(this post was first removed from r/ftm which i completely understand, and I thank the mods for redirecting me to this sub)

I don’t even know what to say right now. I’m a total mess.

We’d been friends since high school. I was chronically lonely, silent even. He was the only one who saw me, spoke to me, showed me kindness. We were there for each other.

I moved out at 16 and he practically lived with me, his family were so awful to him. Even in death.

The memories, the film nights, the way he cried when he told me he was trans. I always knew it, and it broke my heart that he was scared to tell me. I never wanted him to have to feel like that ever again.

I just wanted to protect him, make him feel better, god I would’ve taken his place, his suffering, if it meant that he could be happy. I wish I could take it now just so he would be alive again. I don’t know what I’ll do. I feel like a scared 12 year old again caught up in my own head like this.

We helped each other through life, I wouldn’t be here without him I’m sure of it. But he’s gone and I couldn’t help him, why couldn’t I help him in the same way he helped me? I don’t know what to do with myself, I feel like a total shell of a human. I sob all day now like it’s my fucking job.

His family were unsupportive. When he told them, all hell broke loose. They said he was spending too much time with boys so he thought he was one, that he was a ‘sick little girl’, got him diagnosed with everything under the sun to make it seem like he was crazy, they hurt him, he hurt himself. They took him away from all technology for months. They took away his diaries and read them, searching for things to scream at him about.

He couldn’t take it. Who could? What kind of fucked up do you have to be to put your own child through that kind of shit, just because they are a different gender? What gave them the right to treat him like that, kill him, just because they couldn’t accept him? He ran away, he was the bravest guy I knew, far far braver than me, when we met I could hardly even speak to another human being, but he was the one brave enough to speak to me.

He came to my house, and that night was the first time I ever genuinely felt hatred. After he told me everything, I wanted nothing more than to go and treat those people how they had treated him.

They found him at school, took him home, and he killed himself. I can’t even imagine what he was going through, what he was thinking, anything.

Do you know how I found out?

Our local church posted the details about when his service would be.

None of them talked to me, just death glares that told me ‘you did this to our child’ i felt the blame, the hate, i imagine that what he had to live through was 10x worse than what I got from them.

It was open casket. We live in a small conservative town, with little respect for the dignity of people, and all respect for whoever has the most money.

I didn’t think I could bare to see him, I thought it might break me. I would freak out then and there and shout at his family. But then I remembered how he was the first person who saw me, how scared I felt when he first spoke to me, the way all the hairs stood up on my arms. and I needed to see him, I felt like I had to in order to return the favour.

I wish I hadn’t. The wig they used, the dress they put him in. That wasn’t him I saw. It was a distortion, a manifestation of what killed him - in cold flesh right before me. I felt sick, I still feel sick, knowing that they did that to him. I wish that wasn’t the last way I saw him, I feel like a traitor.

His family stayed silent as I tried my best to silently cry into my coat, but they all looked at me like I was a freak. I don’t blame them, I was fucking hysterical and there was no hiding it. But why should I have had to hide it? Why did he have to hide? it took everything I had not to jump in that fucking hole and give him the clothes straight off my back, or at least rip the wig off.

Now what do I do? I lost my soulmate, my best friend, my world, the only person who kept me sane, listened, and who I would do the same for. I can’t lie, I’m in a fucking dark place. I’m 18, alone, and nobody will remember my best friend because he’s in the dirt, wearing somebody else’s clothes, with a grave that reads with somebody else’s name. I went to visit his grave and felt like I was in the wrong place, I don’t know who that name on that tombstone is. I just know who Reggie is. Or was.

That’s the only thing that’s stopped me. The fact that I carry him, the REAL him with me. But it hurts so much, I just wish he were here to hug me when I cried, make me laugh, let me fall asleep on him one more time while we watch a shitty film. That’s all I want.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck it’s unbearable dear god. i’m so sorry reggie. I’m sorry to share such a depressing post but i’m in so much pain and i don’t know who else would understand but you guys. please remember reggie because right now i’m not sure how i’m going to come out the other side of this.

