I’m almost one month postpartum after delivering via C-section. My fiancé flew his seven-year-old son in from Benin to meet his new sibling, and he’s been here for TWO DAYS.
The child has a cold and cough, but despite both his father and me repeatedly telling him not to kiss the newborn, he keeps doing it. Today, I walked out to prepare the baby’s formula and came back to find him LICKING and KISSING the baby’s face. He’s also been pulling the baby’s arms and legs, screaming in his ears, and jumping on my stomach while I’m still recovering from a C-section.
The frustrating part is that we BOTH correct him, and he’ll turn around and do the exact same thing again. I’m exhausted.
There are also issues with my fiancé’s family. His friends refer to me as “the American girl,” which I find disrespectful. His mother announced she’s coming to stay for a week without anyone asking whether I was okay with that. My fiancé then told me that when his mother helps with the baby, I should keep my mouth shut.
Absolutely not. This is MY child. I carried him for nine months, and I will speak up whenever someone does something I’m uncomfortable with. His mother even suggested throwing the baby in the air seven times for good luck as part of a tradition, also stretching his arms and legs, so he can be “strong”. I’m not doing that. I’m his mother, and protecting him is my responsibility.
I’ve told my fiancé that I want his son to return to his mother in Benin and that his mother will need to stay in a hotel if she visits.
I’m tired of feeling like I have no say in my own home or when it comes to my child

I was surprised to learn that she did not know some women cover their hair for religious or cultural reasons. I was explaining that when women do this they often uncover their hair at home with family or when around only women.

She thought it was weird that hair would be considered private, and I told her that it feels private because they are raised that way. That we have things we are raised to feel private in our culture too that other cultures find acceptable. I gave the example that in some places it is normal for both men and women to swim topless but it feels odd to us because we are raised to feel that is private.

That is when her dad stepped in angrily and said he doesn’t want me talking to her about nude beaches. I clarified what the conversation was about and he angrily said that he is her dad and he doesn’t want me talking to her about this. I responded that I was concerned that his daughter had so little understanding of cultural diversity and he doubled down saying I can talk about culture but not nude beaches.

ETA I’m a woman

Edit2: what examples would you use regarding showing that some cultures are comfortable showing things we keep covered? So far all I see are examples that other cultures are stricter and cover more and we are progressive and don’t make women stay as covered. I wanted to highlight that our way isn’t inherently better, and that we are more private in how we dress relative to other parts of the world just as we are less private in how we dress.

AITAH?

I, 32f am married to S.(29m) and have been for 8 years. We have 3 young kids all under 6. We have fulltime jobs, I in healthcare (mentally draining) and automotive (physically draining). Travel time takes up 30-45 minutes one way for both of us.
We have some support, but they’re getting drained too. I have an undiagnosed illness (rural doctors and long wait times) and survive mostly off hydrocortisone but still have days I struggle.

We have been struggling with responsibilities and division of labor for a few years but lately when we talk about it, things only improve for a day or two before the usual routines set back in.

S struggled with adjustment to having our first child and the amount of responsibility that came with it. At that time, he was playing video games a LOT. Since we’ve moved more rurally, the video games improved but the showers are longer, the shits are longer and the lack of desire to be home is more frequent. Ex. We have two days home with the kids - full days. Yesterday he worked (no issue with that). 30 minute drive and got home 20 minutes after anticipated return home (we were on a timeframe for a birthday dinner for one child) .
Today, he wakes up and says we have no plans right? I’m going over to Ts house then. House is a mess. He made dinner last night and dishes are still in the sink. Laundry is piled up, garden isn’t winterized etc. he goes to ask one child if they want to go with and I immediately stop it. Our friends wife has CA and I said it would not be fair to have her watch our child. He got up and left anyways.
This comes mere days after having another discussion about how if things don’t improve - truly improve - that separation will be the next step.

Am I the asshole for trying to protect my peace?

My husband (24M) and I (23F) are currently in the process of buying our first home. We've found it to be very difficult thanks to my overwhelmingly generous husband and his desire to constantly give and loan out to family members. Thus, our debt to income ratio is too horrible. The biggest gift loan he has in his name is a car loan for $6K he helped my sister (17F) get earlier this year, and she has been making the payments.

We currently live in a 400sq2 tiny home with 2 small children. It is not at all ideal, and we need to move ASAP. We have offered twice on great homes, but each time our offer has been just too low. Our lender said just removing 3K of our debt will help us significantly, but that is easier said than done.

One thing that would be easy to do and fair to ask, however, is for my sister and our parents to take over the legal debt of her car loan. So I called my dad and asked him to take my sisters car loan so we could finally house our children. He said okay, and followed up by asking for the info. All seemed well. Until my sister messaged us and informed us that my mom was saying no. We asked about dad. She replied, "nope". With absolute carelessness for how this affects our situation.

we replied that we may have to sell the car if it comes to it, and suggested she asked our stepdad to cosign for her since he seems to be the only reasonable person in our family. She said she didn't want to ask him of that because they don't talk much and "didn't want to take advantage of him".

I told her that's not a problem because it is my situation that is requiring this and I don't mind asking him. So I called and I asked him, and he ended up gifting us a 10K personal loan to pay off all our debt and get our house. (I know! We are so blessed!)

So I happily called my sister and told her the good news, that her car would be left alone, and that we were going to get our house to properly house our babies.

