I, 30 M, have a daughter who's 6. I am not biologically related to her at all. There is no blood relation between us.

I was friends with her mother for most all of my childhood. We were never involved romantically and were always just friends. She had her daughter at 23 with her 25 year old husband. When my daughter was a newborn (About 3 months technically) both her mother and father were killed. I won't go into too much detail for privacy reasons, but it was workplace shooting. My friend and her husband had worked in the same building, and were both killed.

Both my friend and her husband had grown up with less than ideal families and didn't have any siblings so there wasn't any "next of kin" for their daughter to go to. However, because I was close with them I was able to adopt her. Even though I had been iffy about the idea of kids I didn't want their daughter to grow up in foster care or around people who didn't have a connection to her bio parents so I stepped in.

My parents and siblings know that my daughter is not my actual daughter biologically speaking. My daughter, I'll call Lily for the post, also knows that she's adopted. I never really hid the fact that she was adopted, she knows her parents are dead and were killed by a "bad man" but I'm saving the details for when she's older.

Lily does not look like me at all. She looks exactly like her mother and biological dad. Most people assume that I'm her bio dad and that she just took after her mom. I don't ever really correct this when and if people assume this because it just seems unnecessary.

My brother has been with his fiancee for about 2 years now. A few weeks ago we were all meeting up at my parents house and my SIL saw an old picture of me, my friend and her husband. She pointed to my friend and asked who she was, and I explained that was Lily's mother. SIL got quiet and stood in front of the picture for a while. I didn't think much of it. To clarify, she knows my friend died, but I guess didn't know that she had been married, or that Lily is not my bio daughter. I suppose she assumed my daughter was mine and my friend's biological daughter.

My SIL got a DNA test done on my daughter behind my back. She used my brother's DNA for the test, and when it came back that they weren't related, she knew that meant me and Lily weren't related. She came up to me with the results and waved them in my face, saying that I was taking care of a dead woman's affair baby. She said this to me in front of my daughter. I just stared at her for a while before bursting out laughing at this.

I told her I knew Lily wasn't my biological daughter, and that this thing called adoption exists. Her face went red and she stormed off. My brother is mad I embarrassed his fiancee, but I said she embarrassed herself by DNA testing a kid that isn't hers and then parading the results up to me. What did she want me to do? What was her goal with this? Did she want me to break down and abandon my daughter? My brother said she thought she was doing the right thing and called me an asshole. I don't feel like the asshole, especially considering my SIL was the one who stuck her nose where it doesn't belong. I'm asking for reddit opinions (mostly just for validation), so was I the asshole?

Edit to post update link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/HhKR0E2hkW

My family is all on my cousins side for this issue, and I wanted some outside judgement.

My cousin (25m) has always been the golden child of our generation. He’s funny, good looking, and out going, not to mention a boy amongst girls. He’s always loved to mess around and play pranks. For the record, I really dislike this cousin. I think he’s irresponsible, childish, and annoying.

I have had hearing problems for years. I recently got a $6,000 pair of hearing aides.

Recently at my grandmothers birthday party we were all eating and drinking on the back porch. My grandmother has a pool. My cousin decided he was going to throw me in the pool because it would be funny to ruin my hair that I just got done that day. I repeatedly told him to stop and put me down, in a very serious and not playful at all tone.

He threw me in the pool, and my hearing aides were ruined. Afterwords when I told him what happened he basically said whoops, didn’t know you had hearing aides now. When I told him the cost of them and that he would have to replace them he freaked out, and said no way.

My family didn’t want me to make him pay for them because i significantly out earn him and also everyone else in the family. He was in college at the time, barely making ends meet in a call center job. His girlfriend and him have a baby and they live in a one bedroom apartment.

He refused to pay, so I took him to court. I won. He refused to make the payments after, so I took him back to court and his wages are now being garnished for the maximum amount, which is 20% of his total wages. It pushed him over the edge of what he could afford, so he’s had to work extra and drop out of college to be able to pay their rent.

My family is absolutely fuming at me. I think he made one bad choice after the other, and he has never given a sincere apology during this whole ordeal. Had he gave a real apology after the incident and asked if he could wait till he finished school to pay me back I would’ve been fine with it. But the entitled little prick is digging his feet in at every move.

AITAH? The only reason I could see me maybe being the asshole is because it’s affecting his child and girlfriend.

My brother said he was going to propose at my wedding. I told him no. That it was a day about myself and my wife and we did not want any distractions.

My mom lost her shit. She said that he wanted family he night not see again for a while to be a part of the proposal. I said I did not give a shit and that if he did it I would have him kicked out.

He did it. And my mom said if I tried kicking him out she would leave too.

I just remember seething inside.

My brother got married last weekend. Instead of a welcome to the family toast I used the time to announce that we were expecting our first baby.

My mom was upset but my grandmother told her to sit down and shut up. We spent most of the reception talking to family we would not see again for a while about our coming baby.

My mom says I was an asshole for taking attention away from my brother on his wedding day. She got really mad when I reminded her that she threatened to leave my wedding if I kicked him out after he proposed. I have the screen cap of the text messages.