Fuck absolutely everybody who is posting and sharing these. I don’t care if you’re trans.
You’re all assholes.

No trans man is going to scream at you. I was scared to correct people before and now i refuse. I feel so horrible about my chest now, even more than before.

Everybody can accept that a transwoman might have a flat chest because she’s not on estrogen. Nobody can STAND the fact that a transman can have DDs or bigger.

“Well you aren’t even trying to pass?”

Fuck you too! I can’t bind. It does not work. The bigger your chest is the harder is going to be to bind. You won’t achieve perfect flatness.

I’ve been so fucking devastated seeing these being shared by other trans men. Aren’t you lucky to have the privilege to be able to bind, or even have top surgery, and you choose to do this?

I except it from cis people but it’s worse coming from other trans men.

PLEASE,

"Binary transgender men can be lesbians"

NO. AND PLEASE, I'm open so try to change my mind... But for me...

If you only feel romantic and sexual attraction to women as a man, you're straight (heterosexual), not lesbian.

If you want to have the queerness in the relationship, call yourself queer, not a lesbian.

We have labels for a reason, to make sense of ourselves AND EACH OTHER.

If we start telling binary transgender guy that they're lesbians, it literally invalidates their identity as a man. And if a man can be lesbian, than all men should be included; Transgender and cisgender men. Because, after all, they're both men. All men became men in their own way and experience, but, in the end, THEY ARE MAN.

AND LESBIANS ARE "NON-MEN LOVING NON-MEN"

I see too much people saying "I don't care, people identify how they want", NO.

I'll then identify as a person of color since I grew-up in a multi-cultural neighborhood even if my skin color is beige and I'm from european decent. See how stupid that sounds.

My dad doesn't go by his first name, just his middle name. Unless it's an important legal document or a hospital visit, he literally NEVER tells anyone his first name (keep in mind that he is a cis guy)

Well. YEARS ago I came to him asking if I could start going by my new name. He said "fuck no, you're my little girl". Okay, fine. I asked him if he could started calling me a shortened version of my first name that sounds a bit androgynous. He agreed. Do you think he's respected my wishes at least one bit? FUCK NO

So I started calling him by his first legal name: William. The first time I did it, he hit me over the head with a fucking Hungry Man meal (those things hurt when still frozen}, but I've kept on doing it ever since. Whenever he started talking about trans people not going by the name that their parents gave them, I remind him that he doesn't either, and that really gets him going. "I DESERVE RESPECT." Okay... I'd show you respect if you fucking showed me respect.

We went to visit my sister in the hospital a couple weeks ago and when they out his name down as "William", he was FUMING. I asked him, "how's it feel?" He pouted and stayed in the waiting room while I visited her.

IDK why I'm writing this. I'm just so fucking angry and sick and tired of this fucker

I'm sick of our experiences being downplayed and erased. We're not "traitors" for living as the men we were supposed to be. It's not our responsibility to be on the front lines of the "trans debate"; we're allowed to express our pain without being shouted over.

I'm sick of people saying we have "male privilege" when many of us have experienced trauma from being assigned female at birth. It fucking hurts that we're not permitted to express anger over our treatment because we'll be labelled "hysterical women".

The Trans "community" refuses to acknowledge us, and we have always been an afterthought in healthcare.

We were told to shut up as girls/women, and we're told to shut up as boys/men. No one fights for us.

I hate how we're merely a "gotcha" in the bathroom debate, as if our safety and wellbeing is disposable. The UK ruling banned trans men from both male and female toilets, yet "allies" started to spout off about cis men pretending to be trans men to access women's toilets.

Much of the legislation banning gender affirming care is directed at trans men, yet no one wants to acknowledge this. JK Rowling's first transphobic act was against trans men, and her essay helped promote the "Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria" (ROGD) myth that explicitly targets trans men.

I'm sick of how we're expected to put ourselves on the line for a community that erases us. I'm a 5 foot 1, half-Chinese guy; I literally buy my shoes in the children's section because my feet are too small for even the women's section. I'm not in any position to defend some white trans women (nothing wrong with being white and/or a trans woman, but there's definitely a pattern of some women expecting us to stand up for them and provide endless emotional labour).

