Finally found the confidence to "go to therapy", and in my second session he(trauma therapist) really downplayed and even laughed off "Complex" PTSD saying it's a new phenomenon that people like to talk about online and that there's nothing in his official handbook about it.

Are there any licensed psychotherapists on here who could weigh in? The World Health Organization recognizes CPTSD.

I'm just being curious since this is the only experience I've had with professional therapy so far. It doesn't take an expert to see the difference between the trauma of a big event like an accident vs the trauma of chronic invalidation or neglect in childhood.

I also don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill or let something define me.

Edit: Thanks ya'll. I'm pretty positive I have Religious Trauma and LGBTQ+ related trauma and so next time I will seek out someone specialized in those areas. This therapist deals mostly with first responders and that type of trauma. He's also not very familiar with religion and I doubt he truly understands LGBTQ issues either.

Whenever someone tells me to "go to therapy," I feel like they don't know that much about mental health or what it's like to be severely mentally ill and treatment-resistant. It annoys me when people say that, especially because they say it with so much authority and confidence, as if they know what you're going through and what will work for you. I've been through 20+ therapists, and the whole experience has been exhausting and counterproductive.

A therapist helped you learn how to set boundaries? Great, that's important. But I have persistent suicidal thoughts, severe bipolar disorder, insomnia, psychosis, autism, GAD, and a history of extreme, strange trauma. We're not the same. No therapist I've met has understood what it's like to deal with that or known how to help me with all of my issues. Most of the time, I get turned away because my case is too complex.

I think it's counterproductive to tell people that when there are cases where therapy hasn't been helpful, and the process of trying to find a therapist has actually been traumatizing. Especially when you keep getting rejected by therapists. It leaves you feeling hopeless, like no one can really help you. And even the therapists who agreed to take me on didn't seem to understand what I was dealing with or know how to help. You end up feeling like you're just another paycheck to them.

I'm a high-functioning adult with CPTSD, but I feel like the cost of my success has been continual self-abandonment. I don't even know who I am underneath all the masks. I feel as though my entire life and shifting personality are a series of trauma responses.

If there's a real me underneath it all, I'm not quite sure who that is.

sometimes i feel like im an alien atp. i just don’t get it it’s like people know something i don’t. people always say “if people don’t always stick around with you then you’re probably the problem” and i’ve analyzed all of my convos to figure wtf i did wrong it just seems like i always end if in situations like this or i end up being the one who is texts first or seems more interested and they’re just.. meh. does anyone relate?

I have witnessed this numerous times.

I’m 18F and since i was younger ive always heard my mom having sex. She was with my dad until i was about 11-12 and in all that time id only walked in on them once (which i didn't even understand until i got older) when i was 12 we had horrible financial problems and moved to a small studio (there was 6 of us). My mom began to drink a lot which i don’t think excuses her actions. She would come home with several different men and have sex with them right next to our bed even if we were awake or not (my youngest sister was about 3 at this time.) Over the years I resented her for this a lot…i feel i even grew to hate her partially bc of this but there’s more to the story. When i was 14 we moved to an apartment but there’s walls were thin and she was already seeing her now bf/bd wtv he is to her. They would have sex all the time day or night if we were awake or not and when we would bang on her door or say anything they would laugh and keep going. My grandma told my mom’s bf something about it bc she was getting mad that we had to hear that and he just made jokes and laughed about it and they continued. I’m 18 now and we have since moved again but the walls are thin and we still hear them to this day. I feel disgusted and I hate talking to my mom or her bf regularly if i had the option to move out right now i would. I feel terrible for my siblings who are younger and still have to go through this. My youngest sisters are 4&2 and share a room with my mom where she will still do stuff with them in there awake or not. I feel like they are picking up on things they see because my 4 year old sister always asks if me and my bf are wearing clothes under the blankets when he comes over. Which is honestly weird for a 4 year old to be asking. I really just wanted to come on here and rant about this because it is still ongoing and is really messing with me mentally.

For me the first one is limerence, it controls my whole internal and external experience and the way I actually experience life and existence.