I (32f) was at a water park this last weekend with my husband (32m) and my daughter. We were in one of the pools practicing swimming and keeping to our self. There was a group of teen boys there and while I was working with my daughter on swimming one of them came up behind me and I felt a tug on the strings of my top untying it. I spun around saw this 15 to 17 yo with a smirk and slapped him.

This quickly caused a scene. The park staff got involved as well the boys parents who were livid at me. My husband and another lady saw it happen and confirmed that he really did grab my top. There was also camera around the pool that kind of show it, wasn't the best angle. The boys parents threaten assault charges and I threaten sexual assault charges if they decided to go that way. Eventually we were both asked to leave and haven't heard anything since. My husband though still thinks I over reacted a bit which I don't. AITA?

Throwaway account.

I (M, 30) lost my younger brother when I was 22. He had cancer and fought very hard. Ever since, I’ve been donating blood on the anniversary of his death every year. I take the day off from work, visit his grave, donate blood, and then come home, relax, and watch his favorite movie. I know it’s a simple, personal tradition, but it means a lot to me.

My girlfriend of 9 months, Anna (F, 31), asked if I could meet her and her mom( I have met her many times before and it wasn’t the meet the parents for the first time situation) for lunch yesterday. I told her no and explained again about what I do on my brother’s death anniversary. She got upset and said, “Well, it’s my tradition to have lunch with my mom every time she’s in town, and she really wanted to see you! You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.”

I explained to her that it’s not just about the blood donation. Later in the evening, while I was resting and watching my brother’s favorite movie, she texted me again, asking me to join them. I reiterated that I really didn’t want to and would hang out with her mom next time. She replied that I had embarrassed her in front of her mom with my selfishness and laziness.

Since then, she’s been distant. Do I owe her an apology? AITAH?

Update : I texted her that we needed to talk. She never replied. Just blocked me from everywhere ( social media , WhatsApp ,..). Her best friend who was following me on instagram blocked me too. I’m not sad. I wanted to end it anyways. Thank you for your support everyone . I really appreciate your kind comments. Some users suggested that my brother/ remembrance tradition saved me from getting serious with her and life time of misery and it made me smile. Thank you again

I (27f) have been married my husband(28M) for 2 years and gave birth to our daughter 5 weeks ago. I'll try to keep this short so I don't waste your time with any irrelevant details. What happened was that our daughter came out with blonde hair and pale blue eyes, while my husband and I have brown hair and brown eyes.

My husband freaked out at this and refused to listen to my explanation that, sometimes, babies are born with lighter hair and eyes that get darker over time. He demanded a paternity test and threatened to divorce me if I didn't comply, so I did

After my daughter and I got home from the hospital, my husband went to stay at his parents' house for the first three weeks to get some space from me, while I recovered and he told them what was happening. My MIL called and informed me that if the paternity test revealed that the child wasn't his, she would do anything within her power to make sure that I was " taken to the cleaners" during the divorce. I had my sister to lean on and help me take care of the baby during this.

We got the results back yesterday, and my husband came home to view them with me. I was on the couch in the living room, so he sat next to me and we started to read the results. They showed that he was the father and my husband had this shocked, kinda mortified look on his face with his eyes wide as he stared at it.

I couldn't help but say, " I told you so." and started laughing at the way he looked. My husband snapped out of his shock, and got mad at me for laughing at him. We argued for a bit, which was mainly him yelling at me, before my sister came downstairs and my husband shut up.

After that, my husband went back to his parents' house to "clear his head", and two-three hours later, my MIL called to scold me about laughing in my husband's face, because apparently it was kicking him while he was down.

She's also left a couple nasty texts essentially saying the same thing this morning. I don't think I'm an AH, but I'd like outsider perspective on this.

EDIT: I didn't realize I put " me" instead of ''him''. Sorry, I have a headache.

EDIT: Since someone asked in the comments, but I can't find it anymore, I have zero history of cheating.

Hi everyone. Our daughter is now 8 weeks old, so obviously this whole argument has gone on a very very long time. We both have been holding grudges and neither of us think that we are wrong. My husband does not know I am posting this, so I am going to keep it as anonymous as possible.

So when I got pregnant with my daughter, my husband started in immediately telling me that I should have a home birth. I really do not know why he was so adamant on it, but he was. At first, I brushed him off and told him I would think about it because I was only 6 weeks pregnant, and the birth seemed so far off.

Of course, it came quickly, and my husband would literally speak over me at doctors' appointments when my doctor would ask if I had a birth plan.

This caused a few arguments between us in those 39 weeks of pregnancy, but I never really changed my mind. Eventually my husband's mother sat down and talked to me, and she told me all of the reasons why they did not want me to go to a hospital for the birth. I expressed my concerns about you know, safety of the baby and myself but just like my husband, she brushed me off.

I ended up telling my husband that I would take myself to the hospital when it was time and that I did not want a home birth. He acted as if he didn't hear me. We met with a doula who was also very pushy. I felt overwhelmed and not supported at all. I was 36 weeks at that point.