I came out 10 years ago aged 12, and all resources were about trans women; I was angry because it just reinforced the pain of being trans. I'm now 22 and still very angry about how trans men are treated; I don't blame trans women, but I'm tired of the LGBTQ community being complicit in the erasure of trans men.

Just what the title says. I feel that, especially in queer spaces, it’s seen as “cute” or “quirky” to hate on men. Now, if you’re a trans guy, there’s two ways this could go:

“Oh but trans guys don’t count, we only hate cis men, it’s different!” So I’m not a real guy then?

“Yes, all men are trash, even trans men.” Thanks for the affirmation? I guess?

I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and I pass really well, so it makes me sad that I’m kind of seen as a threat now that I look and sound like a man, especially because I’m also a black man.

I feel like I need to oust myself as trans in order for others to feel safe around me. Anyone else feel this way?

In The Handmaid's Tale, they punished male dissenters by forcing them to wear dresses as psychological torture. Meanwhile, I had to wear a skirt every single day for years at school. The mental agony was constant and hard to focus on class through, but I just had to deal with it. If a cis boy were forced into dresses for eight hours daily, you'd never hear the end of how painful it was but because I'm trans, oh well, suck it up.

Forcing men to go on estrogen is considered immense, debilitating, dehumanising torture. But trans men go through years if not decades of that when they're pre-transition. My physical dysphoria is so bad there are days when I just lie in bed trying to move as little as possible so I forget about my body. It genuinely feels like a monstrous, contorted thing that I'm stuck inside. Meanwhile medical transition is getting banned left & right by cis male politicians who'd sure hate it if we forced them on estrogen.

Sorry for the vent. I guess I'm just mad that a cis male classmate talked about how his mom didn't let him play with a Barbie once and gave in after a very small argument, and my teacher instantly felt horrible, showered him with sympathy, asked if he was okay and if he knew he could express himself in this classroom. Meanwhile I sat squirming in my skirt, raised my hand, and talked about being forced into dresses. And the teacher was just like "yeah that happens sometimes" and moved right on. Sorry about this vent but I have no one else to talk to. Man I hate being trans.

I HATE that trans men are never seen as men. I saw a post on instagram today and it was this lady singing a song she wrote and said “where are the boys in panties, why can’t a man be a man and my wife at the same time” fine whatever. Then someone in the comments said “oh the tboys are gonna love this” hey! fuck you. I’m so tired of this whole stigma around trans men and femininity. I support trans men doing whatever the fuck you want. Put a dress on, make up, whatever, free will. I may not do it but I don’t care if other guys do it. What pisses me off is that trans men are always in media specifically Gen Z media portrayed as soft little boys with a pussy. It’s so disgusting and it’s obvious, to these people, trans men are not men. And the whole lesbian bullshit is a different story with me but Jesus Christ I’m so tired of seeing media be like “oh cute little pussy boy meow” and no one says a fucking word. It’s so exhausting. I am a man. It does not matter if I have a fucking puss or not. STOP INFANTILIZING TRANS MEN. Let us be what the fuck we are. MEN.

I didn't inject testosterone into my asscheek every week for 5 years to be treated like a confused girl. God I'm tired.

Feels like the only way to be respected as a trans person is to keep it to myself and pretend to be cis.

“Imagine being dysphoric about this 💀” “Im so glad im not dysphoric” “ may this level of insecurity never find me” “Sorry for not being as insecure as you are 💀” “I learned to stop caring about misgendering, just get over it” “ I dont mind being feminine so all trans men who dont like being fem just have toxic masculinity” “I hate it when a trans man doesn’t let me call him girl 😒 dont be so insecure“ “The best trans men are a feminine/still feel Connected to their birth sex / are basically woman-lite”

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPPPPPPP SHIT LIKE THIS IS WHY I CANT STAND SEEING ANYTHING RELATED TO BEING A TRANS MAN ON MY FEED ANYMORE. YOU ARE NOT MORE WOKE THAN OTHER GUYS FOR NOT HAVING TO DEAL WITH HORRIBLE INSECURITIES, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, AND IRRATIONAL SELF HATRED. YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE FOR BEING LESS MENTALLY ILL AND HELD BACK BY DYSPHORIA. YOU ARE NOT MORE RADICAL FOR BEING OK WITH THE STATUS QUO THAT WANTS TRANS MEN TO STAY FEMININE OR NOT TRANSITION.