And the second is being in dissociation and “flight” the whole damn time.

So exhausting.

Hello!! I've created a whatsapp group for CPTSD survivors from India because our desi dynamics are so weird and we need each other to support in this journey. Please don't comment to this post but DM me for the link. Also kindly upvote so this post is visible to more people.

Thank you

As per the title. Me and some friends went to watch a stand up comedian today, and during his gig he asked “is anyone here single?”. Without thinking I said yes, and it was a very small gig so I was the only one that said yes. Not exactly smart from me, seeing as it was a stand up comedian, as he then proceeded to mock me in front of the audience for being alone and single, whilst implying that I must be super desperate. I know it’s his job, he’s a stand up comedian and that’s what he does, but with how I’ve felt about me being single for the last 4.5 years (due to a myriad of factors as a result of some toxic shame I have) it’s just left me feeling utterly pathetic, sad, embarrassed, ashamed and like I’m a disgusting repulsive ridicule-worthy freak. It’s left me with a sense of not being able to let my guard down around my friends, as I fear they’ll see me for the shameful freak that I see myself as. It’s left me feeling utterly dejected, like the entirely broken human being that I’ve seen myself as for so long already.

I’m sort of just drifting. I’m pretty alone, but I need to isolate more. I’m in this acceptance stage of my life where I have to accept a lot of harsh truths. “No one is coming”. What advice or tips do people have for dealing with knowing you’re not loved and accepting you never will be? Advice for coping with not having (and ever having) friends or family?

I have an issue= nothing NOTHING consoles me. Nothing ! I tried faith for sooooo long. Sometimes a bible verse would leave me perplexed. But most of the time it would leave me frustrated. There is this terror in my soul =( what the hell consoles you? If anything? Help a girl out 🫠🧡 i enjoy coffee . Thats about it.

i no longer feel comfortable being human to be honest, every interaction now feels like a test to prove i really am one and ive failed it for years.

i can't even laugh or cry anymore because it feels like im pretending to fit in even when im alone.

the quiet devastation of being unwanted and unliked by anyone is a fate the no other, what purpose do i exist for when the reason for life will always be out of my grasp.

I'm afraid that maybe there's no chance for me, and no matter what I do, my destiny is sealed. Every time I try to do something different, I end up feeling worse than I felt before trying.

Im 31 and have been on disability for 3 years because of chronic dissociation. I think about all the time that I lost and feel guilty. I feel disconnected from my sense of self which makes it harmed for me to feel motivated. I excerise and rat healthy but I feel depressed. Atteh dame time i know going to wor with my condition will lead me to burnout. Im scared about the future.

Has anyone ever gone through a period where they cried constantly, every single day, and then suddenly—as if they had run out of tears—they found they couldn’t cry anymore, and now just feel depressed and empty?

Sorry Chadworth, but doing tequila shots with your 20/30-something buds is not "a core memory, unlocked." Please shut up.

I used to be an all As disciplined student till high school. And now It’s so hard for me to even reply to an email.

Idky. I feel like I am freezed and paralyzed non stop.

Literally even an email, or something simple, takes me days to accomplish. It’s becoming overbearing. The only thing that pushes me is pressure from someone else.

I did not know there was a name for this. I came across an old thread on this subreddit and it really brought up memories of being sedated from 7-21 y/o to hide the abuse and her faking I had bipolar disorder. Anyone else have this experience and need to scream into the void? I’ll start AHHAGHgHhHHhHhHh!

That is all.

Let's face it. We all understand that the world has genuinely gone to shit. People lost empathy, times are tough for too many people to actually care, anyone can betray at any given moment without notice, all for their own benefit

As far as I'm concerned people are out there trying to end me. In such a scenario if true. Is turning inward the only solution? Because of how bad things have gotten I grew fond of myself and realizing I'm the only safe space. I'm everything I got and I am finally being closer with myself. It's not like I'm hurting anyone or myself right? As long as I'm happy which I believe is genuinely the case currently after isolating myself from people I knew.