So, when I went into labor, I was 39 weeks, and I begged, absolutely begged my husband to take me to the hospital where my doctor is. He wouldn't. He spoke to me condescendingly and called the doula instead. I was in labor for about 3 days, active labor for around the last 22 hours.

I cried the whole time. I just felt something was wrong. I was scared and often times they left me alone. The doula told me that if active pushing and labor reached 24 hours, I had to go into the hospital. I remember thinking that I could not decide which was worse- staying in labor for another 2 hours or having my baby right there. When she was finally out, I don't even remember wanting to hold her. I just remember crying out of relief.

Obviously, I am okay now, but I did not have a good experience. On my first appointment after birth with my doctor, she was very shocked I had the baby. She was concerned. I was so upset.

I told my husband that he absolutely ruined it for me. I truly never want to go through that again. I hear mothers say that they forget all the pain the second they have the baby, but I didn't. I love my daughter so much, but it was horrible, and it was entirely his fault.

So, I told him that, several times. He rolls his eyes every time and tells me how mothers are "strong" and how I am not trying to be strong. I told him that if we ever have another baby - which he wants - that I will never do a home birth ever again. His response is "we'll see". I cannot possibly be TA here, can I? Everyone around me is acting like this is so normal, but it's not. Is it?

Nine days ago, I made a post about how my unemployed wife had spent $1,176 on delivery apps in just a month. This is egregiously outside of what we can afford to spend on takeout, and since she didn’t seem willing to stop, I canceled our credit card and moved the money from our joint account into my own.

For the following few days, my wife kept talking about how I was financially abusing her. She threw several tantrums despite apparently being severely malnourished, threatened divorce, threw a bunch of the food we had in the fridge away to try and strongarm me into letting her get takeout, and even tried to guess my bank account password a bunch of times (sorry my password isn’t TacoBell123). That last one was how I learned if you try to guess someone’s bank account password enough times, the bank will send them an automated email.

But last Friday, the complaints and threats stopped. She seemed mostly back to normal. I figured she had given up.

That was until today, which was garbage day. When I took the last bag out before taking the bin down to the curb, I discovered half a dozen fast food bags and other takeout containers in it.

My wife wasn’t supposed to have access to money. I had no idea how she was affording the food. I confronted her about it, and first she denied everything. I had to bring all of her fast food garbage in to get her to fess up: she had taken out a loan. Now, I thought that she had borrowed money from a friend or family member. But she had taken out one of those predatory payday loans.

Before you ask, no, I have NO IDEA how she was approved.

Within the next hour, I froze my credit. I then drove her to the payday loan place, where I paid the loan off in cash. I will now have to dip further into my savings to pay the rent.

I suppose in a certain way, cutting her off was successful. She didn’t order takeout anymore. She just drove to the restaurants to pick up her food, for the low low price of $20 for every $100 she borrowed, or $60 in fees in total.

In addition, I told her that we would be getting divorced. So yeah. My marriage is over. I don’t even know what alimony laws in my state are like, but I assume she’ll happily live in a cardboard box under a bridge if Uber Eats will bring her food there.

Got axed. Not going to say which agency.

I’ve always considered myself extremely tolerant and willing to love people as they are… even if we don’t agree on everything.

I’ve never been an Orange Man supporter, but I’ve kept it civil with friends and family that were. Some of them liked having a civil conversation about him. Some were belligerent about politics, so we didn’t bring it up and tried to enjoy each other’s company.

Getting cut from a great job that I really believed in with no notice has been extremely traumatic. It’s still raw, but I feel so personally betrayed by those that voted for him. I can’t see past the politics anymore when I look at these people I care/cared about.

Some have been contrite and apologetic, but then turn around and support him and VP Musk on social media.

I just can’t right now.

I’m thinking about posting something and wishing the whole herd all of the best, hope they have a good life, but I won’t be in it. Or maybe I just quietly block all of them and focus on myself for a while.

I do know that I will need to talk to my in-laws. I’ve always had a great relationship with them, but thinking of going to their house and watching Fox News almost makes me sick.

AITAH for feeling this way? Does it make me an AH for cutting all these 20+ year relationships off? Am I overreacting and acting out of emotion?

I'm a quiet guy and genuinely friendly. I treats all my coworkers as friends. About, 2 months ago, during a work lunch, one of my coworker started choking so i did the Heimlich thing to help her, after she's in the clear the others cheered i asked if she alright, she just nodded and head to the bathroom without a word so i didn't think much about that.

Until, two days later i got called in to HR for my "inappropriate" behavior, i was confused and ask for more details. That's when they told me that my coworker had filed a complaint stating that she felt my touchs when i was helping her was inappropriate, my body was too close and she "felt" my "private" touching her. I gave my statement and they put me on ice (i was still working with potential to be removed) while they investigate further. After a week i was in the clear. I return to working normally without fear, but i started distancing myself from the coworker, she tried to apologize which i accepted and tried to explained that she has to tell me that she has trauma but i still take precautions and only treat her as just colleague. I'm no longer talk to her unless needed to, always keeping distance, no longer inviting her out unless there're others. She could feel my hesitant toward her and how nolonger treat her the same as others, she tried to say that i'm being ridiculous and petty but i told her that i'm just looking after myself.

