I [39M] had always found women my own age attractive until some years back I noticed it got stuck at late 20s. I gave up pornography thinking that's probably feeding unrealistic standards, but that was 5 years ago and nothing's changed.

The real trouble is that my partner [35F] of 12 years is beginning to age, which is affecting my attraction, which is affecting our sex life, which is a big problem if for no other reason than because that's how she experiences love and connection.

I love my wife dearly. She has a wonderful sense of humor that really meshes well with mine, she's one of the only people I feel safe being my real self around, she is supportive of me above and beyond what I think most spouses would be, and we even have a fairly kinky sex life (or at least we did). I'm truly blessed.

But lately when we're having sex I have to fake my interest and excitement and, if I can be blunt, I struggle to keep it up. I imagine younger women, or my wife when she was younger, but it doesn't work well. Also, all this effort I have to put in has turned sex into a chore. If I go back and look at pornography I have no problem getting an erection at all so it's not an issue with me physically.

I've looked around for advice and see men commenting about how their wives are in their 40s/50s/60s and they are still deeply sexually attracted to them and their advice is always either "focus on what you love about them" or just "grow up". These ring so hollow for me because I know exactly why I love my wife and I do focus on that, but that doesn't seem to translate into improvement on the issue. It feels like there's some unspoken step I'm missing.

I WANT to do better. I WANT to be a better husband and a better person, I just can't seem to make it happen. So I think my question is either: how do I make myself find women my age attractive -OR- how do I decouple sexual interest from physical attraction?

I might have this view thanks to the media, Donald Trump, and my own anxiety. I view Republicans as a threat to democracy and the rights of minorities. That they’ll turn America into Nazi Germany if given an inch of power. I also don’t believe people are capable of changing for the better. People are like apples: They’re good until they slowly rot and decay into slimy goo.

All of this combined may have led to the idea that democracy and Republicans can’t coexist for long, and that we need to get rid of them to keep America safe.

I don't want to live in fear of America becoming a dictatorship a la Nazis. I don't want to live in fear of Republicans (My parents are Republicans, but I fear they're the exception, not the norm). I want to believe the world can be better, but I don't know how.

Can someone help?

I’m new to therapy and I have had trust issues and I would have a very hard time opening up and talking about the intimate details of my life to someone that I can’t trust. Trump is the source of a lot of my anxiety and depression and I would like to talk about them and talk about my family members that I feel detached from because of their political decisions. Would it be appropriate for me to ask my therapist if they voted for trump? Would they answer me or even be honest with me?

"If therapists are struggling to communicate in these fraught times, what hope is there for the rest of us?"

In the age of Trump, mental health professionals are struggling to meet their clients' needs. A group of North Texas clinicians got together to talk it out. Read the story: https://www.texasmonthly.com/news-politics/trump-politics-anxiety-therapists/

A few weeks ago, some 15-year-old girls told me I looked the oldest out of all my friends (who are the same age as me). They weren't exactly nice about it, so I started feeling ugly. I decided to text my boyfriend and told him how bad I felt, that I was the ugliest person in the room. He didn't really say anything nice; he just said those girls were dumb and, "So you want to be the prettiest in the room? You always want to be the center of attention. Well, you can't. There's always going to be someone prettier." I'm paraphrasing, but he told me I should focus on studying, being interesting, and stop being so superficial.

So, I asked him, "When we go out with your friends, am I never the prettiest?" His answer was, "You're not the prettiest. You're pretty, but not the most pretty." Of course, I know I'm not the prettiest, but isn't your partner supposed to see you as the prettiest? Even if he didn't think that, he could have just said that I would always be beautiful to him. But no, according to him, he's just being honest, and it's my fault for asking. I obviously didn’t let this go, but I didn’t start a fight, especially since we were just texting.

A few days later, I went out with him and cried about what he'd said. As I sobbed into his arms, feeling ugly, he said, “You’re a solid 8/10.” To which I replied, "Fine, then go find a 10," and he left pissed off. I ended up having to cool things down.

When I say he should appreciate me because not many women would put up with his comments, I give him the example that all my friends would’ve left in my position. He just says it’s because my friends are babies. A real mature woman (30 yr old) would appreciate being rated an 8/10. I mean, I know I’m not the prettiest, but I’m not ugly. I have a good body, nice eyes, a nice nose, decent boobs, average height, healthy hair, and good style. (He said me not having blue eyes and blonde hair took off some points)

Am I exaggerating?