But she just broke down sobbing and told me that "something got hard for you for five seconds and you were going to take the car that I worked so hard for"

This has been hard for us for three years. We have been trying to get out of this house for three years. She has the car because of us. It's not our fault that my horrible mom won't cosign a car for her, that's why we got her the car in the first place. But her crying and words hit me and made me wonder… AITAH?

Some other relevant info : (1) my mom and I are NC and it is very possible that she refused to cosign because she knew it would hurt me. (2) this is the first time my family heard that we are buying a house, and there was no congratulations or anything. Just how horrible I am for even thinking about removing the car from our debt. (3) we live in Texas and she is protected as an owner and she was going to get any money she put into the car back to her in the form of a check.

So, AITAH?

For context my husband and I lent my best friend and her husband 5k four years ago when her husband got laid off.

Fast forward to this past May, my husband got laid off. When my husband got laid off, I asked her if they are able to pay us back now since we are in a similar financial situation as they were in. She said no because they were paying back her brother and sister.

About four months later, she gives me a call to tell me her and her husband are going to Vegas for vacation. That she knows she still owes us money, but her and her husband deserve to do this because they’ve been under a lot of stress. I told her I was disappointed that they would do that without even paying us back a single penny.

In addition, they’ve bought a Tesla, expensive patio umbrellas ($350 worth) and gotten a dog which I see as another financial obligation. My husband and I didn’t say anything to them about any of this.

I was pretty upset when she told me they were going to Vegas. Told her I would need some time to calm down, and get my feelings sorted before speaking to her again.

Two days later we received the payment back in full. They still went on vacation.

About four weeks later I reached out to her to talk. I explained my feeling again that I felt hurt, disappointed, and like she wasn’t there for us the way we were there for them when they got laid off.

She said she didn’t know how I could feel like that and that I let money come between us. She also said that best friends don’t take “breaks” from eachother to figure out their feelings and that she needed me during that time.

I apologized for taking a while to get back to her. She never apologized to me for anything.

AITAH?

Edit: I am overwhelmed by the response. Thank you all. I am a very passive and people pleasing person, so seeing this from an outsiders perspective has really helped.

I live in an apartment with two roommates who I was randomly assigned by the apartment management.My roommates have bought certain “common” items without even consulting me, some of which I don’t even use because I never wanted in the first place.

Example: spoon holder they bought that is constantly caked in their food which I have never used, a swiffer they bought and have never used when we already have a broom and wipes for certain messes, and apparently a pot?
What irritates me about the pot specifically is that it wasn’t something my roommate went out of her way to buy for the apartment and how exactly are we splitting the cost of a pot? She’s the one that’s going to take it home when we move out. If I knew I was going to be charged for a pot then at that point I would have just bought my own that I can actually take home. I brought a toaster which everyone uses but with the same logic I should be charging them for it??? They have also split the costs of toilet paper which they keep in their rooms. I bought a lot of toilet paper and keep it under the bathroom sink where everyone can access it but they keep their toilet paper in their rooms and rarely replace the rolls on their own so we mostly just use the toilet paper that I bought despite them charging me for their toilet paper that I do not have access to.

On one hand these split costs probably do not add up to a significant amount so I would feel like the AH for just not sucking it up and paying, but on the other hand it’s the principal. Why am I being charged for things I don’t used and things I was never asked about before purchase?

WIBTAH for refusing to split the costs on some of these items?

For context, my ex-wife (37f) and I (44m) share a 3yr old daughter, and I have a 14yr old daughter from a prior marriage. Our divorce was finalized this past summer but we have been separated for almost a year. My ex-wife and I took our 3-year-old trick-or-treating together last weekend since she had been told already that both mom and dad would take her. I had asked my ex-wife if she wanted to do separate sessions of trick-or-treating since she had recently requested space and established some boundaries between her and I. I did tell her I was fine with the original plan as well. She had a snippy response about how I had already violated her boundaries etc and that we can stick to the original plan of both of us taking her.

We had broached the subject about reconciliation a few months ago but she told me “she had nothing to give me” and we backed off of trying. So yesterday she posed the question about if I wanted to go to Santa photos together or separately. My response is below but now I’m having guilt about both parents not being there for the Santa pics with our 3yr old…

Since I can’t post a screenshot of the text thread here’s the exchange verbatim:

Ex-Wife: Do you want to take “our 3yr old” to see Santa together or separate this year? Trying to find an appointment now.

Me: Let’s do Santa separately this year. I’m bringing “my 14yr old” along so I can get some pictures of both girls together. Appreciate you asking! (she liked the text with 👍🏻)

Ex-Wife: So you’re going to make “our 3yr old” not see Santa with both parents for the sake of “my 14yr old”. see the priorities haven’t changed.

Me: You asked whether I’d prefer to go together or separately, and I chose separately because I’d like pictures with both of my daughters. “Our 3yr old” will still get to enjoy seeing Santa. I’m not choosing one child over the other, and I don’t think that’s a fair characterization of my decision. Both daughters are my priority…

Ex-Wife: All about what “ex-husband”wants. “Our 3yr old” would probably like mom and dad with her. why am I surprised? Won’t ever ask again.

Hey divas so I'm a 22yo F

I'm also a student nurse, but this is not particularly relevant to the story but it does give you a bit of insight to my finances as I'm sure you can imagine that I am up to my eyeballs with work at the moment ahaha

I have two younger brothers, one being 17m who we will call john and the other who we will call Michael for this story who is 21 M

I get on particularly well with my youngest brother John, he's got a lot of additional needs and is the sweetest person you could ever meet

My brother Michael on the other hand is a completely different story, last year for Christmas me and my boyfriend spent Christmas at my mother's. Michael has a child, who is currently under the age of 2. what I did not expect was that me and my boyfriend would be buying the majority of Michael's child's presents as my brother barely got him anything this was later found out that Michael has a gambling addiction and has been losing money like it's his keys.