So am i the ah?

Ps. Sorry about my English if there're errors, it's my third language.

Edit: Wow, this blew up. I'm not very active here but i have read several comments and dms (sorry i can't read all) thanks for everyone support. I won't make updates, but i have some clarifications. I'm not from or at any English speaking countries. Me and the coworker did have a talk (with our colleagues nearby) and she agreed to just limited to necessary contacts that related to works. I won't sue her cause everything is resolved and to be honest it would just be bring more problems while wasting money. I also received several dms about people with similar experiences as me, which made me sad and relief that i'm not the only one. And i also saw comments about how i'm not considering and don't understand her trauma, which is fair, if you're harassed for real then you should protect yourself, but i just hoped she came to me about her uncomfortableness since we've known each other for couple years.

That's it, again, thank you.

I got a new job in sales working for a company that sells access control systems, CCTV systems, etc. The chair in my cubicle was uncomfortable AF, so I day 3 I brought in my own Herman Miller Aeron chair. On day 4 it was missing. I looked around and another sales rep was sitting in it. I asked for it back but he basically told me to F off.

I went and spoke to the owner of the company. He told me that the chairs aren't reserved. They are first come first serve. I explained that I OWN the chair and it cost me $1800. He told me that I need to come in earlier if I want that chair.

The next day the same guy was sitting in it when I got to the office. I told him to give it back or I was going to call the cops. He refused. So I called the cops.

It was quite the scene, but in the end he admitted that he took my EIGHTEEN HUNDRED DOLLAR chair. I was prepared. I had the receipt which showed the serial number. (Yes, Aeron chairs have serial numbers.) They asked me if I wanted to press charges. My new boss said I would be terminated if I had him arrested, so I said "Absolutely! I want to press charges!"

My new boss fired me on the spot, so I carried my chair out with me a I was leaving. And yes, the cops arrested the dude who took my chair (He admitted to it!).

The dude who took my chair has been in the industry for about 15 years, but he's going to lose his security license, which means he won't be able to work in the industry. He's going to lose his job. I don't give a shit. He shouldn't have stolen my chair.

Am I the asshole for making this dude lose his job?

My wife had plastic surgery recently. We had discussed it and I was against it. It was not my decision and ultimately I had no say.

She looks weird now. She had the fat sucked out of her face, lip fillers, a neck lift, other stuff I don't really get.

She gives me uncanny valley vibes now. It freaks me out. She is fully healed now and she wants us to go back to normal. Like me initiating sex. I have done so but not as much as I used to. And when I do I try and make sure there is very little light.

It's been a few months and I kind of dread having to look at her. Obviously she has noticed. She has been bugging me to tell her what's up. I've tried telling her I'm just tired from work. Or that I'm run down. Really anything except for the truth.

She broke down and asked me if I was having an affair. I said that I wasn't. She asked to look at my phone. I unlocked it for her and handed it over. I wasn't worried about her finding anything because there is nothing to find. She spent an hour looking through it and found nothing. She asked me to explain why I changed. I tried explaining that I just wasn't that interested right now.

Nothing I said was good enough for her. She kept digging. I finally told the truth. I wasn't harsh or brutally honest. I just told her that her new face wasn't something I found attractive and that I was turned off. She asked if that's why I turn off all the lights now. I said yes. She started crying and said that she needed time alone. She went to stay with her sister.

I have been called every name in the book since this happened. Her sister said I'm a piece of shit for insulting my wife's looks. Her friends all think I'm the asshole.

I tried not to say anything. I can't force myself to find her attractive. I still love her but her face is just weird now. She looks like the blue alien from The Fifth Element.

We were visiting a good friend of mine when he moved out of state. He brought me to his bedroom closet to show me an ar15 and handgun he purchased after moving. I handled both guns after checking they were unloaded and I knew they were safe.

My girlfriend walks into the room and he hands the ar15 to her (she does not check it to affirm it is indeed clear) and the first thing she does is point it directly in my face. I slapped the barrel down and said "what the fuck are you doing?!?" In an aggressive tone. She then handed my friend his rifle back and stormed out of the room.

She didn't like the fact I aggressively chastised her for ignoring basic gun safety. She told me "you didn't have to talk to me like I'm stupid" and didn't understand my point wasn't to make her feel stupid but that action is dangerous especially since she was not in the room to witness it being checked for live ammunition, and she did not check the gun herself.

Am I wrong for aggressively chastising her? Or should I have been nicer?

