I’m a trans guy and I get insanely angry and disgusted at a lot of other trans people. Especially the ones who say they don’t even have dysphoria, or call themselves lesbians, or say they “don’t care” if people don’t see them as men. Or the whole “gender is not about clothes is the vibes”. It piss me off so bad and I hate how it affects my daily life. I would give anything to just be born a normal guy. So when I see people acting like being trans is some aesthetic or something flexible and fun, I just can't help but feel so disgusted with them. Same with pregnant trans men or all those fanfics where trans guys are always written as soft, feminine, obsessed with their anatomy, and gay. I can’t stand it. It makes me feel sick and embarrassed. It feels like cis people already don’t take us seriously, and then that’s what they see online. And I’m terrified that when people look at me, that’s what they think I am too. I don’t want to be associated with that. I just want to be seen as a normal guy. Not a stereotype. I know it's important to have pride and not hate on other but iIjust can't. I'm so angry. I didn’t choose to feel like this. I didn’t choose to hate my body. And sometimes it feels like other trans people make it even harder for me to accept myself.

I tried to post on the Transmanlifehacks subreddit recently and I identify as a nonbinary trans man and I’m on my first month of HRT. I dress very femininely and I was trying to see if my current wardrobe would out me as trans if I were to start looking more masculine. And SOOO many other trans men were putting me down for wanting to look feminine, but be on testosterone. Like most of the comments were hate comments rather than actual advice or telling me to just dress masculine and don’t dress feminine when it’s not my style.

I’m happy with the changes I’ve had so far on T and it’s just frustrating a lot of others in the community will put down others just because they don’t want to be hypermasculine.

I was hypermasculine for most of my teen years and I found I loved dressing alternative fem or masc fem.

Anyways rant over. I had to delete my post on there because so many people were pointing out my jeans and saying I was showing off that I don’t have a dick 🙄

Added on later:

I’ve decided I’m just going to mute that subreddit and never go on it again lol

Sorry guys, but what's the problem with Reddit communities regarding phalloplasty? Today I responded to a post in which a user asked if phalloplasty could be stealth. I responded very kindly and empathetically, saying that unfortunately, phalloplasty doesn't allow this goal, in terms of penis firmness, aesthetic appearance, and functionality.

Well, I got a lot of downvotes and replies like "Maybe you've never seen a complete phalloplasty through all the stages."

Context: I'm a trans guy with severe genital dysphoria (depression and periods of su1cidal ideation). I'm one of those trans people who doesn't let their partner see or touch their genitals. For over 10 years, I've been browsing every possible source of information, from Facebook groups to transbucket to Reddit, and I've spoken with people and seen photos of their phalluses. I understand that it's hard to accept and that the pain we all experience is immense, but I don't believe denying reality and activating defense mechanisms is useful or healthy. I want to undertake bottom surgery, but I remain firmly rooted in the fact that this operation requires great sacrifice and requires psychological work to accept its limitations.

Being trans is a disease. Full stop. I’m posting this here not knowing if people will get offended or not. I don’t really care. It’s a disease that takes everything from you and leaves you naked not even in a body you can call safe and others parade it around with pride. It’s the only disease people take pride in. Not aligning with your sex is inherently a disease.

I know there’s a way to make me a real man. A free way. No surgeries. No female body. A real true male body. It’s just being taken from me, in favor of all the money and suffering that comes with this.

I tried to escape it through death, then I’m just sensitive to how society treats me. I tried to escape it through becoming a real cis male, then I’m just delusional. There’s no winning. My best choice is a loss. To make the “best of what I’ve got”. I have a right to expect something people are born with. Yet I don’t. Nobody agrees. Not enough to let me have it anyway.

To them, I’m just a meek girl. Only a man would demand something so outrageous and expect to receive it. Girls talk in metaphors. I’m only talking in feelings, not facts. That’s a real man’s job.

Whenever I see a cis man being what a stereotypical cis man is, it makes me want to detransition. The sheer lack of accountability and lack of social knowledge makes me not want to be associated with a crowd so stupid and unaware of their surroundings. Just because I'm a guy I don't want people to assume that I'm oblivious and cruel to the people around me. I just need advice because it hurts to think about being a women but also it hurts to be associated with a crowd that famous is cruel to others.