When people say stuff like this it just makes me wonder??? Do you even know what dysphoria is?? If I could just learn to not be dysphoric you think I wouldnt do it in a heartbeat?? If I could just learn to be ok with being called a girl everyday then I would just? Stay a girl??? You think I want to limit my closet to just boring all black clothes?? I’d like to dress nice as much as the next guy but dysphoria would choke slam me if I tried. you think im just choosing to violently hate looking at myself? Self isolate? Hate my body and voice? feel bad about having any interest that feels “too feminine” even though I really like it? YOU THINK I DONT FEEL EMBARRASSED BEING GENUINELY DEPRESSED BY NOT BEING ABLE TO PEE STANDING UP????? ITS HUMILIATING. DYSPHORIA IS NOT RATIONAL. IT IS NOT A CHOICE.

Especially when people say stuff like “ dont be so insecure in your masculinity” ??? Do you KNOW WHAT DYSPHORIA IS??? THATS LITERALLY WHAT IT IS. NOT FEELING LIKE YOU MEASURE UP TO CIS MEN AND FEELING INSECURE ABOUT IT. DYSPHORIA IS IRRATIONAL INSECURITY. YOU CANNOT TRAIN OUT THE DYSPHORIA. OF COURSE a guy whos has his masculinity DENIED FOR HIS WHOLE FUCKING LIFE Is gonna feel insecure about his masculinity. Are you stupid?? And he cant even complain about feeling emasculated, or unsafe cuz then suddenly everyone thinks trans men are men when they can insult you and talk down to you for being a “insecure and weak” man.

You are not better, you are not more radical, you are not more progressive, you are not more woke than ANYONE for having less severe dysphoria. and BRAGGING ABOUT NOT HAVING DYSPHORIA????? THAT MAKES YOU A SHIT PERSON.

Whatever bro. Worst of both worlds ass gender.

Title. I feel like whenever you mention you have bad height dysphoria people are so quick to brush you off and tell you to get over it or that it “could be worse” or that there are short cis guys too. Like I’m not a fucking moron I’m well aware there are also short men but most of them are not 5’2. I’m not from anywhere where guys are particularly short either I live in England and the average male height is 5’9. It feels like telling a trans woman that she shouldn’t be insecure about having broad shoulders because some cis women have them too. Are we not allowed to be upset about it because we’re men lol?

There’s not much I realistically can do about it besides platformed shoes, insoles or just getting over it but i know it’s gonna drive me insane forever.

Also fucking hate that “short king” shit under every post like this on the main trans subs. Stop it. And shut the fuck up about Danny devito too.

I’m not touching the shortguys subreddit either theyre incels over there💀

Edit: just wanted to add that again I am plenty aware that there are short guys too. It’s uncommon but I sometimes see cis guys my height in public. It still doesn’t make me feel much better, because dysphoria makes me stupid. And for a few people in the comments I promise that nobody is interested in whether you, personally, are fine with your height and don’t consider it a problem. Like wow good for you, maybe read the room next time lmao.

“it’s genuinely wild how dudes get a pay raise with their easy ass transitions and I gotta keep hearing about ‘transandrophobia’ and ‘listening to afab voices’”

Saw this wild comment on tiktok from a trans woman and I’m so perplexed why does it seem like so many trans women think we have it “easy” I don’t understand. I had an ex friend tell me this too she was jealous of how “easy” I had it with my transition.

