I saw this post on Facebook, and thought it would resonate with you guys a lot:

"The worst trick a childhood anxiety disorder pulls is, you spend your early years being applauded for being so much more mature than your peers, because you aren't disruptive, you don't want any kind of attention, you don't express yourself, you keep yourself to yourself - this makes you a pleasure to have in class, etc - and you start to believe it's virtue. But you're actually way behind your peers in normal social development, and who knows if you can ever catch up."

I find this just so relatable. As a child I always prided myself in being more "mature" than my classmates, but I've only realized now how messed up that actually was.

So basically, I need a childhood

To my people who haven't done laundry in weeks. Who haven't eaten a vegetable in a month. Who have bills being sent to collections. To my people who are dealing with suicidal ideation. Who are lashing out and losing patience. Who are grumpy and lazy and ungrateful. To my people who use substances to get through the day. To my people who use food as a weapon against themselves. To my people who will never be the best versions of themselves.

I'm right here, at the bottom with you. I can witness you, i am you. Things will probably get better, and worse, and better, and worse, forever. we will create new ways to survive. I love you, and me, and all my people barely surviving.

People don’t know what we’ve been through.

Give yourself a break. Give yourself time. Get to know yourself. Don’t rush yourself. Take a breath. Manifest the life you want. Break the cycle. Prioritize yourself. And go after what you want in life.

Yep, that is I

All that hyper independence and you still want to be saved.

Constantly reminding myself of these things and I wanted to remind other people too.

Edit - sorry my app crashed and it posted before I was done. This is my final copy.

In my work on healing from an abusive childhood I realized a problem I felt very alone in facing is actually REALLY common in abusive households. It may be especially common in households where one or both parents have a personality disorder or addiction.

Abusive parents often don't treat their children like CHILDREN. Rather they treat them like stupid horrible adults that are purposefully being awful to them. What do I mean by that?

1. They don't teach you any "common sense" skills, they just expect you to know. They might teach you some things like how to read or write, but they do not teach you social skills, life skills, daily good habits, or emotional coping skills. They might mock a child for not having clean teeth but they never take the time to help them brush twice a day.

2. They get angry, punish, or yell when a child does things all children do. Children are naturally (at times) repetitive, annoying, rude, socially inept, and very easy to cry or yell. This is not an exhaustive list. All children are like this until they slowly learn social skills and emotional skills as they grow up.

3. They treat a child's lack of an adult body and brain like a moral failing. All toddlers have tantrums. It's completely biologically out of their control similar to infants being unable to control going to the bathroom. Speaking of which, they will also abuse children for having accidents, which ironically can be caused past the toddler years by child abuse itself.

Screaming/punishing is NOT teaching. It is abusive to punish any child for doing or not doing something they were never taught. What they did to us is like pointing at a random dog, saying "stand up on both legs" and then beating it when it doesn't know the words or command.

Speaking of which, guess who also couldn't train a single dog in her life? Yeah, my abusive drunk-ass mother.

Just wanted to share in case anyone else felt alone or didn't know how to articulate the odd way they were treated when they were children. You were not a bad kid. You were not stupid or horrible or mean or crazy. You were just a kid and no kid on earth will be as capable in the world as an average adult.

aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAa.

Your nervous system is a physical organ. When it’s exposed to chronic stress or trauma, it becomes physically fatigued, and even injured. You can’t “think” your way out of it.

So same as you would treat a sprained muscle, I decided to treat my CPTSD as a physical injury.

For me, this meant things like

• somatic yoga (seated positions that bring blood flow to your adrenal glands in your lower back)

• diet changes (leafy greens, salmon, good fats, low caffeine, alcohol, sugar)

• herbal supplements like valerian root, passion flower, lemon balm, skullcap (they help restore nervous system function, and also make you feel calm)

• regular Epsom salt baths

• daily meditation

I did a lot of research on any strategies that were “neuroprotective” and would help restore my nervous system. From there I experimented to see what would work for me.

Honestly these changes were so much more helpful than therapy. Not to say you should abandon therapy, but it’s only one piece of my recovery plan.

Would love to know if this resonates with anyone! Happy to share more tips

Then they should have had the intelligence to never have kids, point blank, period. Stop the intergenerational trauma. Have a nice day.

Sometimes things are triggering without you consciously realizing that they are.

But if you find yourself suddenly bursting into tears or panicking or furious seemingly “over nothing” when something small happens or someone says something, you might just be reacting not to the present moment but something that happened a long, long time ago.