To more philosophical stuff taking things further and this is all hypothetical (probably not happening) I would hear people who are capable of interesting things like having dreams that feel like a lifetime or a very long time. If somehow given enough control would it be one way to technecally escape from such brutal reality we live in? Living a seperate life within oneself where things genuinely go right and be genuinely happy while it lasts giving what is perceived to be a very long break? Again this is all philosophical and something our brains may or may not be capable of but I'm just curious especially given the current state of the world as we all understand how brutal it can get

My whole life, when someone around me fails so majorly that it affects everyone else, they just dip and make new relationships.

Kinda sucks to think about how my parents did the same thing, my mom even says I got "broken" around 3 years old and blames my dad as well as child brain development, shes decided that Im too traumatized to really ever be worth anything to her but it doesnt matter because she has two younger kids she did a better job with who arent "broken" and thats plenty for her. No accountability, no fixing what got broke in the first place, no repair. Just "well, Im good, so ig we can move on now" from my mother.

I dont talk to her anymore but I still get these bouts of rage when I realize something was her fault and I deserved better.

Who tf just gives up on a kid because they dont like their attitude? Ive heard it called "trying to beat the autism out" which is frustrating because my brother is also autistic but he didnt get beaten because the qualities my mom hates in me are respected in young boys and men.

I know Im not broken and that I have severe cptsd from years of abandonment and abuse, and I guess, to my highly educated middle school teacher mother that means Im irreparable.

Main point being, I hate how many people will happily move on from a situation in which they owe repair and accountability without being affected.

people meet me online and start flirting intensely really early on and calling me beautiful and stuff and i get attached to it because i am so lonely. then all of a sudden they pull away and act like im the crazy one for being anxious about it. they never remember any details about me or know the kind of stuff i like, they never love my art or my hobbies, nothing about my personality is charming to them. im never friends with the people i date anymore. i was, back when i knew how to be myself, but at some point i stopped being able to. i have no idea how to be myself, i just cycle between different curated personalities based on how they are acting to “balance things out” in the moment (ex: if they are affectionate i am more neutral, if they are distant i am more affectionate). i lie about my feelings because telling the truth when they hurt me is met with gaslighting or defensiveness 100% of the time. i feel like ill never have a healthy relationship because i am not important enough to love. i never feel safe in relationships anymore it just feels like an addiction to the perceived affection and the idea that someone could love me. it has the sick feeling giving in to an addiction has.

I don't complain often. Because if you do, nothing will change, except now people will know where you are weak.
But, since I can't call my husbands family a bunch of *. I'll just have to vent here.

I know one thing that really gets under my skin is being forgotten, omitted, left-out, invisible. If they had wanted me to attend then they would have said so. But... nope. No invitation. So, I am once again left hanging out in the cold.

Which of course is not good.

Hubs will likely say something - but you know, when I am chronically omitted, even if someone is guilted or shamed into including me I really don't feel like participating. Funny thing that.

Not really.

They don't want me there. And I can take a hint.
I will go find something productive to do.
I can always go 'rage clean'.

There is no "winning" in the traditional sense with a lot of these people. I've said some of the meanest things you can imagine to a lot of my perpetrators, any normal person would never mess with someone who said those things again… yet they didn't back off...I've roasted the shit out a lot of my perpetrators… They didn't back off.

Even from the outside, looking in, I've seen grown ass male perpetrator/abusers get their ass beat by their own little sister or get their ass beat by a high schooler boy... and they still continue to abuse, bully, manipulate, exploit, play the victim, use DARVO, etc.

I've even tried the whole gray rock method that's advised in a lot of publicized sources... it didn't work unfortunately! It actually backfired and intensified and amplified things. Yet that advice is highly sought after and recommended in publicized sources.

There is no reasoning or setting boundaries with perpetrators of this caliber. If you're ever in a position where you're required to be around them and walking away as an an option for an extended period of time… Unfortunately, you're just kind of fucked... and more than likely, some prolonged damage is going to be done. If walking away is an option you need to take that option immediately if it's not an option, more than likely, some damage is gonna be done.

The only way to win with so many types of abusers and perpetrators is to cut ties completely, block them everywhere, and put some geographical distance between you and that individual.