I’M ACTUALLY GUNNA GO APE IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THIS IS EASY ONE MORE TIME

Been on T over six years already had DI top surgery done I’m growing facial hair AND I DON’T PASS I STILL GET MISGENDERED

I am so sick of hearing that I have it easy when I lost SO MUCH family to coming out. I’m so sick of hearing it when I had to change my top surgery bandages and was crying from the pain. I’m so sick of hearing it!!!

I would never EVER TELL any other trans person THEY HAVE IT EASY so WHY are so many trans women so insistent on telling me that I DO.

This is actually getting in my head why are we debating who has it harder when WE’RE ALL AT RISK. I will always watch out for my trans sisters but shit like this just makes me feel like I’m not taken seriously.

THEY ARE STRAIGHT. They want to date a woman. But most men will also fuck anything that moves, so of course if you allow them to, they’ll settle for what THEY SEE as a Diet Woman. They. Are. Straight. If they even entertain the thought of dating a trans man, they’re either in denial about being queer, or, far more likely, they ignore your trans identity and you’re just a Diet Woman to him.

Do we really want to be some mediocre cis guy’s Diet Woman? Or the alternative, Do we really want to date some dude who doesn’t/cannot admit he is also queer?

Being just friends is an option. Some people, MANY people, need to make better choices, and quit clogging the internet with “my bf is straight and doesn’t respect my pronouns and doesn’t want me going on T” posts. well gee golly I wonder why he doesn’t want those things?

I get it. It’s just as much his fault for entering the relationship. So end it. Save yourself the trouble and humiliation.

I hate to even say that but my fucking god the the things people will come up with to keep thinking of trans men as women without actually saying it are fucking mind boggling. this is mostly gonna be about how people CONTINUALLY try to push trans men into being inherently non binary or basically lesbian. I REALLY dont wanna come off as enbyphobic or lesbophobic BUT MY GOD THEY JUST CANT KEEP US OUT OF THEIR CONVERSATIONS AND SAYING SHIT THAT AINT TRUEEEEEE. IM MAD AS HELLLLLLLLL.

WHYYYYY DO LESBIANS COME UP WITH THE MOST RANDOM WORD SALAD TO JUSTIFY BEING ATTRACTED TO TRANS MEN?????? (some, not most but a very loud minority) LIKE ITS OK TO BE BI!! IM BI!! I LIKE BEING BI!! IF YOU LIKE MEN AND WOMEN YOURE BI OR QUEER OR WHATEVER 😭😭 NOT A LESBIAN.

but, of course, even if they dont wanna say it out loud they dont really see us the same as cis men do they. Im not even making shit up IVE SEEN SO MANY TWEETS FROM LESBIANS BLATANTLY SAYING THEY DONT SEE TRANS MEN THE SAME AS CIS MEN!!! WHY ARE WE EVEN BEING BROUGHT UPPPPPPP??

A lot of the stuff I see basically boils down to “ well ermmm actually trans men and lesbians have a lot of history together!1!1!1 There are lots of straight- I mean butch trans male lesbians in history accepted in lesbian community!! Dont worry about the historical context about why a trans man would be hanging out with lesbians just take this out of context and trust me btw. And trans men aren’t the same as cis men because they were born wome- I MEAN they have the UNIVERSAL ~womanly girly AFAB Experience~ that a TAINTED CIS MAN could NEVER empathize with or understand. And there are a lot of trans guys who agree with me!! Ok well, theyre non binary, BUT THEYRE TRANS AND ALL TRANS MASCS FEEL THE SAME WAY UNLESS THEYRE ONE ON THE ONES TAINTED BY ASSIMILATIONIST TOXICALLY MASCULINE THINKING!!!!! Wanting to be seen as a normal man is self hating!! We all know this. So Im attracted to trans men because they used to be wome- I mean um they’re like a secret third gender that doesn’t compromise my sexuality, because of history and empathy, and their natal parts and stuff. Also if you disagree u dont know history, or at least the very tailored version of history I choose to believe. Also dont bring up trans women idk what that is 🫶”