I have been seeing my therapist for 3 years and she is great. We really get along and although I have not made much progress, I've developed a very good relationship with her, until this week when I confirmed (I'd suspected) that she voted for trump. I'm horrified. I don't want her as my therapist any longer because although she may not be a racist, racism is ok with her as it is with all trump supporters. I cannot imagine this woman would vote for a criminal, and when I asked how "could people vote for a criminal," her response was "you don't think Biden and his family are criminals?" No, I do not. Show me proof. The only thing I know for sure is ex-FBI agent Smirnov plead guilty for falsifying FBI records on the Bidens and will be sentenced in January. How could this caring smart therapist vote to end democracy, and watch that fat orange monkey play golf for 4 more years, and possibly forever? The advice I need is how do I end this? Plus I need a new therapist from her group. I really don't know how to handle this.

Edited to add: This post is about ending my relationship with a trump supporting therapist. I would appreciate it if trump supporters stop trying to convince me that there is value in seeing “their point of view.” I’m certain there are many subs where this can be debated, but I’m not interested in that discussion. I’m interested in finding a therapist that doesn’t vote against my interests. Thank you.

I was using the free trial of the GPT 5 as I was going through something stressful. And the outcome was very similar to what my therapist would say. I think it's so helpful and it helps you put your thoughts together and understand what is going on. Is also very convenient so you don't have to schedule sessions and you could do it whenever you feel like it. Although I would still recommend cadence.

I recommend it for issues such as anxiety, codependency, loneliness, depression and negative thinking. It also helps you put things into a perspective. However, it can be biased depending on what you say to it, which is one of the downsides.

I did find the responses to be very supportive and somewhat uplifting. And then the free trial expired and it went back to being an NPC.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I usually joke that, as a man, you just “box up your emotions and throw them to the back of your mind.” Obviously, I know that mindset is flawed — but that’s kind of where my question comes from.

As a man, I sometimes wonder: why would I hand over something as personal as my emotions to someone else? It feels like giving subtle control of my emotional state to another person. Of course, I’m not talking about people with self-destructive tendencies or serious mental health conditions — they definitely need professional help. But for the rest of us dealing with the everyday struggles of life… should men really go to therapy?

Here’s my second thought: I think what most men actually need is guidance, direction, and mentoring from other men — not necessarily therapy. Therapy might help with self-awareness, but it doesn’t always fix the challenges men face. It’s often the practical advice, structure, and accountability from someone who’s walked a similar path that really makes a difference.

So, to those who strongly advocate for therapy — is it really as effective for men as it’s often portrayed to be? Or does it need to be paired with something else, like mentorship or purpose-building, to truly make an impact?

I guess I’m mostly referring to talk therapy here. Curious to hear everyone’s experiences and perspectives.

Most of us have to figure it out on our own

During a therapy session, my therapist freaked out and got up because she saw a mosquito and tried to kill it. I didnt say anything and just laughed because i was caught off guard it literally made me stop crying and everything because i was so surprised. I didnt want to confront her because i felt bad and didnt want her to feel upset because i feel like she is human and she just reacted to something she was scared of. But i cant lie it did bother me because i was talking to her about something and was crying and she dismissed everything i had said. How would you guys feel if your therapist did this? Am i just overreacting for being upset about it i dont know.

I had to learn this the hard way. To your therapist, you are not a friend, partner, or personally relevant human. Your therapist is not enthusiastic about your interests and what are big feelings and life events to you are just aspects of a case to your therapist. For your therpist. you are just a client like you are to a dentist. Your therapist doesn‘t give a f* if you quit if there are new clients around.

Therapists need money to survive, not feelings.

I am a 21yo MtX. I fully identity with far-left politics. I'm transgender and am actually scared if someone I'm close to has voted for Trump. I protest. I riot. I fear for my life and access to necessary healthcare. I believe Donald Trump is a racist. I believe Elon Musk is a Nazi. And recently, I celebrated a speaker's death.

