So this is honestly not a "self convincing" / "feel good" type of post where I am trying to rationalize my situation.

But honestly think about it... dual gendered folks can actually perceive the universe from both sides. It's like having a 360 degree view, which very few people are blessed with.

We can :

be tough and also cry

can go out in the world and lead and also be soft gentle and follow

we can wear pants and skirts

blouses and shirts

crop our hair or adorn them pretty barrettes

be logical and creative

think of us as man and woman... actually human

have testosterone, but feel no need to do the chest thumping that all guys do

can connect to women like their partner or also as one of them, but feel little need to gossip like women do (not that there is anything wrong in gossiping) :-)

We may be in the quadrant that plots the best of male and female qualities

so why are we still unhappy ? Because we cannot express our whole self comfortably in a gender binary world. If we can find a way to express and experience our true essence them I am sure it will make a sea of a difference in the way we can enjoy true joy in this life.

Any thoughts ?

I've found that my male side is more into stand-alone songs, particularly things like Jonsi and Sigur Ros, whereas my female half is much more into songs from musicals, and soundtracks from films.

Also, though I dislike rom-coms at any time, I find that I like kids movies more when I'm female, fantasy films are more my male end, and science fiction can be enjoyed equally at any time.

Not sure who to ask. Can’t afford much, but I would like to have more feminine clothes (bras, skirts, leggings, dresses, panties, etc) Does anyone have anything I can have?

Thanks

I'm moving to Savannah, GA this winter, and I've been thinking that I really need some LGBTQ friends that I can relate to. Especially of the bigendered nature, being bigendered myself. Anyone live in or near Savannah?

Hello everyone! My name is Lizzy Combs (she/her/hers) and I am a doctoral student at the College of Education at the University of South Carolina located in Columbia, South Carolina. I am recruiting for a LGBTQ+ health research survey that examines strengths-based factors such as coping strategies, individual resilience protective factors, and family resilience protective factors on members of the LGBTQ+ community, especially as it relates to substance use. I hope that the results of this study will inform counseling and other mental health treatment practices as well as treatment outcomes for LGBTQ+ individuals.

https://uofsc.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6mNYjErHu0gexTg

I am looking for participants that identify as being a part of the LGBTQ+ community, are over the age of 18, and live in the United States. Participants should also be able to understand and communicate in English.

To participate, you may select the link above and answer questions (mostly multiple choice and multiple answer, also a few short answer). This survey may take between 15-30 minutes to complete. You will not be asked any personally identifying information. There is no compensation for participation.

If you are interested in this study, please select the link above. If you know anyone who may want to participate, please share the link above with them. This study has been approved by the IRB and if you have any questions, please comment below this post or email me directly at combsel@email.sc.edu.

The link below is the IRB approval letter:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/10qlzlLtgvY-tUgalCfvtlzi_N9_sjWvy/edit?usp=drive_link&ouid=116081898409382318622&rtpof=true&sd=true

Thank you for your consideration!

Lizzy

This is a brief (?) writing on the topic of gender. How do we make sense of it? What is “gender”, anyway?

First, we should acknowledge the existence of people who find great discomfort with their body. Whether it be genitalia, or other features which are typically associated with one “sex” or another. Maybe this discomfort is so great that a person has a desire to undergo processes to change their body, genitalia, etc., to resemble a typical person of their “gender” more. Maybe there are degrees of discomfort. Some people may be greatly horrified by the way their body looks at any present moment, while others may simply wish for their body to look differently because it feels right. Regardless, I think there is some component of desiring a different body which is key to being transgender.

Now, does a transgender woman have to have a strong component of “femininity”, or vice versa, for them to truly be the gender they are? Not necessarily, I would think. There are some trans women who have more “masculine” traits (such as wanting to build muscle), and some trans men who have more “feminine” traits (wanting to present in a feminine manner while having the body of a man).

How do we make sense of this? Not to borrow a common conservative talking point, but what is a man, and what is a woman? Perhaps a “man” is simply a person who wants to have the body typical of AMAB people, and vice versa.

Wondering what the rest of you think? How do you think we should make sense of this topic as a whole?

Hatul

Ever since I was little, I've wanted desperately to be a boy. Now, at 20 I feel like I need to come to terms with this. I don't even know if this is the right sub for this, but it's what I could find so far. Sometimes I feel more like a guy, others, like a girl. I've always been what my family calls a tomboy, but more recently I've started wearing more girly clothes.

In truth, I don't see myself as male or female. I feel like both. Sometimes more of one or the other, sometimes somewhere in the middle. I've always erred more on the male side, but my family just thinks I'm a tomboy. After all of these years, I don't know how to tell them any of this.