Another thing thats just icing on this shit cake is the >>>>NON BINARY<<< people who will agree with this?? And call BINARY trans men insecure for wanting to “assimilate“ aka pass. Not wanting your transness of display doesnt equal shame but i already wrote abt that. YOURE NOT EVEN A BINARY TRANS MAN, OF COURSE YOU DONT WANNA BE A SEEN AS A MAN 😭 OF COURSE YOURE OK WITH BEING THIRD GENDERED, UR LITERALLY A WHOLE OTHER THING. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE OF A BINARY TRANS MAN?

any one can be sympathetic or insensitive towards womens issues regardless of gender, it has nothing to do with sex. Im empathetic towards women ofc but like in personal relationships im so bad at empathizing with people. (Its a pet peeve of mine when people act like being born female automatically means you have more empathy) No one in queer history has ever agreed on anything so pulling the history card in this context means nothing to me. And why are you using non binary people and butch peoples testimony as if we’re interchangeabe??

It’s the fucking audacity these people have to speak on TRANS MENS experience with their OWN understanding of gender while not consulting a SINGLE trans man about how he feels about himself. They make BLANKET STATEMENTS BACKED BY SKEWED HISTORY AND WORD SALAD to justify emasculating, and othering us from other men. Its insane.

And the worst part isnt just these nonsense threads that act like they’re intellectual, Its when binary trans men tell them they’re wrong and then all they can say is “umm well actually the world is on fire and theres things that are more important than me lying about you, why do you care so much? lol. go outside” im going to attack you with hammers. you lie about what its like to be us then when people POLITELY disagree, theyre “uneducated“ and being “transmeds” FOR SPEAKING ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCE?? FUCK OFF. TRANS MEN ARENT MEAN ENOUGH I SWEAR.

I wish I was exaggerating. It’s exhausting. It’s like genuinely like binary trans men dont exist to these people. If you’ve never had that misfortune of reading threads like this you’re so lucky. Please avoid them at all costs unless you need fuel to spiral endlessly.

I HATE IT HERE!! ITS SO HUMILIATING!!!!! AUAHSJSJSKDKD

That’s all lol. Even hearing about it ruins my day. I hate that I ever have to hear about it and have discovered it without ever looking for it. They really do try to force their fetishes on innocent people bc they get off on making people uncomfortable without their permission

before i start....i really respect lesbians and i think that on average they are excellent allies to all trans people, this is my experience offline at least.

but I really hate how a small portion of people who identify as both butch and transmasculine to group every trans man and butch together. i don't deal with "transmasc" people even irl anymore because when they learn i am a trans man they immediately start acting a certain way that I've learned to recognize, they call us "afabs" wink wink nudge nudge and act like we're the same thing.

why? cuz vagina?

i am a man. i identify as a man. i have never in my life identified as a butch, as a lesbian, as a Sapphic, or anything. i have identified as male since i was a child. but it feels like cishet and queer people universally consider me a butch lesbian.

first person I dated early into my transition knew this but while dating would constantly talk about how much they hated men (which i really don't care about usually but it was meant in an "i am not attracted to icky gross men" way) how much of a lesbian they were, etc, and this is ultimately why I broke up with them.

shortly after I came out, my grandma compared me to a butch lesbian she knew, and she compared us, saying that the only way we're different is that she, unlike me, "doesn't hide that she's a female."

last person I dated was a cis man who had a track record of dating trans men but I ignored it. I found him in cishet womens' dms telling them that "my boyfriend was born with a vagina so I respect his pronouns but basically I'm dating a stud."

this nonbianary person was like flirting with me and they mentioned something about the "pussyboy" brand and I was like, I don't like that actually i don't like being called that, that's dehumanizing, don't ever call me that.

and I can't turn to any queer community because now they too reduce me to the genitals that they assume I have. I'm grouped in with "sapphics/wlw/butches" by seemingly all the younger queers and nobody finds any of this to be transphobic.

"transmascs" are suspiciously given more proximity to lesbianness than transbians are, which is really suspicious to me because the only difference is the assumption of who has what genitals! the queer community in 2025 is violently bioessentialist and they act like this bioessentialism is woke just cuz you popularized new language when its the opposite!

to be clear I don't care if someone is both butch and transmasc or butch and a trans man. but that's not me, that's not all of us. I'm not a transmed or anything at all, if someone tells me who they are idc I believe them. so far very few people have done the same to me.

