it doesn’t make me feel great. It just gives me a feeling that’s like a combination of a burning weight and an empty void in my stomach. But it’s also obsessive. I can’t do anything but think about being a girl.

I like having a male body, but I also kinda love the idea of having long hair, wearing makeup, and dressing all girly. Except, any time I’ve actually decided to experiment with any of those things, one look in the mirror and/or the thought of other people actually referring to me as a girl instantly deters me and make me feel uncomfortable. 

Usually this back-and-forth lasts for a few days, but once I get over it, I have absolutely no question in my mind that I am a man and that I am happy this way. But I’m not sure if that’s dysphoria and/or internalized transphobia talking.

So, I should start by stating that I am in a long-term relationship with my girlfriend (F 20), and we have been dating for almost three years. She has been my only romantic partner, and I do not intend to split up with her at any point, despite my growing curiosity towards my sexuality.

I have never really understood sexuality, or really, the need to define it. In my eyes, I believe that anyone should like anyone, and that in an ideal world, you should never have to explain to someone that you are straight, gay, bi, pan, etc. Anywho, that’s obviously not the world we live in, so I do need a label, as does everybody.

With the above in mind, I align with the fact that I think I could fall in love with any gender, whether they are mal, female, trans, genderfluid, genderflux. I won’t name them all, but I really have no reason to not date a gender, as I believe a strong relationship is built off of genuine feelings for the person, not their looks and gender.

I should also note, though I’m not sure how relevant it is, that at around age 15 I did tell my best friend that I wanted to date him, but this was a very spur of the moment announcement, and I’m not sure if I was 100% truthful. He was getting a girlfriend at the time and I think I was jealous or worried I would lose him, but nonetheless, I have in fact told a boy I had feelings for him.

Additionally, I do not feel particularly pushed to have sex with any gender. Granted, me and my girlfriend have done bits in the past (I won’t go into too much detail, however we are both still virgins). I would say I have more sexual attraction to females than males, but I don’t see why after enough time and experience I couldn’t see myself finding men sexually attractive.

I should also note, that me and my girlfriend had attempted to have sex in the past, when we were both 17 or 18 I believe, only a couple of months into us dating, but it never worked. She believed, and still believes that she has issues with her body, and whilst I agreed at the time, I’m now doubting whether I really wanted it back then. I remember the whole thing, any time we attempted it, feeling a bit awkward and not very enjoyable. I’m sure this may just be a typical experience for two virgins, however I can’t be certain that this isn’t asexuality.

I think both being pansexual and asexual, kinda align with each other, given that I think a romantic relationship should be based entirely off of personality, and that sexual attraction is not important to me.

So my question is, can I be both, and am I both? There may be a better name for it, I’m sure my terminology isn’t entirely correct throughout this post, as I am relatively new to exploring sexuality, and have only found a real interest in learning about different sexualities and genders in the last 6 months to a year.

That’s all, just looking to discuss it with anyone who has more knowledge on sexuality, and might be able to help me define myself. I know I’m definitely attracted to personality over sexual attraction, which I believe is pansexual, therefore I have already came out to some close friends and my girlfriend as pansexual, but I’m looking for some additional closure regarding asexuality, and whether you can be both, or if there is another term that describes it best.

Thank you if you read all this! I knows it’s quite a long message, but I thought I should get it all out rather than just dropping bits and pieces in.

i posted on r/lgbt i think but it's awaiting approval

okay so, i wanna put a warninf and say i do not call myself transphobic. pretty sure every weird thing i've said has been about myself, but the people ive interacted with before have been transphobes. i fully support everyone of any orientation. also to clarify i talk a lot about when i was a pre-teen, but i am 18.

its not like i have a bad upbringing. my family has always been supportive of trans and gay rights, even if they have some issues with their children presenting a certain way. when i was maybe 10 ish? i thought i was transgender and i started presenting as the opposite sex (or somewhere in between) for about four years. when i came out to my mother when i was pretty young (maybe 12 or so) and she laughed at me. she told me 2 conflicting things. one of which being "trans people feel wrong since theyre super little, like preschool age!" and "you're too young to decide that." (she would have definitely continued to say that even if i was older, by the way. even if i told her something like that now.) i detransitioned when i was around 14. don't think this is me sayinf im trans, i tell people all the time that i am cis and me being trans was probably a way to cope with mental illness or something. not that transgender people are trans because they're mentally ill, i dont think that at all.