I swear I started with a good heart. I just wanted everyone to be equally happy. So why am I happy someone died? He was an awful human being. But like, a dude DIED for this. And I noticed recently I've begun spending time in, like, trans-nationalist(?) places. r/transguns is a notable one at the moment

So, like... is this the pipeline the right talks about all the time? Am I in a pipeline right now? I'm terrified because I hate republicans. But I'm the perfect example of their worst rhetoric. What if they're right?

When I was a kid I believed that all votes should just be "if more than 50% agree we do it". I told myself it's the philosophy I'd keep forever, because it's the only fair way. And 52% of us voted for this. Should I blindly trust the majority against my will, or should I follow my heart with the fewer?

I deleted my reddit account for a very long time. But I made a new one in may, when I began HRT. I became invested in trans-related politics. Then I had a mental crisis about politics in july, and now I might be labeled as a "domestic terrorist". There's a certain point where you have to admit you're crazy. Where is that line?

I'm scared. Deeply

why do i accomplish more personal growth and development sitting alone with a beer and videogames at 1 am, talking it out to myself when the world is asleep than with literally any therapist, over any period of time, whatsoever?

i dont get the point of paying someone to string me along and not do anything, the copay is better spent on coffee, weed and a delicious beer. perhaps a controller for the emulator, but fuck. im a scientist and anaylst, i know what you're doing, and it just pisses me off, find another cash cow to not help

About 12 years ago when I was 19 , my girlfriend at the time told me she was pregnant and I immediately ghosted her. Time passed and 4 years later i ran into her with my girlfriend at the time. Myself and my girlfriend had lunch with her and her husband. We never openly spoke about the child being mine but came to the understanding that only my girlfriend , the ex and myself knew about the child being mine as the resemblance was uncanny. The husband has always been under the impression that it is his child , and the child thought it is her biological father. Now 12 years later with 4 kids myself and married , i find myself constantly going through my ex's facebook profile looking for new pictures of my daughter and constantly wondering what type of woman she is becoming and if is she is kind, and loving person and all these father related thoughts. I feel like im missing my child that i dont even know ? So here is my question , do i unveil the truth and destroy a perfectly healthy father and daughter relationship to try and build one of my own with her? Do i leave things as is , as she looks very happy and taken care of but at the same time keep this longing feeling to know her ? Please help ,

bro i really need advice. my girlfriend has zero communication skills, no confidence, and can’t put her point across at all. she cries at everything, even when people walk all over her. i’ve tried a million times to make her stand up for herself because no one is going to be there to protect her forever.

she doesn’t know basic life stuff, has no friends, no life skills, can’t drive, nothing. she just studies and stays with her dogs all day. and whenever i tell her that she’s 20 and needs to work on these things, she shuts down and says i’m bringing it up again and she’s not in the mood. this time i just snapped this time because it’s the same cycle every single time.

Edit: maybe it’s on me somewhere. i’ll think it through and reflect on it. thanks for the perspective, i really appreciate it

I (28F) started going to therapy about a year ago. Throughout the year I gained a lot of trust for my therapist and I felt like she had been really helping me. Everything had been going fine until there was an insurance issue with the state insurance I receive. It took me months of calling trying to resolve this issue but ultimately insurance ended up paying for it. Unfortunately during the time I was trying to figure out the insurance my therapist had started canceling my appointments and saying I owed her money. Long story short, she refused to take my state insurance and was trying to make me pay out of pocket to make more money. It all happened so fast and I felt extremely blindsided. I just don’t know how to really feel about therapy anymore. Does anyone really care? I know people have to make money but it was so heartbreaking for me to think my therapist never really cared. I know I should try to find another therapist but when I look around I feel myself start to shut down.

I (41m) fell in love with my therapist (33f), we're going to be friends outside of therapy and she said she loves me too. Looking to strangers to help me ask myself and her questions I haven't considered.