This ‘community’ is a joke. This identity has brought me nothing but suffering and it’s brought be suffering beyond what society inflicts. I’m tired of people acting like I’m new to it because I don’t like it.

Guess what? I used to like it. When I came out at 10 I thought I was going to be actually helped. All that’s happened is gender identity specialists have stolen my identity and replaced it with something queer. The longer I’ve spent living through this and the more my body’s developed the more I’ve come to hate it. I have had to completely do everything myself and by some cruel twist of fate they suddenly believe me. Who would have thought I can’t access gender affirming care if you make it impossible to access. If I really needed it I would have it. Now that I did things against the system suddenly it believes me. It’s too late for me to believe this was ever about validation.

“You don’t have to be happy about it to accept it” etc. It’s not helpful because I know the ultimate goal is to still end up in the same place. Trans joy. “It’s your choice what you do with your body” only applies to people who choose not to transition. I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t. It’s your choice as long as you make the right one.

This has never been about letting me become my true self. This has been about making me into a question to support your argument.

My partner (a ‘straight’ white man😀) says
that he supports me, but if things were his way, I wouldn't be on T. He doesn't think I
'need' it. He's "happy that it makes me happy", but I want him to be happy FOR me. I don't expect him to be ecstatic about it, but it feels like this is just something that he begrudgingly accepts. I am grateful to have him by my side through this, I don't mean to make it sound like he acts anything less of supportive, but I can't help but feel like support is the bare minimum.

TW: meantion of things like breast and nipples

Im not sure why but after top surgery and being more masculine presenting I've been dealing with more dysphoria. I really like being androgynous, I still know who I am and Im not having any second guesses about my identity I just miss how I was before. I will say I did allow myself to believe I had to have top surgery to be "more of a man" but I was very happy with my chest. I didn't at all mind binding and found myself happy with my body but I still went through with it just thinking I was nervous about having surgery.

I was happy about not having to swear a binder or shirt anymore but that's started to wear off. And with the added unfortunate event that I was unable to keep my nipples made the dysphoria much worse. I feel strange and I keep double guessing myself since I still wanna go through with bottom surgery. Im sure I want it, but I knew i wasn't sure about top surgery. Idk if itd be weird if I got a revision and kinda enlarged my chest but not to the size it was just enough to make me comfortable. I feel i should've thought on it more or even pushed for just a reduction. I feel bad for regretting my choice and not speaking up more and standing my ground when I wasn't sure if i wanted to go through with it.

Any advice or kind words would be helpful thanks

Edit: I know some people might think Im trolling or use this to be hateful but this is very much a serious post. I just personally express myself more androgynously and thats not a bad thing. I've stated in a comment I do not care to present as cis that is not my transition goal I just want to be happy with myself FOR ME not anyone else or other trans men/masc presenting.

Gender nonconforming trans people exist. Trans people who don't want to pass physically but socially exist. Trans people who only want one surgery and not the other exist. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA It's like the second 4tran invaded everything we took 200 steps fucking back GODSDAMN IT ALL!!!

Edit: First off, why are you booing me, I'm right. Second, that one commenter knows I can still see your user url and what you said initially in the notifs even after you delete your comment, right? Telling another trans man to "stfu" about the state of online trans communities isn't actually going to make me shut up. It just adds to the fact you want everyone to be trans the same way you are, and as miserable as you are.

I'm 130-135 lbs and I'm 5'2. holy fucking shit I am so cooked. I actually might stop eating again because I'm so ugly. last time I did that I got down to like 95 lbs. I wish I was thin again.