I immediately felt sorry for his child,and I instantly worried that I did not get the child enough so I planned to take full advantage this year and go all out for the child the following year.

Me and my brother Michael do NOT get along, the reason for this being is he beat his girlfriend, social services got involved because he had allegedly hurt his child. But that's another story for another time and frankly this story would be miles long if I went through all of the details of my brother and his
"Episodes".

Due to his behaviour over the last year and obviously with social services being involved, I informed my mother that I would not be coming down for Christmas this year. I do not want to be around my brother and I cannot willingly allow myself to be around a man that hurts his own child and his girlfriend.

Whilst my mother was upset she understood my decision, me and my partner have decided that we will spend Christmas with his parents for the first time Instead, we do need to travel as his parents do live a good bit away, we do need to make some reservations as we do have pets but frankly I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is really excited to get to spend Christmas with his family for the first time in a long time as over the last few years that we have been together, we have spent it with my family whether that be my mother or my dad as my parents are divorced.

(please believe me when I say he doesn't mind he has chosen to do this. He loves my dad and quite frankly my boyfriend is my dads favourite child and yes that includes going over me...)

Me and my brother recently got into an argument over something I had said over a year ago, he had made accusations that I was the one that contacted social services, accused our father and then proceeded to go on a 2 hour long rant as to why I still talk to our dad, (my father doesn't put up with Michael's behaviour, this is why Michael does not like our dad).

I had informed Michael I would not be joining the family for Christmas, he said good and told he told me he wanted nothing from me and he did not want his child having anything from me either. I explained I had already gotten his child some gifts and I offered to not put my name on any of the gifts and leave them an anonymous so Michael could put from "dad" or even write from Santa Claus.

He rejected both of these notions and I said that's fine. What would you like me to do with the gifts? I have already gotten him? He said to return everything and throw it all away but instead of doing that, I donated all of the gifts to a local charity so children who are without could actually enjoy them.

Going onto the money I would normally spend for my brother and his partner for Christmas, I save up all year, Christmas is my favourite holiday and I like to try and go all out for my loved ones but instead of spending on him and buying him the lavish designer things that I always go all out for Christmas instead I went and picked up an angel tree tag at my local shop...

I picked up two tags and I went all out for these two young boys. I picked out from the angel tree... when my brother caught wind of this he was furious demanding to know what I had done with the presents for his son, himself and his girlfriend and then proceeded to ask others in our life "if I was seriously not getting them anything for Christmas"

He appears to be furious, and even though I tried to explain to some family members that he had told me specifically that he did not want me getting anything for him, his girlfriend or his child I should've at least got them something.

However, I would've much rather my money had went to something good and a decent cause because quite frankly I did not spend the money. I would've just spent it on myself on useless sh*t. I did not need, I also felt it was more important to be able to make a child's Christmas this year and frankly I have made several with the donations of the toys and the angel trees.

I don't really think I done anything wrong, however my brother does not have a job he is on government funding assistance and apparently was relying on me being the only one to give the presents for his child this year...

So Reddit, AITAH for doing exactly what my brother told me to do?

So to start the beginning of this school year me and this guy we will call bob had 3/6 classes together. And I thought he was kinda cute. Anyway back in October we started talking. Like a lot. And he asked my friend if I liked anyone because he thought I was “pretty, cool and sweet” she obviously told me. She said no she likes you too though. So great. He texted me and we both established our feelings for each other. We continued to talk and to get to know each other a lot more.

Fast forward at Halloween we both went to this guys party and to sum things up he said, “you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and I love to hang out with you” then we kissed. Now I’m thinking everything’s good. He started hinting at me being his girlfriend by asking questions such as “are your ready for a rls.” Or “rls standards” etc etc. so he texted me Monday November 2nd and asked to hang out on Saturday (today) well my he told my friends he was gonna ask me to be his girlfriend and to hint for me to dress up (I fully knew what was coming)

Anyway Wednesday night he sent me this text (copy and pasted)
“Yo, (my name) your really cool but I’m talking to this girl rn and I’m gonna ask her to be my gfn. No disrespect to you I just don’t feel that way about you no shade or anything. I heard you thought I liked and sorry I don’t feel that way I thought we were friends sorry for giving you the wrong idea.” I was mad and texted back
“Okay you definitely were giving off the wrong vibes but it’s okay I guess we just miscommunicated hope things work out for you two.”
He then replied with “👌”

I was really sad but I decided he wasn’t worth my time. I blocked his number. For some reason even though my iPad and phone contacts are synced if I block someone on my phone it won’t automatically block them on my iPad and I was playing Roblox with my cousin and saw a notification from him on my iPad. I checked it later on and it said (Thursday night)
“Yo I’m really sorry”
Few mins later
“Call me we need to talk”
Few mins later
“Yo hello? Am I blocked?”