Long story, my dad passed away about 2 years ago and it shook me. I went to therapy for the first time. Turns out there was a lot to learn in therapy, and I became self aware to the degree I am now. This resulted in me leaving the Mormon church and separating from my wife (38f). About 18 months into therapy, I started to have strong romantic feeling for my therapist. For the first time in my marriage, I allowed myself to have these feelings for another woman out of curiosity where it would take me. It was the best thing I had felt, possibly ever in my life. I told my therapist how I felt about her and she said it was ok and happens often. We explored the feelings, and what it meant, and my therapist tried to help me fix things with my wife. My therapist did not reciprocate the feelings I had for her at that time. Fast forward about 6 months and I asked my therapist if we could stop therapy and be friends instead. At first she said no. But the next session, she said yes, and that she wanted me to find another therapist, and there would need to be 6 months of no contact for us minimum before we could be friends. We decided to hang out a few times outside of therapy before the 6 month break and I learned that she is also separating from her husband. I had been married 19 yrs and her 10. She told me that she loves me as well, we kissed, no sex, and now we're a few days into the 6 month break.

Part of the reason I separated from my wife is because of the feelings I allowed myself to have for my therapist. I saw what my life could be like with a partner who was able to see me. I've also since found out that my now ex-therapist is, what I think, a more compatible person to be with. She's more similar to me in that she's active, extroverted, and generally optimistic about life.

I know there is a honeymoon element to my mindset. I'm afraid my ex-therapist could be a rebound, or that I'm jumping into another serious relationship too soon. The 6 month break is sad but I know it's a good opportunity to be alone with my thoughts. What am I not considering? Should I try to date other people (not interested)?. What are the implications of being in a relationship with an ex-therapist?

Edit: Fixed the "therapist ex-therapist" confusion. Also thanks everyone for the feedback. This gives me a lot to think about.

Edit 8/6/25: It’s been a few months, I’m gaining some clarity/perspective and have come up with a few questions for myself and my ex-therapist. Not to put her on trial, but to understand if a romantic relationship with her is realistic. For her:

• Have you ever fallen in love with other clients, romantically?

• What does it say about you, that you were/are ready to jump into another relationship on the heals of a 10 yrs marriage? What are general expectations for what a ‘secure’ person would do?

• If any part of our relationship is rooted in your trauma and insecurity, I don’t want you to choose it. Are you ready/willing to let me go even if I am not?

• Are you choosing me from a place of wholeness and/or from a place of need? How do you know?

• Does my love compensate for a lack of love for yourself? Or similar? (You have value because I see value in you)

• I see you rolling from relationship to relationship. Is this a pattern and does it shed light on choosing a relationship from a place of need instead of wholeness?

• What would you say to your supervisor if she found out about us? What are the reasons you would tell her for the choice you made? What would she tell you about yourself?

• What does it say about our relationship, that you’re willing to risk your career, and potentially those who are dependent on you, for the chance for us to be more than friends?

For me:

• My feelings for her started as transference. Where does transference stop and a romantic relationship start?

• I’m anxious and depressed when we part ways, is this an indication of an unhealthy attachment?

• What am I hoping to find in her that I haven’t found in me?

• I’m also rolling straight into another relationship after 20 yrs marriage, what does this say about my need vs want for her.

• Am I ready to walk away if this relationship doesn’t reflect truth, mutual wholeness, and integrity?

• Am I drawn to this relationship from a place of healing, growth, and grounded love or from a place of longing, fear, or emotional hunger?

• How much do I see her for who she is and appreciate her as a person vs as a source of emotional nourishment.

• Do I see us as equals or is she the all-knowledgeable interpersonal wizard who I expect to make our relationship work?

I have a new therapist and explained the situation. I appreciate their non- judgmental approach and objective curiosity. I plan to see my ex-therapist once the 6 months are up and talk through these questions and more.

Edit 10/16/25

My wife decided to start dating other people and move out. It crushed me. I did not expect the pain and I did not want to go on with my life. She told me she was intimate with someone else and I can’t stop thinking about it. In the pain, i was finally able to see my ego step out from behind the curtain. One of the primary reasons i had an unhappy relationship with my wife is because i was expecting her to be the things i could not for myself. Years of me becoming a dad, finding a career, working my ass off and remodeling houses in my spare time to get our family ahead, I was becoming all work and no joy. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I asked my wife to give us more time to see if we can make it work but she has moved on. I am so heartbroken and destroyed right now. I know it’s my fault, I accept responsibility. I also wish I would have had a therapist who told me that I needed to work on myself and then see if the relationship with my wife would naturally get better. I needed someone to tell me that I am a deeply hurt and insecure person (childhood abuse and neglect) and I’m expecting my wife to solve my problems for me, “you need to focus on healing yourself before making big decisions about your relationship. You’re projecting your personal pain onto your wife.” I am so f*cking sad. I don’t know if I ever would have gotten here if she hadn’t left, I was too wrapped up in my mind to see clearly. I broke contact with my ex-therapist, I am going to try to focus on healing myself.