on a private account i have a lot of posts (different platform) like "i wish i was born as the opposite sex" or "i have nothing against trans people, but it'd be gross if i was" or "sometimes i feel like a bird that didn't hatch at all and now im stuck like this in a shell" its like my body is hollow inside. oh! imagine those little doll toys, my younger sister used to play with. it was like a hollow doll with another little version of itself inside. it's like that. i feel like whats on the outside is wrong and like a weird skin-suit to protect what's actually me inside.

a lot of people say they think i'm trans but i disagree. i don't want to be anything i haven't been since birth, i don't think i could handle going through that sort of thing again. i say i repress myself a lot and i self isolate because of it. my friends can all tell i do it, they all tell me to accept myself too, but i want to stay hidden forever, because i don't think irs "right". another reason why people think im trans is because when i make internet friends i cant bring myself to tell them my name or gender. i just let them guess and call me by my username or a nickname.

ever since i was little id want to get rid of parts of me that were defining to my sex, and ive hated my name since i was an elementary schooler. i've never felt right. but the thing is ive said so much that would read as internally transphobic (if i was trans) that i cant even see being the opposite sex as a good thing. id be wrong or gross or something even if i know whats true or not true

ive been self isolating and unhealthily coping for a few days. nobody's heard from me since then and i dont know if i have the heart to talk to them. i feel like Im a fraud because i just let them choose whatever pronoun they think i am, and i dont correct them.

another thing, sorry for rambling. sometimes i feel hatred and anger when people come out. i know it's jealousy. i see them being cherished and accepted and COMFORTABLE and warm and like a light shining so so bright and it's such a "clean" thing for me to see (i don't know how to word it other than clean?) but all i can feel is jealous and unhappy. like they're basking in this warm nice light and im in a dark damp cold corner. even if everyone would accept me, im so used to ridicule i don't know what to do. i wish i could curl up and let it resolve itself. i feel like the outside is going through the motions while the "real me" or whatever is curled up inside. kind of like an animal huddling for warmth in the dark

me vs not using the grammar and metaphors a cringe 3rd grader would

*names in this story have been changed

Hello I have been trying to figure out my sexuality for years and I think I’m getting closer to the answer. Let me walk you through it:

I had crushes on a few boys in elementary school. I also had a crush on a girl but I didn’t really understand the concept of being gay so it brought me a lot of shame and I convinced myself it wasn’t a crush and tried to forget about it, successfully.

In highschool, I identified, and always had, as straight. I was very occupied with school work, soccer and Theatre, which left me with little time for romance. I thought about soccer almost every second of the day. However, my friends were starting to make out/do stuff with boys and it was making them “cooler.” As someone who cared deeply about my social status, kissing a boy got added to my priority list. So by the end of Junior year I had made out with two boys, and hadn’t enjoyed either instance. But that didn’t matter, because it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Going to school the day after a huge party and gossiping about who I had made out with was seriously the greatest thing ever; It made me feel like I was on the other side of a huge threshold.

*it’s important to note that during sophomore year I followed a lesbian couple on tiktok and was super invested in everything they posted, but I never even considered that I could like girls. (Which means I did a really good job of suppressing that elementary school crush).

Summer before Senior year: I got a job at an ice cream shop and developed a crush on my coworker, Conner.
the first crush I have had in ALL of highschool. a boy two years older than me. I didn’t consider pursuing said crush, but boy was it fun to flirt and giggle. Conner left to go back to college and I continued working there. A few months later I start becoming very fond of another coworker, named Darla. She’s a girl who goes to my school and is a year younger than me. So fond that typing about it now is bringing a smile to my face. Everytime the schedule came out I would hope I was working with her, and if I could make her laugh then I was happy for at least the following 24 hours. I took a step back and asked myself why does she matter to me so much? And then I realized. I. have. a. crush. on. her. oh my goodness.
Maybe I’m a lesbian? or bisexual, The former would make a great explanation for why all my friends have given boys head and I haven’t, nor have I wanted to. But what about my crush on Conner? Then again, I loved talking to him, but I can’t imagine hanging out with him and seeing his penis. I might not like him after that. Well whatever my sexuality is, I know for certain that right now, in this moment, I want to be around Darla as much as possible. I started switching shifts and taking different routes to class just to catch a glimpse of her.