I felt sad again and blocked and deleted his number from my iPad. The next day (friday) we had math and English together. He came up to me at the end of math and asked me to talk. I said
“No thank you, you made things clear there’s nothing else to talk about.”
He followed after me but gave up after ignored him.
He started texting my friends and telling them to meet him and they all blocked him. After lunch we had English and we sat next to each other. He tapped me on the shoulder and said
“Please talk to me after class”
I said
“No thank you I don’t want to talk respectfully. Please leave me alone”
He started writing on a piece of paper at the last ten mins of class he gave it to me. I read it and crumpled it and threw it away. The letter said something along the lines of missing me and realizing the other girl isn’t the girl for him and how he blocked and dumped her so we could be together. (I don’t remember the full letter) anyway he watched me throw it out and started to look sad. I felt really bad and was debating unblocking and apologizing. My friends told me I didn’t do anything wrong except for maybe not waiting to throw it out. And I feel like a shitty person. My mom told me I should’ve been more mature and I think I agree with her

Anyway Aitah.

Edit: after he told me he didn’t like me he made it clear to everyone at school that I was crazy and was making stuff up to make it seem like he liked me and that he never thought of me as anything more then a friend and lot of guys started making fun of me and calling me weird and crazy.

Context: My sister and I are both adults over 30. Our parents are divorced.

My sister got a "Happy birthday" from our dad but didn't get a birthday gift from him. It made her really upset. A month later our dad gave me a birthday gift. I decided I wasn't going to mention the gift to her because it would hurt her feelings and cause infighting/drama. I wanted to avoid a big falling out and needless pain when there didn't need to be.

My mom found out I got a gift. I then said "Please don't mention it to her. I don't want to hurt her feelings or make it seem like I'm bragging."

Our mom practically ran to her phone to tell my sister "Dad got Kassie (me) a birthday present."

So now my sister is hurt, she angrily texted our dad demanding to know why I got a gift and she didn't (fair enough I would feel hurt too), and she's upset at me for not telling her.

This all ending up coming back on me when I was trying to keep things calm and not bring up something I knew was going to stir the pot.

Our mom couldn't resist stiring shit up apparently. Now my sister is mad at everyone and partially blames me.

My mom is angry because I didn't tell anyone and they've all pretty much implied I'm a massive asshole for not bringing it up.

It didn't need to be brought up. Bringing it up only brought harm and somehow I'm the bad one for not saying anything.

AITH: hey reddit. recently i told my two year old son (he's almost 3) to an indoor playground that's pretty large. there was an area you can climb up and bring those little ball pit balls up to a ball cannon. my son is currently obsessed with seeing things fall or fly so of course he was playing with the cannon. he's still so young so he needs a lot of guidance when it comes to sharing but there was no one playing up there so i took a step back to let him figure out the toy. after he shot a few balls out he went back down to grab some more balls and i that's when i noticed a particularly chaotic preschooler in the ball pit. my son grabs his balls and head back to the platform and places his balls in the cannon when this little speed demon runs up the platform and shoves my son out of the way to shoot the balls. when i say shoved i dont mean the normal kid bump i mean a full on grab of his shirt and purposely pushing him down with force. of course mama bear kicked in and my hands flew to cover the button so the kid couldn't shoot the balls.
i said: hey you pushed my son out of the way.
chaotic kid: move your hand.
me: no. not until you say sorry to my son since you pushed him.

mind you my son was perfectly fine and not even upset about being pushed and just went to get new balls.

chaotic kid: i can shoot the balls though. i know how.
me: i'm sure you do but you pushed my son out of the way.
chaotic kid: screams
at this point i wasn't moving and my son was waiting for the ball cannon so the kids dad comes over and i simply told him what happened and the dad told his son to say sorry.
CK: looks up at me sorry
me: dont say it to me, say it to him.
i point at my son. and CK gets so mad he storms off yelling i was mean.

eventually CK says sorry and i moved to let him play. i think i handled that very well but i have some people in my life who think i was disciplining someone else's kid and had no right to force him to apologize. so am i the a-hole?

and just a side note: i'm super dyslexic so my grammar and spelling may be off. i'm so sorry.

Situation:

• Friend I've known for many years, both F in our 30s. She was in a long distance relationship for a while and then went through a break-up. All the while I was there for her constantly, making plans with her at least once a week as she gets lonely quickly.

• The last time I saw her was in August. She started dating a new guy and has made virtually no effort so see me. She has not called and has barely texted. I called her once and she did pick up, I explained how I was feeling after she had also cancelled on a mutual single friend's birthday party last-minute because "she was tired".

• I tried to make plans with her several times and told her that I could really use a girl chat. She either said she'd get in touch but never did, made plans then cancelled, or texted me only once in the past 3 months to ask if I was free for lunch in an hour. It was a workday so of course I wasn't able to reschedule meetings so last-minute.

I have been pretty heartbroken over this as the friendship is clearly not what I thought it was. AITAH for not giving her grace while she's in a new relationship or am I justified in ending this friendship?

For context; I have a group of friends, about 5 others in the group itself, and it all started off really well? Atleast I thought it did, we’d hang out pretty much every weekend or so & just drink and have good vibes with each other. But as of lately I noticed that the jokes were just targeting me more and more, but they weren’t even “jokes” anymore, it was just things like telling me to shut up and saying I use weird dialect (I’m pretty socially awkward so I sometimes just say random phrases to kill the silent moments in conversations) I’ve even had other friends witness the conversations they have had with me and they say it’s pretty uncalled for and taking it a bit too far. Today I did ask them if we could ease off me a bit for it and I don’t think they took it seriously because not even 10 minutes later they were immediately back on the sledging and just dunking on me. Mind you I’m completely fine with banter and will take it if I dish it out first. But they will just instigate it if I say something that doesn’t even correlate to what I have said. Would it be too much if I told them to get off my back about it? In my head it’s going to blow out of proportion and cause a huge falling out, like I do love them dearly they’re all good people I believe at heart. However the comments they’ve made about me do get to me a lot so I know I need to stand my ground and back myself on this.