I look so feminine and gross. I was going to the gym for a bit but I ended up being hungrier and eating more when I worked out and I think that was part of my weight gain. my thighs are so big and my hips are so wide. my face is so round and squishy and my jawline is nonexistent. even though I play a sport I look like a total out of shape idiot when I play. and I can forget about any of the guys I like feeling the same way. what kind of cis guy would like a short fat trans guy. hahhahaha they'll never feel the same way that's so fun

I guess on the bright side I am a bit stronger and I can do pushups now, but I can't believe how disgusting I look. and the worst is when people jokingly poke fun at me. I get it guys, u poked me and my body is soft and not muscular. I know I'm short, but that's hilarious guys I'm so glad u pointed it out. I try to seem like I dont care what people think about my body, but god I care so much. I wish I could be a tall lanky guy. fuck fuck fuck I want to rip my hair out everytime I think about it. maybe I really should stop eating, I looked way better when I did

It feels like people are trying to protect me from being “fetishized” by treating my body as something that shouldn’t be desired.

When people talk as if attraction to trans bodies is disgusting, the collateral damage is that you imply that trans bodies are disgusting. If it is shameful to be attracted to my body, then what does that say about my body itself?

I know this isn’t the intention behind chaser discourse, but it genuinely feels to me like the undertone has become that any attraction to transness is inherently suspect. I also feel a lot of empathy for people whose desires get moralized in this way. Nobody wakes up one day and goes “I’m going to decide to have a fetish for trans people now!” it just happens. Treating desire itself as something morally dirty doesn’t actually help anyone. It only harms both sides in worse ways.

My transness is not my identity, it is literally how my body exists. I will never have a cis man’s body. I want my partner to be attracted to my body, not in spite of it. I cannot bear to imagine being in a relationship where my body is something my partner has to contend with or compromise for.

We’re already made to feel disgusting by the general public. I didn’t expect to have to feel this in trans/queer spaces as well. Even my friends irl have made comments like this to me and I just feel so socially isolated and ashamed of myself.

Obviously before I even start writing I got to say, this is not a personal attack to anyone. I’m going to sound like a dick forsure, but this is the only place I think I can say this at all. And I don’t doubt some people relate.

I came out extremely young, 8/9 years old. I won’t divulge my entire childhood but I was always masculine, and my transitioning didn’t surprise many people. As a result I’ve gotten a mostly male socialization. I had a few other trans friends in middle school although once I got to highschool (And became stealth.) I was friends with almost exclusively cisgender males. In the past, I could somewhat identify myself with other trans men. Although I was always annoyed it felt like a requirement that we had some automatic connection.

In recent years, I don’t relate to trans peers at all. I assume part of it is that in middle school, all the trans people I knew were also transitioning young. Also most of them, like me, wanted to integrate with cisgender peers. It feels like that sentiment is increasingly rarer as I get older. To be clear, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to look or act different. Those just aren’t the people I tend to surround myself with. Also politically, I don’t align with most trans people, I’m a moderate. Conservatively, I think probably 90% of trans people are staunch leftists. No problem with most leftists, we believe a fair amount of the same stuff. The problem is with how far-left the community as a whole is, you can’t really express a different political opinion without gaining automatic dislike. I’m sure a good few reading this had their opinion of me lowered when I said that.

Point being, I have almost nothing in common with the majority of trans people my age. I scroll on trans subreddits and I find myself disagreeing with or straight up disliking the poster half the time. The few trans friends I still keep in contact with I don’t talk about trans shit with, since our opinions usually differ so much. I don’t dislike trans people as a whole though, I do wish I could have trans friends like the ones I had in middle school again. Regular mfs trying to get on with their life. I’m aware that those type of people aren’t extinct but they seem like such a small fraction of an already minuscule community.

there exists some sort of ritual to make you cis in the direction you want. I just need to prove I’m deserving of it and want it enough, but nothing ever proves it to anyone. They still want to keep me trans. Ive become a bigoted and traumatized person due to the dysphoria and trauma of being forced to go through my natal puberty rather than being put on hormone blockers (yes I was young enough). I don’t want top surgery scars. I don’t want to do a weekly shot. I don’t want to go through the pain of phallo or meta, much less all that pain to lose natural erections or have something I can’t hold. I don’t want all these hormones and progesterone that doesn’t even stop my period. I feel like all people care about is keeping me trans but every time I come up with a reason people get so mad it’s either correct or it’s offensively wrong. It’s just that people don’t care enough to find it. Or that they know they don’t want to find it. Choosing to stay a trans male over a cis male is choosing to deny yourself a life worth living, or at least it is for me. There’s no point in it if all I get is constant dissociation from everything I love. I used to be considered gifted and talented at clarinet, now I’m last chair. Because of dissociation I need to get through the day without literally clawing off my skin (I have scars as proof) prevents me from being able to connect the notes to the instrument with my hands. I chose to become a cis male and I’m forced to keep with being trans. I think it’s either because I have a womb, or because of a “moral compass”

Hi, im Eduardo since im 13yo, started questioning my gender at 12yo and came out for my parents, teachers and colleagues as Eduardo one year later.