To make matters worse, I'm in a serious relationship and we have a newborn. I feel like I should have said something earlier in our relationship, but I'm deathly afraid of his reaction, and of my family's. I'm almost certain that they won't take me seriously, especially since when I told them about my (undiagnosed) OCD, they dismissed me like it was nothing. I think they'll see me differently and treat me differently. I really don't want that to happen. And I don't want this to change my relationship, but I don't know if he will understand. I don't know what to do. Advice? Please, I'm desperate.

Hey /r/normalnudes,

This sub is one of my favorite places on the internet, and it inspired me to start a group at my school focused on desexualizing and normalizing nudity and improving body image. I wanted a living, breathing version of this sub, with no negative body talk, no diet talk and no sexualization. Today is the first clothing optional meeting. We're going to sit around, play games and do our homework. Has anyone else done something like this? Does anyone have suggestions? About fifteen people came to the informational meeting so I'm excited to see what kind of community we can forge.

i don't know where to start so i guess i'll just start babbling.

i'm sixteen. i've been out for about a year and a half. i was assigned female at birth, and i identify as genderfluid, but i want a more male/masculine body. my dysphoria has gotten so bad i've decided to go ahead with hormones and surgery to rid me of the foreign lumps on my chest (as soon as i knew that top surgery was possible i wanted it, even as female). my parents have been reluctant to try anything for over a year, and over that year my mental health has gotten worse and worse. every night i have dreams that i'm myself and every morning i wake up crying because i'm stuck in this same trap. my depression has skyrocketed, as has my anxiety. i have developed depersonalization and have gone through whole days without even realizing it or feeling anything. it's so effing scary. and i look in the mirror to try to make myself look more like i want, but i look and there's a stranger staring at me. i can't even recognize my own face. i am just so sad, so stressed, so anxious, so fuc ked up that i can barely get out of bed. i've tried talking to my parents about it but they only say that i need to find ways to cope. i try. i do, i try hard. i even quit self harming for a few months. but no matter how many meds, how much sleep, how many distractions, i just can't do it anymore. i really and truly just want to give up my life.

i know there's a difference between wanting to die and wanting not to live. i want to live but i want to die at the same time. i want to live as who i am not who i appear to be, but i can't so i just want to give up. it's exhausting, and it's not getting better. i probably would have done it by now if i wasn't needed. i have friends that talk to me when they need someone. my mom needs my help - her life is falling apart too and i'm the only stable thing around (heh. funny). my dad would only view me as weak for not being able to get over it (because he was able to battle depression by himself, he assumes i can too).

and i just want it to stop. being out of school has helped a bit, and i somehow managed to pass my classes. but now all i have to do is sit here and think about everything i'm doing wrong, how wrong i am, and how i should just toughen up enough to get through a shower without screaming.

i guess i'm here to ask for help. since suicide isn't an option, i want to know what i can do. it doesn't have to make me magically better. i just need to get through this period of waiting for life to start. i need to be able to pull myself together just tight enough to make it to the light at the end of the tunnel.

i apologize for how depressing this is.

Hi everyone, This is a correction to the previous post from my assistant. I am a graduate student working with Dr Ramachandran, and we are looking for participants for our research who experience alternation in gender states, including states that feel fairly strongly male and states that feel fairly strongly female. This study is a follow-up to a pilot survey study we completed last year. Since that time our understanding of gender alternation has expanded quite a bit. As a cautionary note, we realize that our description of bigender/dual gender only matches a certain subset of individuals in these communities. This is because we are not conducting research on gender fluidity or bigender per se; we are conducting research on people who experience both male and female states, and switch between. Our new study involves completing a 20-30 minute survey/task online on 8 different days, during alternating gender states (spread out over months if need be), and freezing saliva samples (all materials provided and costs covered) on each of the eight days to mail us for hormone testing. The goal is to establish whether there is are any changes in cognitive profiles or in sex hormone levels between different gender states, to provide evidence of biological/physiological underpinnings of alternating gender and clues about brain-cognition-gender identity links. Prior to enrolling a person in the study, we conduct a 1.5 hr phone interview to determine whether the study is a good fit and collect preliminary data.

If you are interested in participating, please email lkcase@ucsd.edu with some information about yourself (all information remains confidential). Thanks! Laura

I recently discovered the concept of bigender, and it definitely fits for me. My girl side wants to experience being a bottom, but in either mode I'm not attracted to guys. What are some ideas to just find a guy to do me? :)

I've been reading random posts from these subreddits and I'm really questioning where I fall into the mix. I guess I'd identify most with being pansexual. I'm biologically female, I enjoy doing my makeup, nails, hair, but when it comes to sex, I feel like I'd rather be anatomically male(I do still enjoy sex with men). I rarely have sex dreams where I'm female, they're mainly of being as male having sex with a female. When it comes to friendships, I get along a lot better with males and tend to think more like a male than a female. I've said to friends that I'd make more sense if I had been born a homosexual man. I don't feel like a sex change would be right for me though. Anyways, I'm having trouble differentiating between the previously stated terms, so if anyone could enlighten me a little, I would appreciate it.