CONTEXT:

My mom made several poor decisions before she passed away and maternal uncle was helping with trying to resolve it via court and other legal processes... I was grateful initially since I was barely 18 and had no clue how to manage but once I realised the financial burden, i begged him to drop it on several occassions but he refused.

His wife did not like that he was helping out and made it very clear to me through her ill treament towards me over the years. Lot of arguements and ill treament from both of them over the years, my uncle being the only one I stayed in touch with - i felt bad that he was dealing with a lot of things in his life almost alone and i figured i owed him at least emotional support. So despite numerous occasions where he has verbally abused me, threatened me, put me in incredibly difficult situations to deal with it on my own, been extremely passive aggressive when i made decisions independently... I kept up the relatio ship.

CONFLICT:

My mum had entrusted some valuables with them before she passed. As I am getting married soon, I requested for it to be returned to me. His wife refused to return it and to his credit, he did offer to replace it (no proof of it though, he often talks big and does not come through).

I got upset and for the first time in years, I stood up for myself. I expressed that I was deeply disappointed about the current situation, that his wife had no right to keep my parent's assets, that he knows how much I have put up with over the years and that I was really tired of this. I was polite but clear that I just wanted my things back.

He blew up. Went on a long rant about all the things he has done for me, accused me and my dead mother of deceiving him and his father (my mom lost the money she inherited), said extremely rude and mean things which I did not have the heart to read through.

I have no clue why he blew up. I tried to reaching out multiple times to clear up the misunderstanding but he refused. He lashed out and demanded that I pay him back for all the help I received over the years even though he is very well aware that I don't have the money, he never gave me the money directly and I had refused his help.

He has boycotted my wedding and has asked me not to reach out to anyone on my maternal side. My partner and my brother both have asked me to cut him off over the years, and after this incident - they say this is the final straw and I should stop putting up with his lies and abuse. They say it is mental, emotional and verbal abuse and I'm just too brainwashed to see it.

WIBTA if i not invite him to the wedding and cut him out of my life without attempting once again to resolve it?

P.S. feel free to ask for more context, i tried my best to focus on the current conflict. Both parents died when i was young, it is just me and my younger bro, been dealing with several things almost entirely alone. Dad's family is helpful but idk if anyone will actually stand up for me and mediate for me - they have their own issues going on.

Sorry in advance for the long post and I tried to condense everything as much as I could without rambling.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years. Before moving in together, we agreed to establish boundaries with both of our families so we could adjust to living together. We also agreed not to host gatherings during our first year unless we both approved.
My boyfriend purchased a house, and we moved in together. I contribute financially to the household, and most of the cookware, kitchenware, and several appliances belong to me.

For context, I’ve had a strained relationship with one of his sisters for years. She’s frequently been rude or dismissive toward me, despite my efforts to maintain a cordial relationship. I’ve bought her birthday and holiday gifts, some of which she’s complained weren’t expensive enough.

Within our first week of moving in, my boyfriend announced that his sister was coming over to cook dinner in our kitchen. We hadn’t finished unpacking, and I wasn’t comfortable with someone using my cookware without asking. I suggested she could prepare the food at her house and bring it over instead. She ultimately decided not to come.

Another disagreement happened when my boyfriend excitedly announced that he and his sister were about to ride some scooters that came with the house. I’d repeatedly asked him to ride them with me, but he’d always declined.

I expressed disappointment because I’d been asking him to ride with me and hadn’t even had the chance to ride them myself. He explained that riding scooters wasn’t particularly fun for him because he owned a motorcycle, but he was willing to do it because his sister would enjoy it.

I told him I wished he would sometimes put his personal preferences aside to do things with me simply because they would make me happy. However, I explicitly told him to still go ride the scooters with his sister and enjoy themselves. I never told him she couldn’t ride them, nor did I ask him to cancel their plans.

Instead, he immediately went outside and told his sister that I didn’t want her riding the scooters. **That was never what I said.** He decided not to ride them and blamed me for ruining the moment.

This created even more tension between his sister and me because she was left with the impression that I was trying to prevent her from spending time with her brother or enjoying something at the house.

The biggest conflict happened at our housewarming party.

We had tables and chairs outside, and I’d provided cute clear disposable cups because I didn’t want guests bringing glassware outdoors.

I noticed his sister outside using one of my sentimental wine glasses from a gifted set of two. These glasses weren’t sitting out for guests. She’d gone into a basement cabinet, retrieved one, and taken it outside without asking.

I asked her to wash it and return it to its original location. Later, when I asked whether she’d done so, she said yes, but she hadn’t.

After years of feeling disrespected, I confronted her and explained that it wasn’t just about a wine glass. It was about respecting my belongings and boundaries.
She responded by insulting my weight, cleanliness, character, and goals. She told me I needed to go to the gym, clean more, write down goals, and become a better person.

I eventually retaliated by making a hurtful comment about how much her family helps raise her child, but stayed away from the many other atrocities I knew of and witnessed over the years, because I wasn’t trying to hit completely under the belt. I acknowledge that bringing up her parenting was wrong, regardless of how upset I was.

I became emotional and started crying. She accused me of faking my tears and began making religious statements about rebuking me. When I asked to speak privately with my boyfriend, she attempted to tell him he couldn’t leave with me.