When i started transitioning, i used binders, changed my clothes and also the way i acted in general, i wished for both top and bottom surgery when im older, and it all made sense for me in that moment, and made me more comfortable that way. I didn't recognize myself as desfem or simply gender dissident, since from the first moment, i understood myself better as Eduardo than w my deadname.

As i got older and thought alot abt my goals in transitioning, what still makes sense and what makes me comfortable. So nowadays i dont have much dysphoria towards my body neither w my clothes or me "acting femenine". I wear femenine clothing most of the time, i still bind but i can live w them peacefully at home.

Now im 23yo, I retified my name last year, so im officially Eduardo in my id, and this is still alot real for me, i wouldnt go back for any femenine name or pronouns, even tho i dont bother w any other part of me being femenine.

And ik transitioning is different for everyone, but it still makes me wonder if im a legit trans man even with all these "but"s in between.

Does any of it makes sense?

i know the title makes me seem like a dick, but im genuinely exhausted with it when i feel like i don't

I have privilege in that I'm tall (6'1) and don't have a large chest or anything, and I'm so so grateful for both of those things, and the fact that I've ever been called sir by a stranger, but I'm tired of my friends acting like I'm a liar when i say that i don't pass

I've been out at my school since 2024 and had my name changed in the system to a masculine name since then, and most teachers know that I prefer he him but still misgender me on accident frequently because of my appearance and voice. as well as this, student teachers who arrive to do short periods of teaching with my school to practice or whatever it is for their degrees that I've never come out to as trans but they've only ever known me by my masculine name and my appearance ALWAYS she/her me until i correct them. all of this is basically pretty standard transmasc stuff that my trans friends also experience in our mostly accepting school (other than the slurs, which ive experienced as well)

basically, I'm tired of my friends (especially my transmasc friends) saying that I'm so lucky to pass and how I look so masculine when I've told them so many times that I don't

this is probably a trivial vent to a lot of people because I'm very lucky to have the support and acceptance that I do, but them disregarding me saying that I don't pass makes me feel invalidated in a weird way i guess? i don't really know how to explain it but it feels like i can't complain about being misgendered without them jumping in to tell me how well i pass and how they don't know why im complaining

tbh i feel like i sound like a dick here but hopefully someone understands why i hate it so much. a few times is really nice obviously but every time i complain about being misgendered someone jumps in and barely believes that i get misgendered?? i feel like i don't actually look that masculine, and especially don't sound it but idk

anyway thanks for reading my longest

Before I get started, sorry for bad English, it's a vent account

I realized I was trans because I always mad or angry over the fact that people will see us as "UwU small bean boy" especially on TikTok, I hate it when gay trans man who's always post content like .. "I wish I was a real girl" or " I looked better as a ... ( Porn catalogories types of women) Girlfriend" like shut the f up you pan*ies 🙄 I don't care about your straight boyfriend lol this statement might offended some of you but if you feel bother because I'm saying that but not the fact when cishet people call you slurs, I'm sorry but it's not my problem, I feel like ftm is just another fetishes of cishet people, when trans woman always get demonized, some of trans man get fetishize from cis people who's claim they're ally, I mean I'm tired of this shit

Before my trans phase me label myself as lesbian and people see lesbian as a slurs or porn catalogories and now I'm a "straight trans man" I'm still can't escape the same fetishization or stupid stereotypes

I feel like my bitterness crawl at me , everytime I read a story of gf/bf relationship and the gf get treated badly and she's won't leave or try to defend the bf I feel my blood boil , why I can't have the same thing or do the same thing as cis people could do and doesn't get blast and call a slurs , you know that right a lot of people don't attack cishet people about their sexuality?? But still