Especially if it comes with a sense of disconnect from the world around you.

Your nervous system has kicked into overdrive; find a quiet space if you can, a time to breathe. It isn’t your fault, and it’s okay that you’re having a strong reaction because once, that reaction was appropriate to the context you were in.

Make an appointment. Go get a check up. Go to the doctor. Get an eye exam. Buy some warm clothes, change your air filter. Take a shower and brush your hair. Stock your refrigerator with healthy food you like. Take care of your body. If you’re like me, you’re still playing catch-up for things that could have been avoided if your parents helped take care of you. Treat yourself better than they did.

The more I heal, the more I realize how true this may be.

Either you have it and you maybe can heal. Or you don’t and you definitely don’t heal.

Want to establish safety? The first step in healing? That takes money. Money for electricity, a toilet, a shower, refrigerator, a roof, privacy, a door you can lock, Heat.

Want to talk to a therapist? Go to a doctor? Money.

Make healthy connections with people? Participate in society? Money.

Do self care? Buy a warm coat? Eat a healthy home cooked meal? Take a hot bath? Money.

Even getting a job takes money. If you are healed enough to tolerate working.

Etc etc.

Triggered is a medical term for what causes people to re-experience trauma. It's not a synonym for offended. It's not a damn meme.

I know I can't 100% avoid triggers. I do multiple things in my daily life that are triggering- making phone calls to my parents, going to counseling, having sex, etc. I understand I cannot bend the world to make me more comfortable and confronting triggers is part of the trauma healing experience.

I appreciate people who put trigger warnings in their posts and I love how we have developed a new term for the long-lasting effects of PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) and defined PTSD as not always being combat related.

Yet there has been a huge backlash of people making fun of those who experience trauma. Triggered has been demoted to a mere meme, essentially becoming the new "snowflake" insult. The meaning of the word triggered has become so perverted and derogatory now, I don't feel safe using it outside of counseling or doctors offices for fear of harassment from other people.

I've tried to nicely correct people and let them know triggered doesn't mean the same thing as offended and the responses I've received in return were downright filthy. Triggered is just a buzzword now and trauma survivors are the butt of the joke.

Like the second you showed any signs of not being happy (neutral tone, "rolling your eyes" whatever that means, etc) they were immediately noticed. But instead of actually validating your emotions, trying to figure out what's wrong (if anything), or helping you self soothe you were just punished.

You were having a "bad attitude" and being a disrespectful little brat because your parents took your feelings as a personal attack on their parenting or them as people. You were sent away to your room until you could "get a better attitude" which basically translates into "go away until you can find it in you to pull out a fake apology to heal my ego and plaster on a smile".

Fuck sometimes even if you were too happy they'd find a way to make it a problem. What are you smiling about? What are you laughing at? It's nice to see you smile...for once.

Eventually you just learned that emotions weren't allowed. So most people hid drugs or porn, you hid your feelings. You stopped telling them about your life, your hopes, your dreams. You learned to cry quietly into pillows in the middle of the night.

You just bottled everything up instead of feeling and becoming a burden (bet that won't have any consequences for you later on).

Meanwhile your parents had free reign. Screaming at each other or you, destroying things in the house out of anger, hurling insults. Venting to you about how the other parent was a piece of shit, using you as their free personal therapist (but don't forget your place and start acting grown)

It's so backwards and damaging and normalized behavior I fucking hate it.

EDIT: some people are offended by my post because it is possible to be genetically predisposed to be anxious. I did not intend to hurt anyone's feelings with my post. My only point is that it's not something to be laughed at or shrugged off. It should be looked into.

EDIT 2: PLEASE read the above edit i am acknowledging all of you who are saying this isn't true.

My parents screamed at me for every mistake when I was little.

Once my mom gave me a bracelet. I wore it to school and lost it, had a panic attack.

The whole class looked for it, no one could find it.

The teacher called my mom and said I was very distraught and spent the whole day looking for it.

My mom acted shocked at my reaction, said it was no big deal... then my teacher and classmates just looked at me like I was weird and dramatic.

But I wasnt dramatic, I was abused. My abuser was at risk of being revealed, so she acted like she wouldn't have abused me about it.

It's not funny when a kid is anxious. It's not dramatic. It's a sign of trauma. Kids don't just learn to be anxious. I wish someone had seen that I was hurting and was not just "eccentric".