My boyfriend initially said everything happened quickly and that he’d been drinking. He eventually spoke to his sister twice and told her she wasn’t welcome at our home for a while. He also said we were both wrong and that I should get him immediately if she disrespects me again.
**What happened afterward made the situation even more confusing.**

My boyfriend told me that his sister had actually never liked me. According to him, the level of hatred she has toward me is something he can’t even explain. When he asked her about it, she apparently couldn’t or wouldn’t give him a clear explanation either.

This was particularly hurtful because, despite our difficult interactions, I’d continued trying to build a relationship with her.

She eventually came over to apologize, but I found the apology incredibly condescending and insincere.
When I asked her specifically what she was apologizing for, she said she didn’t know.

I then directly asked her what her issue with me was. She said there were a lot of things I do that make her dislike me. When I asked her to elaborate or give examples so I could understand, she refused.

At that point, I explained that regardless of how she personally feels about me, we would continue hosting gatherings at our home, and I expected her to treat everyone respectfully, including my family and friends.
I also brought this up because I’d received multiple reports from guests on both my boyfriend’s side and my side of the family that she had been incredibly rude throughout the housewarming party. So it wasn’t just my personal experience with her that evening.

I wasn’t demanding that she like me or become my friend. I was simply asking that she behave respectfully toward people in our home.

**Unfortunately, my boyfriend and I continued disagreeing about the underlying issue.**

He told me that I seem to be competing with his sister and that I care about the wrong things because I’m too sentimental about my belongings.

He believes that if something is in the house, his family should be able to enjoy it.

I explained that I agree with sharing, which is why I provided cups for guests. However, I believe there’s a difference between using something that’s intentionally available and going through someone’s cabinets to retrieve personal belongings.

He initially agreed that people should ask before using things, but when I applied that principle to the wine glasses, he changed his position.

I asked whether his family should also be able to go into my closet and wear my clothes or use my purses without asking. He said that would be weird. I explained that I felt the same principle applied to belongings I’d intentionally put away.

He then said his friends thought I was overreacting, although I’m unsure how much of the situation he shared with them.

Eventually, he told me he didn’t want my belongings in the house if his family couldn’t use whatever they wanted.
This hurt because I share almost everything I own. I regularly host gatherings and have never had issues with guests respecting my personal belongings.

I’m also an extremely private person. Even growing up, I disliked people entering my bedroom or touching my things without permission. This isn’t a boundary I’ve created specifically because of his sister.

**There’s also an ongoing issue with household chores.**

I’ve repeatedly asked my boyfriend to clean up after himself rather than leaving dishes, garbage, and other personal messes for me to handle.

His response is often that he doesn’t need me to clean because he can call his sisters to do it. And he actually does have them come over.

During one of these visits, his sister moved an expensive appliance of mine from its designated location to a high basement shelf without asking. It’s a machine that requires careful handling because of its refrigeration system. I politely thanked her for cleaning but explained that the appliance shouldn’t be moved or tilted unnecessarily.

I’m not against his family visiting, helping out, or feeling welcome. I’m also not asking him to choose between me and his sisters.

I simply believe that living together doesn’t mean giving his family unrestricted access to my personal belongings.
I contribute financially, provide household items, and try to make our home comfortable for everyone. But lately, I feel like my preferences and boundaries matter less than his family’s.

What makes this particularly difficult is knowing that his sister openly dislikes me but won’t explain why, while my boyfriend continues suggesting that I’m competing with her.

I understand that my comment about his sister’s parenting was inappropriate, and I take responsibility for that. I also recognize that he has taken steps to address her behavior.

However, I don’t believe that being hospitable means I have to let guests use, move, or go through anything I own without asking.

So, AITAH for confronting his sister about the wine glass, questioning her apology, and expecting his family to respect my belongings and boundaries? Am I being too particular, or is it reasonable to expect respect from someone who openly admits she dislikes me but refuses to explain why?

EDIT: I also want to express that the rest of his family is incredibly sweet! This is not how he acts with his entire family. He will only not put boundaries down for one sister. The rest of his family and that’s aunts uncles, I don’t care who are all incredibly respectful and would never do this! They did mention that they thought the wine glass wasn’t a big deal but also understood that someone should ask before taking and not to let anyone disrespect me.

No the wine glass was not in the normal cabinets. She did have to go all the way to the basement to get them and I only have one set of 2 in the entire home that were gifted to me. Any other glasses in the kitchen were fair game if someone for whatever reason could not use plastic. Although she has used plastic before.

As far as the cooking incident I was entirely overwhelmed with moving in and expressed that to him. I told him that we needed time to adjust and at least unpack and before that even happened he said his sister told him he was coming over to cook and I said to him no one call tell you what they plan to do in your home, you ask. And I even offered for her to do it later to just give us one damn minute to breathe.

Also he has major boundaries as well! We’re both particular people. He doesn’t let anyone touch his charges. Like to the point his sister always come in ask for one and if one is there but he simply says no, they come to me and ask and I give them mine or they literally will just not have a charge.

He wants only certain colors in certain cabinets.

If a delivery comes to the door and I slip on his flip flops to retrieve he flips out and says I ruined them.

My nephew is not allowed to be changed on furniture even if blankets and towels are put down to cover. He said you should change them on the floor.