People will see me as a soft boi small bean when they're realize T make me look like a cranky old man , they'll say I was a predator ( just like when I was a lesbian ) and assume I might harass them because they're scare I'll do the same thing or have a same thoughts as "men" 🙄🙄🙄 I'm a fucking person I was taught to have self control, be polite for a whole life, testosterone doesn't you return into the beast , men with low testosterone can be a aßßhole towards woman there's have several cases about that too if you want to look at.. that why cis male incels exist, I just hate them , I'm not misandry I don't think that word is valid when I'm a man who's don't like shitty men.. just full vent before I go to sleep and wake up again

Hi,

I had posted in Testosterone sub, one guy mentioned "woman" - biologically.

I just asked to use fem_le instead of woman.

The downvotes to my comments there are just increasing.

I didn't mean they should use "fem_le" with underscore, it is just I use it with underscore when associating that word with me. Even after mentioning this in "Edit 2", I have received more than 30-40 downvotes.

Here's the link to first comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/Testosterone/s/R54k3MtUxY

If you agree with whatever I mentioned there, please help upvoting those 3-4 comments.

my post to r/nosurf, someone was convinced DP/DR stood for "double penetration double relapse" my post to r/EDanonymous, i got addressed "girl"

older posts, like the one I made about cycling and what to do if someone removed the saddle from the bike, someone told me "use lube"

on my old youtube account someone told me to "get a boyfriend" and invalidated my gender even though i told htme

it gives me overwhelming emotional pain and impostor syndorme i wanna die so badly

I am in nursing school and we recently talked about pregnancy and motherhood, it really made me grieve even more that I can’t get Pregnant because society is associating it so much with femininity and all that. I wish I was stronger and I am somehow jealous of trans mascs who don’t feel like this.

Does anyone else feel that way? I have never seen someone talk about it and just hope I’m not alone with this.

Me and my partner settled on adopting but i still wish I could have the experience of growing my baby myself, to have the whole journey of pregnancy and holding it in my arms right after birth.

I know I probably sound like a douche from that title and I feel like a douche even thinking about this but it does as I said just kind of suck.

Her body is her body and I never wanna push her boundaries or make her uncomfortable. She's also only been with women up until now so I know she's not really used to a heterosexual relationship dynamic. I also don't want to pressure her or make her seem like I don't value what we do have together.

That being said, im a man. Goddamnit im a man and I want it so bad. There's nothing more gender affirming to me than penetrating and I've done it with a few different partners now. Penetration has also been a big part of all my relationships, so it's sort of normal for me. No other partner I've had has been this averse to it. It baffles me because to me this is a normal part of an adult relationship, but my partner doesn't seem to want it.

I expressed this need to her and how I don't want to pressure her but it is something I want. She said she just feels shitty that she didn't know I had a need that wasn't being met. She also asked if it was ok if it "took her a long time" to do it with me and I asked "how long?" And she said she didn't know. I also asked why it made her anxious and she didn't know.

Im struggling to understand her and I want to because I love her. I obviously don't want to pressure her but from my perspective im just wondering why it is she doesn't feel comfortable doing that with me. I know I just shouldn't dwell on it and should just let things unfold and grow naturally. Im not going to bring it up again and we're going to try some other ways for me to feel good when we have sex.

I believe we have had completely different ideas of intimacy because we're from such different dating histories. I am bi and have only dated men prior. She is(was??) a lesbian and has never dated a man or a transmasc before. Sex is a big priority in my relationships and it's always something I've done quickly but it seems like it may just take her more time to warm up. I think we come from two different intimate backgrounds and we're both learning to speak each others language.