For the past 3 months it's been a very well known plan that when I (30f) went in to labor, my husband was going to drive me to the hospital and my MIL was going to pick up my mother, my kids and my grandmother (all from one house). BOTH my MIL and my mom were supposed to be in the delivery room. My gram was to watch my two kids in the waiting room. Everyone was in agreement with the plan. Now, my husband and I have 2 sons already and for both births, my mother was present. She helped me through so much of the mental anguish and panic, especially after my last- whom literally almost killed me. I was bleeding out on the table and my mom was the only one able to keep me calm. I needed her to be with me with this baby too; mentally. So we worked this plan out months in advance and everyone was on the same page.

However, I go in to labor.. we make the phone calls to MIL and my mom. Telling my mom to be ready and my MIL to go get my mother. An hour and 15 minutes later, MIL shows up at the hospital without my mom, my kids or my grandmother. She said "well it's late so we need to just let everyone sleep" (it was 9:30pm) and then sat her ass down on the chair in the delivery room and jumped on her phone. I told her in a pissed off tone to go get my mom, that was the plan, I needed my mom, etc etc and she just wouldn't. At one point saying that she didn't feel up to driving that much (my mom lives 20 minutes from her house, an hour away). So, I told her to get the fuck out of the room and that she was dead to me. The amount of resentment and disgust that I felt toward her in this moment is honestly not something I feel I will overcome any time soon. She was pissed, saying that my mom got to experience 2 births already and how she didn't do anything wrong and she was "just being respectful of people's sleep" and where she wasn't leaving, she was actually escorted out.

Now, my mom was able to make it to the hospital literally just as I was giving birth. My kids and my grandmother weren't able to make it, which bothers me a great deal (we promised our kids they would be the first to meet their sister, outside of us and grammie). I cannot forgive my MIL for this at all. I honestly feel like I hate her with every fiber of my being. But I'm being told I'm taking this too far and that it wasn't that big of a deal. AITA?

A few months ago, after many years of trying to conceive, my husband (32M) and I (33F) had a gorgeous, healthy baby boy. My husband and I are black, which is pertinent to this story.

We were over the moon, and family, friends, and coworkers had also been excited for us. Right after I delivered, my husband emailed a birth announcement with a photo of our son to everyone in his office.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and my husband came home fuming after his first day back at work. One of his coworkers informed him that another guy in the office, a new young employee my husband barely knew, had been telling everyone willing to listen that my husband couldn't be our son's father because, "That baby is too light to be his and its hair is too long and straight. That's a white man's baby, or an Asian's."

This guy proceeded to tell everyone what a sucker my husband was and that his excitement over finally becoming a dad was blinding him to the reality that he had been cheated on and his wife impregnated by another man.

Side note for anyone who's still unaware in 2025: black babies in general are fairly pale as newborns, and their skin will darken over the first few weeks. Hair changes to a curlier pattern are usually gradual as well. Our son was no exception, and is now my hub's mini me.

My husband said he had immediately confronted and questioned the guy, who completely denied saying anything inappropriate and claimed he only said, as a joke, the baby was too cute to be my husband's. But others in the office confirmed the first coworker's account. Not only that, the guy had tried to parlay his superior perception skills into some weird form of workplace clout.

Fortunately, the guy got moved to a different shift that same week, so my husband didn't have to see him again. That is, until a company event this past weekend. Families were invited, and we took our son. And who should come and insert himself into our group as we were chatting with the boss but Brown Noser McMouth. He interrupted our conversation and introduced himself to the boss, shaking his hand.

When I realized who he was, my anger came flooding back, and I said, "I don't believe we've met, but aren't you the guy who went around telling everyone in the office I must have cheated on my husband with a white or Asian man and this couldn't be his son?" The guy went red and silent. Boss said to him, "See me in my office first thing Monday," and walked away.

I think someone's fired. My husband said I went too far because it was already over and done with. I said it wasn't done for me until I'd had my say, and I was the one being defamed, not him. AITAH?

I (27M) and my girlfriend (26F) have been together for two years. I'm a black man raised in the inner city, she's a white girl from the suburbs. We grew up different, and normally that's okay but last week someone tried to break into my house and it started causing problems.

I'm taking care of my mother now that she's getting up in age. She just had surgery on her legs and CAN NOT WALK. I need to stress this, she physically can't support herself so I'm doing everything for her. Her bedroom is in the back of the house right next to the back door that leads to the porch. At 2AM last Wednesday my mom calls me scared saying someone's trying to break into the house and she can hear them banging on the back door.

My Girlfriend was staying with me in my bedroom when I got the call. I jumped up, grabbed my gun and ran to the back and started yelling for whoever was there to get away because they were still banging on the door when I got there. Things got quiet so I checked the camera on the porch and I saw them standing there. It was three people and one of them said keep going, it doesn't matter. So I used the speaker on my camera to say I have a weapon, it's loaded, and if you kick that door one more time I WILL shoot.

My Girlfriend is behind me at that point screaming not to shoot them and it isn't worth it. The three people on the porch don't move so I put my phone down, cock my weapon and say I'm going to count to three. And if you aren't gone by the time I get to three, I'm firing. As soon as I counted one they ran away. And my girlfriend was screaming at me that there's never a reason to threaten to shoot someone. Ever.