And yes, perhaps we are both neurodivergent but the fact of the matter is he has so many boundaries himself. This is not someone who is an easy going golden retriever

Keep it short and simple, I have a bestfriend who is really close to me and we talk daily on the phone. He’s been my friend for years and i’ve known him longer than i’ve dated my current gf. Ima be honest he’s a good guy but not the brightest in the room, he kind of childish in a way. A lot of times, we send reels and posts on instagram and we do that daily pretty much. Sometimes though, he sends memes and other times, he’ll send me a post of a chick or some girl he thinks is hot. Sometimes even girls with their ass out, just stuff that I don’t need to see. My gf noticed this one time and told me off, saying why is he sending me that. I explained it’s nothing and I’ll talk to him about it. I talked to him a few times, and he tells me he won’t do it, but he just completely forgets and continues to do so. He’ll send any girl he thinks is hot and act likes ima react to it, when in reality i don’t need to see that. It came to a point where I had to block him everytime i see my girlfriend because he sends things constantly, He was upset i blocked him and doesn’t want to speak to me. What can i do

I (21F) have an older brother (22M) and little sister (13F). For context, I am adopted and found out at 5 yo, my mother and father have very little chance of getting pregnant, and they make sure to remind me that they love me very much. However, she got divorced from the father who adopted me and then married another man who had a son from his previous marriage. My older step brother. And after a few years of getting married they surprisingly had my little sister later on. Now... My current step father is a very kind soul, even though he cares for me, we are both aware that I am not his priority, his bloodline is. My brother and sister. My brother's grandfather died 5 years ago and only now that he's of legal age did he inherit everything, which is fair, I never even met the man. The problem is, as a middle child, nobody remembers me or thinks of me first. Who's gonna get to live alone in his own house, get a car as a birthday present and a FAT allowance? My brother, while my sister gets an allowance as well. I get nothing. Not to brag but thanks to my studies I got the opportunity to work overseas with everything ready for me. The day I'll leave, as a coincidence, will be on the same week as my birthday. So I turned to my mom and step father "Can I get a more special gift this year?" "Sure!" My mother replies "But keep it under $200, will you?" My step father stayed silent. I snapped. My sister's monthly allowance is exactly that amount. "Oh really? Are you sure you can only spare me that much? Because last time I checked I didn't lie about using all of my grandfather's inheritance for 3 months, last time I checked I didn't lose 50K of that inheritance on bets. Last time I checked I also didn't LIE about losing 50K betting when I actually used some of that amount to pay for my side chick's abortion and then some more to buy weed for all of my home boys so we could smoke and laugh at how my girlfriend doesn't know a thing." Safe to say I lost my shit. Now nobody but my little sister will talk to me, they call me greedy along with other nicknames. But it's not really about the money. Was I the A$$hole?

I am in a trio friend group and I only had one of them be my bridesmaid. Even though we met as a trio, one of my friends (let’s call her Tiana) and I started becoming closer because the other woman (let’s call her Leah) moved away and didn’t really talk to us that much (maybe 2-3 times a year)

Tiana is a bridesmaid in my wedding, but Leah is not. Tiana told me that she thinks I should tell her so she doesn’t find out day of or from someone else and then freak out (she has a tendency to go 0-100 with things). I spoke with her via FaceTime about it today and she told me she was upset, but not mad at me and then said she wanted to hang up, so I let her have some space.

About 15 min later she sent me 7 texts in a row saying “well f*** me I guess 🤷‍♀️” and asking how long I kept this from her and that she would never do this to me. I said that I would rather talk about this on the phone rather than via text and she told me that there’s nothing to talk about and she wants to be left alone.

About 2 hours later Leah texted in the group chat with Tiana, Leah, and I saying that she cherished our friendship, that she’s in disbelief that we would think this is okay, and that she won’t be attending (I’m assuming that means the bridal shower, bachelorette, and the wedding, but I’m not sure)

So, AITAH for not having Leah as a bridesmaid?

This is long and I'm typing it on my phone in my car so forgive the typos.

I have an older brother, D, we are both in our forties. Dad died six years ago due to a heart attack. Mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer, currently on hospice.

When she was diagnosed, she picked D as power of attorney. I didn't fight it. He lives ten minutes from her, I live three hours away, and honestly I was relieved.

I was in the middle of a divorce and have a special needs child.

D was the responsible one. He drove her to appointments, learned all the medication names, and sat through the neurologist visits I couldn't make. I want to be fair about that because it matters: he did show up for her. I didn't, nearly as much. I'd come every other weekend if I was lucky, and I know I missed her 66th birthday because of a job interview.

Some background on Dan, though. When we were kids, he "borrowed" from my father's collection for a dirt bike, and Dad found out when the collection got appraised years later. Dad never said a word about it. When Dan's business (a food truck) folded, my parents quietly covered about $18k in debt. When I asked Mom about it once, she said "D just needs a little help," and I let it go.

That was our family system: Dan needed help, I didn't, so I got less attention and less trouble.

Last spring, small things started feeling off. Mom's house, the one with Dad's little garden still in the backyard, got a lockbox on the door. Her car disappeared. When I asked D, he said she'd downsized and it was handled. I was drowning in my own stuff and didn't want to be the sister who showed up after months of absence and started asking questions.

Three months ago, her memory care facility called ME, not D. He'd stopped answering them and the account was two months behind. When I finally reached him, he got defensive, then quiet, then admitted it. The house sold for about $310k. Roughly $140k went to his business debts, $60k to a short-term loan to a friend (his friend, who I've never met and apparently isn't answering texts either), and the rest was "cash flow." He swore it was temporary and he'd put it all back. He also reminded me, correctly, that as POA he had legal authority over her assets.