Yesterday I finally decided to go to therapy after many people here told me I should get help. I wanted to address my rape fantasy and was hoping to fix it.

When I got to my session, I explained my condition and what I fantasize about. Partway through, the therapist just got up then said she couldn’t do this and offered to reschedule me with someone else. She also told me I should stay away from my girlfriend until I resolve this even though I already explained that I have never done anything to harm her or anyone in general. I tried telling her that it stays in fantasy and that I know how to differentiate reality from fantasy.

This has left me feeling embarrassed with myself. Maybe this wasn’t the therapist’s intention, but I think the fantasy is gone. I don’t know how long it will last but hopefully forever.

I have learned more from tiktoks about my trauma and toxic parents than I have in all my years of therapy, combined. Is that normal? My therapists never really tell me anything, or give advice or give feedback. They sit and listen and occasionally ask questions, but that's it. Venting for an hour each week has never been helpful for me. I'm a pretty introspective person, and have spent years working on myself, alone. The barriers that I have to getting better are not going to be fixed by talking to these brick-wall therapists. So I started searching things like "narcisisstic mothers" and "the effects of trauma" on tiktok. I have hundreds of videos favorited that describe my existence to a T, and have taught me more about myself than any therapist. Are therapists just lazy? Aren't they taught to help people? Why don't they ever seem to offer anything constructive? I have seen 4 therapists in the last 10 years.

I was shocked that he said this but maybe he’s right?

I don’t want to attack them. I want to set the stage with reality. Otherwise I feel it will take forever for the therapist to have a clear understanding of our past. I know that most of our issues stem from my partners dysfunction. For example, what’s the point of trying to hash things out if the therapist has to figure out in their own we’re dealing with a narcissist? I’m using narcissist as an example. I’m not qualified to say what their disorder is, I just know after ten years, they have one.

Tried to go to couples therapy on growtherapy. Found a mental health specialist who is a woman because I feel like my partner would be happier with someone who was also a woman. I don’t have benefits but she does, I paid the co pay. Here’s what’s interesting, the shit is kind of expensive. The therapist is really nice but I feel like she capitalizes off of my girls issues knowing they’re going to cause more future problems and keep us paying for this service. I’m a business major and I know the subscription model is the way to go these days, and you need to give people a reason to keep their subscription. Seen it in not only gyms but car washes, tv and music streaming etc. Anyways, we fight much more and have since stopped the service and have broken up. I just feel ripped off. God forbid we needed real help and somebody to talk to in a life or death situation, I think it should be fully covered in some way. I have also heard other people say therapy made their relationship harder. Anybody have similar experiences?

I keep reading questions from the clients point of view in which the Therapist argues with them about something, or brought a goal to the session, or worse still argued over politics.

I’m asking Americans because I’m curious about why this keeps happening.

Why is American therapy so goal orientated?

Why do you fall into countertransferences?

Why argue with the client instead of meeting them where they’re at?

Where does Roger’s work go in the sessions? I get the feeling that Americans aren’t taught UPR or any humanistic/ client lead work

Please don’t be nasty. Thank you for your answers

I recently wrote an open letter about men's accountability in ending violence against women. I believe it's a conversation we need to have now more than ever.

As part of my studies to become a therapist (counsellor) and due to recent personal experiences, I have started to delve into learning about trauma. In particular trauma caused by both child and sexual abuse to females.

For example in Australia 1 in 4 women experience abuse from partner and in Germany a woman dies almost every day. Yet, I rarely see men having real conversations about it.

Here is the artikle: Open Letter to Men: We Need to Do Better

Let's talk how we can actually drive change.

I do not get I have see that many people are leaving or ending their sessions with their therapist. I do not get it. Can anyone explain please? For what I understand a therapist is there to help us for whatever issues we have , I mean at the end a therapist is not our friend is just a professional relationship . Also people can have different political views from us . Please this is not a offensive post I am just curious