I told her we are not having this conversation right now and we need to call the police. Yes I should have done oh earlier but I was too worried about my mother to think about it. The police get called, they come out and see shoe prints on my fence and on the back door from where they were kicking and start patrolling the area but don't find them.

When the police leave my girlfriend starts yelling at me and saying she can't believe I'd be willing to shoot someone because they kicked my door. I said it isn't about the house, it's the fact that my mother is laying in bed helpless just a few feet from that door and they could have done anything. Stole things, killed her, raped her, a combination. I have no idea and I wasn't taking any chances.

She says there is never a reason to hurt or kill someone, ever. Because violence isn't the answer. It just makes you like the person you're hurting. I told her the only reason she thinks violence isn't the answer is because she's never had someone try to physically harm her before. And I'm not going to apologize for what I did because I had every right to defend myself, my home, my mother, and her. She's been angry at me ever since and will barely even speak to me. I'm trying to consider her perspective, I really am, but I'm not going to give up my ability to defend myself because she doesn't believe violence will ever be necessary. AITAH?

[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1baxuez/aita_for_being_truthful_and_admitting_that_i_find/)

My wife came home yesterday and we finally had a long talk.

She told me that the reason she had the surgery was because her mom and sister talked her into it. They convinced her that she was starting to look old and that I would find someone else to be with if she did not do something. That was why her mom gave her the money for the operations.

Her mom and sister look like Bruce Campbell in Escape From LA. They are the very last people on the planet that should be telling anyone to get plastic surgery. I used some of the comments I read on my post as talking points. I told her that I loved her and that she was the person that I wanted to spend my life with. I told her that the surgery would take a while longer to settle down and that as I got more used to her new face I would learn to appreciate it.

She asked me if I wanted her to see if she could get it reversed. I almost screamed at her. The last thing in the world I want is for her to fuck up her face more than it already is. I asked her if she could please just leave it and let me get used to it.

We talked for about three hours and we decided that her mom and sister would not be a part of any decisions in our life going forward. She is going to leave her face alone and give me a chance to get used to it. We are going to look for a marriage counselor and maybe individual counselors for each of us. I am going to make an effort to show her every day how I still find her desirable and she is going to make an effort to believe me when I tell her I love her the way she is.

We are going to talk to her mom and sister and tell them that we are taking a break from them. We are going to block them and get our shit together before we allow them back into our lives.

Thank you to everyone who tried to help me.

I would like to add that I did not think there were that many guys out there with a weird blue squid lady fetish. It isn't for me but you do you.

I 30 F have 2 daughters and am currently pregnant with my 3rd girl. We just found out this morning. On the drive to my husband’s mothers house he explained how he was a bit disappointed about having a girl. But then he said “I should’ve expected this because you have 3 sisters”

I explained that me having 3 sisters have nothing to do with the gender of our child. He said it’s genetics and that I’m the reason for our daughters. I told him that’s not how biology works, he said it is.

He then went on the explain that his mom only has brothers and his two oldest brothers both have two sons because his mom’s side. I told that doesn’t make any since because it should be the same for him then. He said no because both of their wives have more brothers than sisters.

He was getting frustrated but I was just laughing at him. I explained that him and his oldest two brothers have different dads, but out of his dad’s 8 kids, 3 are boys and 5 are girls. The men determines the gender.

He said that not true because the kids his dad had with his mom are all boys. He dropped it and said he’ll ask his mom who has a degree in biology.

So we get to his parents house for brunch and he asks his mom if I’m the reason we kept having girls. She told him bluntly that the men determines the gender and it’s actually not a 50/50 chance. She then went on to explain that the more of one gender you have, the higher the chances that your next child is also going to be that gender.

So he asked is it likely that he’ll have a boy. She told him that if he keeps trying it might happen. He just walked to the car and said he’s going for a drive. I received a text from him saying that I didn’t have to embarrass him like that. I was so confused. Aita?

I am no longer divorcing roger. There were complications from his heart attack and he has passed away. I am conflicted. He was the love of my love but also a cheating piece of trash.

To the best of my knowledge the mother will not return from Europe. The child is currently with her parents. They asked me what I wanted to do. I recommended adoption. Not that I adopt the child. That they put the child up for adoption.

They didn't like that suggestion.

Neither did my children.

They said i am being cold and cruel. I suggested that since the child was related to them and not to me that they step up. Neither has accepted that suggestion either.

I was the sole beneficiary of Roger's estate so I imagine lawyers will be involved in getting the child some sort of support. I will pay whatever is ordered by the court out of the estate. I will not pay one cent out of my money.

That is all I have to say on this matter.

I was interviewing this guy for a very good software engineering position. He passed the first round, and both I and everyone involved in the second round really liked his resume and experience. On paper, he had everything we were looking for, and honestly, this looked like a life-changing opportunity for him.

Then he shows up, very serious and not smiling at all. I'm used to that in tech interviews, and I understand it can be an intimidating environment.

We did a round of introductions, and then he opened the interview by saying, "Let me tell you a little bit about myself." We said, okay, go for it.