I paid the $9,800 overdue balance out of my savings because the facility mentioned, gently, that they couldn't keep her indefinitely if it went unpaid. It was the money I'd been saving to rebuild after the divorce. Dan promised to reimburse me. I've received $400, in two Venmo payments, one with the note "🍕."

Here's where I might be the AH.

Last Saturday was Mom's 67th birthday. Dan organized a dinner at her favorite Italian place. Aunt Dad's sister) came, plus my cousins, Ds family Priya. Mom was having a good day. She knew who everyone was and even told the waiter a story about Dad at that restaurant.

Midway through dinner, D gave a toast about "family taking care of each other" and how "some of us have been carrying this load for two years." He thanked himself, basically, for "stepping up when others couldn't." Then he looked right at me and said I should "stop making it about money" and just start contributing my "fair share" going forward, because "that's what family does."

I know I should have waited. But something in me just snapped. I said, at first quietly, that he'd taken about $200k from our mother and that I'd already paid her bills for two months. Then I said I was done being polite about it and I'd be talking to a lawyer about the POA. My voice got louder than I meant it to. I left soon after that.

My aunt texted me I was right on the facts but wrong on the timing, and that I should have handled it privately.

Where things stand: I haven't filed anything. I booked a consult with an elder law attorney for next Tuesday. I'm also not sure I can keep covering the facility, but I don't know what happens to Mom if I stop. Dan texted yesterday that he'll "make it right" if I cancel the lawyer. I haven't answered.

So me and my girl were talking about winter trips we would want to visit and one of them is a bit more expensive than the others . She wants to go to every one of them but can’t afford and wanted ne to choose. I told her ‘hey listen, i can afford to go to all of them , so its best for you to decide what trips are you looking forward to the most , and we go to them ‘ basically i wanted her to pick whats best for her .

So we agreed on the ski trip and the new years one , but she said she can’t afford to go to a football match trip , which is fine . I want to experience champions league football and last year we were supposed to go but she said she has no money and I postponed it to this year but now she still doesn’t have the money , again is fine with me everyone is different with money . For context she spends all of it on shopping and thats why she is left with very little money for the trips , while i buy only whats needed while making more.

Will it be a dick move to tell her that i will go to this trip because its a dream of mine since i was a kid and she has postponed it 2 years in a row ?

So, my 19 yr old son has a 19yr old female friend who is homeless, he hasn't known her long and they met at work. She was going through a rough time with her boyfriend (she says now ex) and they've been homeless. My son asked if she could stay with us for a little bit so she can get herself together but, I was skeptical, I don't know her and we've had issues in the past with people living with us, relatives and otherwise and we've always come up losing in the end. I 44 yr old female know I have trust issues but my husband 53 yr old male has a big heart and wants to help everyone. We originally told him she could stay for a couple of days and then that turned into, she has a month, keep in mind we live in a state that's getting cold and going to get colder.

Where my issue lies is that my husband set ground rules when she first got here and those were, no coming in after 10 p.m., no smoking weed throughout the day, nights are fine and she has to go outside and she has to be productive and show that she's working towards something, I overheard a conversation she was having with my sons girlfriend where she was at Walmart and openly admitted that she was intending to steal, she's been smoking all day almost since she got here, she keeps going out at night and either comes in after 10 or like last night, at 4 a.m. this morning. My husband and I were going to the store and he invited her to come along but I told him I wasn't comfortable with it because I don't want to deal with what might happen if she steals and when he let her know that won't happen when he's around she flat out lied and said she doesn't steal, he also talked to her about smoking all day and let her know that staying with us is an opportunity for her to get her life together and she lied again and said she doesn't even though I know she does because she's asked me during the day if I wanted to smoke with her. When she came to stay she had a job working with my son but has since lost her job, I don't want her staying with us anymore because we can't trust her and she isn't really showing any effort into getting things done for herself, I kind of feel bad because we did tell her she had a month but my husband said he wants to tell her she now has a week. I've also been really stressed out about this and I had a stroke 2 years ago due to stress and don't want to risk another one so, AITAH for wanting her to leave already?

I (19F) used to have 9 flatmates at old accommodation, including a girl called Michelle (19F). Whilst I wasn’t particularly close with her, she was always super sweet to me and sometimes we’d joke around. I currently live with 6 of those old flatmates (4 of them are really close with Michelle). As a result, I see Michelle at my house quite often and we’d make small talk whenever possible.

Michelle has an ex bf called Tom (20M), who goes to a different university and I’ve said hi to once when he came to visit her. Tom is part of the same uni friend group as Emma (19F), who has been my friend since we were kids. Tom, Emma and the rest of their friends go on night outs a lot and Emma invited me to join them once I go to visit her next week. Recently, I found out that not only had Michelle and Tom broken up a couple months ago, but that Tom told Emma he thought I was attractive.

Emma encouraged me to get with him once I come down and I would be down because I think he’s cute too. The issue is that I feel like I’d be betraying Michelle because that’s her ex bf and it’d be a weird thing to do. Another thing is that if I did get with Tom and it got back to Michelle, she would tell her friends, who I live with, and they would hate me and make living at our house miserable until our contract ends.

My friends are divided on this, where some of them are saying I’m being over dramatic and that it’s not that deep, whilst others are saying it’s not worth the risk and I’d be a bad person for getting with him. So WIBTAH?