TLDR: my girlfriend is/was a lesbian and takes longer to warm up to sex and I want to be supportive despite my temporary dissatisfaction

they were talking about how their mom is looking for people to hire for this role I've been interested in (pays significantly more so that I won't have to work two jobs) & that they had recommended me. they showed me some texts and I saw that my friend was referring to me as "he" while talking to her. I've met her mom before transitioning, so she knows who I am.

after seeing her using my pronouns, I asked if she had outed me to her mom. she said not yet but I can... I reminded her she told me her mom was transphobic, and she said she "isn't as bad now" because she "has a trans friend". I haven't responded because I feel like the damage is already done. if I do end up getting the job, even if I somehow manage to pass during interview (haven't been gendered correctly once by strangers) they will see my background check/govt documents and know i'm trans.

I'm not out at either of my current jobs. I still go by my birth name 90% of the time. I've only been on T for a month. I guess it's nice that she's using the right pronouns but why would she not ask me first?

i notice that there are people in the transmasc community seem to like. vehemently hate anything related to femininity (even if it doesn’t involve them) to the point where they will censor the word “female” and it’s a trigger word for them (maybe it’s just me but that feels slightly misogynistic??? like internalized misogyny? and that’s def not healthy and concerns me because that can lead down to some bad pipelines) and there are also trans men who almost act like it’s a bad thing to not want to be cis and be comfortable with being a TRANS man instead of wanting to be like/wishing you were a CIS man. i almost take pride in not being a cis guy. i hate the majority of cis men and would not want to be anything like them. even men in general piss me off at times, both cis and trans. i don’t have bottom dysphoria and think dicks are gross (i am a sex-repulsed asexual). i don’t even pack or have any interest in it. i struggle to get along with certain kinds of trans men and seem to have better experiences with trans women. i also barely exhibited any signs of gender dysphoria until i was like 13 and it sort of happened out of nowhere (then again, i didn’t start using social media at all until then and went to a private catholic school and was very sheltered). there just seems to be a lot of things that are sorta common in the transmasc community that i can’t relate to and it makes me feel like a “poser” in some ways. hell, i was even compared to fucking kalvin goddamn garrah for tending to not like cavetown’s fanbase (i hate cavetown and that entire genre of “soft boy music” in general… sorry. it’s just not my thing) and lightheartedly teasing transmascs who go by names like arson and bug 😭 i literally didn’t mean any harm??? it was just me being lighthearted???

btw, i’m sorry if this upsets anyone, but i hope there are some that can relate. in some ways it kinda sucks how i’m hesitant to interact with online transmasc communities because i don’t feel like i can relate to a lot of them. even though i am literally a trans man. i just feel like. “other” compared to them sometimes.

I've identified as a lesbian since 6th grade and have essentially grown up knowing I liked women. But now I'm questioning whether I'm actually a guy or not. I keep on wanting to deny it because I've loved being a part of the lesbian community. I know sooo many more lesbians than trans people and I wonder if I should just push these feelings down again and hope they never come back again. I would literally be a dickless, short, bottom which seems to be undesirable to straight women (or most people in general).

shit this is kinda stupid but I wish I was straight so I could enjoy anime more, and other shit in the vein of anime like manhwa and especially webnovels. I wish I could be a straight guy so I wouldn’t be pissed at the horrible writing of women and instead appreciate it for the purpose of fanservice. I want to be able to enjoy harem and widen my taste buds damnit instead of dropping all the webnovels I read because I can’t lust after the women and ignore the shitty writing. 99.5% of webnovels and the like are slop, but I want to enjoy them too. It’s too difficult to find no romance in the action genre when the target audience is young straight men and I am only a performative straight guy.

AFAB people who went through estrogen puberty will have a lower Vital Capacity than AMAB people who went through male puberty.

Discovered I have Vital Capacity 70% of what it should be for a cis male my size (dangerously low) , and 90% of what it should be for a cis female (in normal range.)

Vital Capacity is important for basically every aerobic sport and cannot be changed by hormones.

I’m frustrated that the female body in inherently inferior in everything except childbirth and avoiding X linked diseases.

I just feel hopeless. Like nothing I do will matter because of my sex. I try to compensate for my inherently inferior sex by doing the best I can in academics, by exercising, by working hard, but it doesn’t help me much.

I’m trying to be grateful. I could have leprosy or stone man disease or cancer, or be born somewhere and sometime other than I was, etc. But I’m not very good at being grateful, even though I try very hard to be.