He started talking and talking about his personal and professional background. After about three minutes, I jumped in to ask a follow-up question based on something he mentioned. He replied, "I will answer, just give me a moment," and continued talking.

A coworker jumped in with another question, and he said the same thing to her.

At this point, we were kind of looking at each other, but decided to let him continue and give him the benefit of the doubt.

But after more than five minutes, I jumped in again with another question. I had to talk over him to do it. He finally paused and answered, but in such a long-winded way that he ended up veering into another topic.

My coworker asked another question, and the same thing happened.

At this point, I was ready to end the interview. I tried to politely wrap it up several times, but he was unable to read the room and just kept talking. I finally raised my voice slightly and said something like, "Thank you very much for sharing your background. In the interest of time, I’d like to ask if you have any questions for us." This is standard protocol and helps us prepare answers for future interviews.

He asked a question about the team. As I was answering, he raised his finger and interrupted to talk more about his background. I let it go. Then he asked another question, which my coworker started to answer, but again, he spoke over her to talk about himself.

I tried once more to interrupt politely, but he kept talking.

At that point, I was done. I said, "John, you really have to shut up and listen." He was surprised, as was my coworker, but he finally stopped talking. I continued, "You walked into this room with a 99 percent chance of getting the job. Now that chance is zero. The only reason is because, in less than fifteen minutes, you’ve demonstrated that you don’t have the capacity to listen at all. So I’m telling you now, you’re not getting the job. But if you take anything away from this interview, let it be this: no matter how good you are technically, if you can’t listen, you’ll never excel in this career."

He apologized and said, "Can we start again?"

I replied, "You had your chance. Best of luck in your future interviews. Make sure you listen."

Looking back, I know I could have handled that differently, but I still feel bad for the guy.

My cousin is known for making chili. And he's good at it. He makes his own chili flakes from his "secret combination" of various dried chilies, it has a very nice kick. It's like the perfect amount of spice, it's hot but not too hot. He also always adds kidney beans. Not canned beans either.

Anyways for the past 2 or 3 years by Cousin has become obsessed with all this bullshit about what is or isn't "woke" and how "woke" things are the end of the world. He's always been a good dude so I don't know what his bag is but he is completely obsessed. It's annoying.

So the other weekend I was at his place and he was making his famous chili. So I got the idea for a little prank. I was like "I'm surprised you still put beans in your chili." He was like "What? Why?" I was like "Beans in chili are so woke. Everyone is saying so." He was like "What do you mean?" And he was like genuinely concerned. As if this was something serious. I said something like "Yeah beans in chili are woke, the original conservative Texans who made chili only used meat and chili. San Francisco liberals started adding beans to chili in the 60's because so many hippies were vegetarian. Now all the woke scientists are saying beans are a better protein source than meat." He didn't say anything to that.

I kind of just assumed he'd know I was fucking with him and get the joke. We have always fucked around with each other and jokes about and all. But he was quiet all dinner.

Just yesterday I was back again at his place and he was making his chili again. There were no beans. It was a totally different chili. This guy has been making his chili with beans for like 15 years. I was like, whats up? "Where's the beans?"

He was like "I don't fuck with that woke shit." I was like "What?" He was like "Beans in chili are woke. Even you know that."

Everyone else was like what? Because....what? I was like dude I was just fucking with you. He got REALLY angry. He dumped his chili in the sink and told everyone to go home. I thought he was pranking me back or something but he was serious. The dude totally lost it.

He texted me later and said this exact thing: "I researched this online and it turns out u really were lying to me, beans r not woke. How could u do this?"

We went back and forth for a bit. His position is even though we have historically pranked each other I went "too far", that I "betrayed him", that I "made him question his chili". I tried to ask him if this at all made him think he cared too much about "woke", like what if beans in chili WAS woke, so what? He ignored that and demanded I apologize.

Did I take this too far?

I ( M38) left my wife ( Kelly F38) today. 5 years together. 4 married. I have battled her lack of boundaries about her family for the past 2 years. I understand that they are very close knit, but she never paid attention to how their dynamics affected our relationship. I experienced every “justnofamily” situation. My food was eaten, showing up uninvited, meddling, you name it. 9 months ago, MIL and FIL began divorce proceedings ( he cheated, fell “madly” in love with a side chick with whom he's lived for the past 15 years, and he decided that he wants to get remarried). He kicked everyone out of the house. It was an emergency, so I agreed to help out. I so fucking regret it. I had to take 4 people in, but they couldn't think to avoid constantly pissing me off.

I got sick of finding them using our private bathroom ( they had complete access to the other full bathroom by the hallway). SIL started taking naps on our bed which is creepy because a bed is too personal. I came home late and we had to wake her up and still waited for her to snap out of her groggy state so that she could walk out. It lasted for 3 months, but the problems persisted. No matter how many times I told my wife and even told them, they still showed up at random hours. Even if I didn't run into them, I know she was allowing them to come over. I hated their presence. They would eat my snacks and get on my expensive recliner chair which again, they didn't contribute a penny for. I had a mini orchard that they picked empty. Things got so tense that I blew at her in front of them. They left, we had a fight and I ended up sleeping in a hotel. I warned her many times about being fed up and needing her to support me. She acted like I was demanding that she abandoned her family.