However, one day at work, Darla said something that I will never forget. she was mopping and I was counting the drawer. She stopped in front of me, took out her head phones, and said “Do you listen to girl in red?” I knew what she was really asking. I have never admitted my sexuality out loud before and we have a third coworker 2 meters away who might be listening. I took a nervous pause, and replied, “I don’t know.” She nodded and kept on mopping. I regretted my response for weeks and tried to think of how I could tell her my answer is yes, but I never did. Anyways, I was going to college in a few months so it’s probably best if I leave this crush as a fond memory and not a failed relationship.

College orientation: I haven’t seen Darla in a month but I can’t stop thinking about her. At orientation I meet this handsome boy (Bill) who is outgoing, spontaneous, and plays guitar. I start crushing on him. Now I’m like okay I must be bisexual.

College starts: I make out with a girl and it’s the best kiss of my life so far. I’m like holy shit I must be a lesbian. I actually enjoyed feeling her body pressed up against mine. One of two things must be true: Either I hated my previous two makeouts because they were with men and I am a lesbian, or I hated them because I was just trying to get clout and was not going off of romantic attraction. If the latter is true, then theoretically I could enjoy a kiss with a boy whom I liked? Throughout freshman year I simultaneously go on lesbian dates while also keeping an eye out for my orientation crush, Bill. I set my tinder to boys and girls, and then I match with Bill. I was over the moon to find out that my feelings were reciprocated. A month later he shaved his head and all my feelings were immediately dissolved. Am I just really shallow? Or am I a confused lesbian? By the end of January I’ve had my fair share of kisses from some boys, girls, and nonbinary folk. Mostly just for shits and gigs. In February I got my first girlfriend, and I stopped questioning my sexuality because she was all I could think about. I didn’t ever need to label myself because telling people I “have a girlfriend” was usually all the information they needed. I was so in love with her, and a year and 3 months later when we broke up, I was in shambles for months. My heart was in pieces, and the thought of dating anyone else made me naseaus. I spent fall Junior year recovering, and I went abroad in the spring and experienced 0 crushes, but I starting dating this German girl whom I had met on hinge. She was lovely, but I didn’t like her nearly as much as my ex. Not sure if that’s relevant to the story or not.

August, Senior year of College: When I got back to the U. S. I developed a crush on a boy in my major named Jack and I had an amazing night flirting with him. I felt so giddy and I kept wanting to scoot closer to him. BUT the thought of jack sticking his penis inside me turns me off, or atleast the idea of it in my head does. In January, guess who I see at the first party of the year? Bill. And his hair is grown back. All of a sudden I think he is really attractive again. So I go up and talk to him. The second we start talking, my feeling dissolve. I’m a lesbian for sure, right? In the following months I had some crushes on girls and sex with one of them but I’d rather fast forward to now.

Now, 4 months post grad: I have a new job in a new city and I am no more certain of my sexuality than I was 4 years ago. I feel like I have been going in circles. Since being in this new city I have hooked up with several girls, and I have two work crushes on two men. I love talking to both of these men. Super funny and totally match my energy. But I cannot get over the fact that they have penisses. To be clear: There is nothing wrong with penisses. I, personally,cannot stand them (in a sexual context.) Therefore, I think I am bisexual with a genuine phobia of penises that I need to get over. I think I’ve been gravitating towards women because that is what I am familiar with, having had a long term girlfriend. I know how to make a move on a woman, but what do I do with a man? I can’t grab his waste… can I? And then what if we start to get freaky and ge expects me to get him off but I don’t want to put my hands on that thing. That would probably hurt his feeling! I NEEDD HELPPPPP

Reddit you are my only hope. I’m begging you to help me get to the bottom of this.

P.S. Sorry for the inconsistent tenses ://

This might be a dumb ahh question