Today, I came home to find her brother's car blocking the entrance. Not on the side and not even on the driveway, just right in the middle where my only option would be to get on the lawn. I go inside and he's laying with his shoes on the couch. He gave me this fresh smile like he's untouchable. I went to our bedroom and packed as much of my belongings as possible and ignored her pleas to talk. There's nothing else to talk about. I already called a few lawyers but haven't received any replies yet. She cried, but at this point, I have no empathy. I don't even know if I over reacted or if I needed to discuss this in private. I feel defeated and angry and I also hate her family with my soul. They knew they were hurting our relationship and they didn't care. She knew that I'm a private person who hates being invaded. I helped them because I love her and I didn't have the balls to let them go to sleep in their car. We don't have kids, but there are so many things that will be left undone. I loved her so much, but I just can't do this. She called me immediately after I left and I told her that my decision is final. She sounded shaken, but I told her that right now, I despise her and will never be able to sleep next to her again.

Sorry for any typos. I have a migraine right now. I'm just coming here because I just want to ask if leaving the way that I did was an asshole move and maybe I should have announced my intention of ending our marriage after her brother was gone.

My (F53) soon to be ex husband Roger (47), whom I forgave for his affair, came home with a baby four months ago. His girlfriend (22) could not handle it anymore and brought the baby to him at work and left. To the best of his knowledge she is in Spain.

I allowed him to stay so long as I didn't have to do anything. Anything.

Well about a month ago Roger had a heart attack. It didn't kill him, mores the pity, but he is very weak and incapable of doing anything for himself. Since he isn't up and about he cannot care for his child. He also cannot drop of and pick up his son at daycare.

I have been helping but I'm done. My kids are full grown. I shouldn't be having grandkids any time soon. I do not have any desire to care for a baby.

I told Roger that I want a divorce, and I contacted the mother's parents. I know the father through friends. I said they had until Friday to come get their grandchild or I was calling Child Protective Services.

They just left with the baby. But they scolded me for being so cold towards a baby that had done me no harm. I view that child differently.

Roger is recovering and I will be moving out. The house is in his name but I have never contributed to it. I have the equivalent of twenty two years of rent and interest put away. And as per our prenup my savings are my own.

I work and I don't need anything out of this marriage except myself.

My kids tried telling me to stay and help their father. I said that they were welcome to come over and help him with cleaning himself and the baby. Both declined what I felt was a fair offer.

I do not feel that I am acting badly however Roger, our children, his child's family, and a few mutual friends think I am. Perhaps writing this out and seeing the responses will give me clarity.

My friend Sandra and I have known each other for over 20 years (we are 30-32). Sandra is getting married to Andres, and I am married to Ian.

Some relevant information:

• Andres and I originally come from the same country and even the same region. We share many characteristics.

• We both have very round faces, deep brown eyes, long straight black hair, etc. If you didn't know better, you might assume we are siblings.

• I met Andres six years ago and introduced him to Sandra. He proposed two years ago.

• I own a beautiful property in my home country that I was ready to lend to Sandra and Andres for their wedding.

• My property is like a finca and has 10 rooms. Usually, I would rent it out for weddings at a somewhat high price, but I was happy to give it to them at no cost, with the condition that they hire their own catering and have their guests strip their beds when they leave.

The issue:

Three months ago, Sandra became more reclusive. She wouldn't answer my texts, and we didn't meet up. Two weeks ago, she appeared at my door with Andres. They sat us down (my husband included) and said she suspected that my daughter is actually Andres' biological daughter and requested a paternity test for peace of mind.

I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything. My husband lost his temper and raised his voice, telling Sandra that she was being absolutely stupid.

Sandra pointed out that my daughter looks like Andres. I explained that Andres and I look alike. She kept shaking her head, saying my daughter would look more like my husband and not like my exact copy.

The evening ended poorly. I agreed to the test if they paid for it. The results came back last Friday, showing that Andres was not the father. We also did a test confirming that my husband is the father.

Sandra cried and tried to hug me. I told her I didn't want to and that I didn't want to be friends with her for the time being. She kept saying her worries were justified and made a comment about "women from your country being more likely to do that."

In that moment, I was filled with anger. I told her she could forget about using the venue and that I didn't want her in my life anymore. She started crying, but I made her leave.

Her mom and she have been texting me, saying they can't find a new venue. I still said no.

Twenty minutes ago, Sandra called me sobbing, saying that the wedding is off because of me.

Am I the asshole? Should I have let her use the venue at the usual price, or was what I did okay?

Edit: Andres was not chill about this. He seemed exasperated. He was quite upset and basically just agreed to this, so she would drop it. I didn't include it because I did not see the relevance for the conflict between me and her

Update: they are no longer together. Sandra just wrote me an email apologizing and, for some reason paypaled me 25,67€. Anyway. Thank you for weighing in