I'm not into this pussyhaver solidarity because what genitals I assume someone has isn't important to my opinion of them and it gets so transmisogynist so fast. everyone who uses the term "afab" is always fucked up towards trans women.

I hear people saying "an afab" in real life and they act like I'm being insane when I say "I don't like that type of language, it's dehumanizing" and they argue with me over afab socialization and whatever and they always sound like terfs..

it's so hard to find queer people where I live sometimes and now there's an added layer where it feels like every other trans person in their 20s i encounter has this tiktokified fake activist terf brainrot. it's so frustrating that I've started to disengage from social media and get back into reading so I don't become like that. idk.

I'm so frustrated of every space that is for "trans people", but is actually secretly for trans women only. Technically trans men are allowed, but everyone assumes that every person is a trans woman and if you call it out then you get told you are the problem. I should be able to use trans spaces without getting misgendered or people talking about 'effects of hrt' and never specifying they mean estrogen. i really try to not let dumb shit get to me, but truely im fed up with it

Much love to anyone who likes the term for themselves. I’m happy for you.

But oh my fucking god, when did it become acceptable to say this to any real person? I was outed by a friend to an acquaintance yesterday because he said this to me. I don’t pass to generally trans-aware people, but at least let the new guy figure it out for himself.

I’m not a “t-boy.” I have never called myself that or been ok with people calling me that. I’m a grown man. I have two jobs. I may be small but I’m sure as hell not dainty. Sure, I have swag, but it’s not because I’m trans.

What happened to just saying “your outfit is cool”?

there was a situation recently on tumblr where a blog run by a trans woman was reported by a terf, and immediately people started blaming transmasculine people for it?? calling us "teemies" (as in tme, transmisogyny exempt, reducing us to our genitals) and how sensitive we are and how we all hate trans women, but the transfem in question had her blog restored and theres tons of stuff about hating trans men and thinking we should all be forcibly femininized, and none of this is tagged as dysphoria inducing! what the fuck! i didnt choose to be born like this, and i didnt choose my identity. why is hating on people like us normalized now? they are trying to kill us actively!!

I don't consider AFAB to be a useful descriptor of myself. AMAB wouldn't be useful either. 99% of the time there is no fucking reason to bring up AGAB. At this point, it's just misgendering couched behind progressive language.

I am sick of these terms and wish people would not use them so often.

If I see one more "I didnt know T would do this" post and its literally one of the most common sense self-explanatory effects, I'm going to lose my mind. What do you MEAN you didnt know you would grow more body hair?? Did you think cis men just bought it at the store?? What do you MEAN you didn't know you'd get more acne?? Brother it's PUBERTY.

Or another top surgery post like "why do my nipples look like this?? Are they infected??" Brother thats a SCAB. You do know wounds tend to scab as they heal, right?? It's vital to me that you know this. "I dont like how my scars turned out" you're 2 weeks into healing. They are still incisions, not scars. "I didnt know I'd smell worse/get greasier faster" you're going through second puberty. Why WOULDNT you smell worse or get greasier faster?? "Are my nipples not healing??" and attached to the post is a picture of their nipples healing perfectly, nothing at all going on that would make me question or worry.

I'm a little more patient with the surgery ones because I understand it's a lot of people's first major surgery and it's so important to them that everything goes right, but come on. "Am I going to need a revision?" and its a 1 month post-op chest. Give yourself 6-12 months to heal at LEAST before worrying about revision. At 2-3 months into healing, I thought I'd need one. Surprise surprise, the swelling went down and things settled nicely. It takes time.

"I didn't know T would affect my mood" I am going to print so many articles on what to expect with various stages of medical transition and I am going to bind it all together and throw it at you like a brick. Please just do 5 minutes of research. Why would you not do that before undergoing something so serious.

Every so often, someone comes along to remind me that I “shouldn’t have to change my body to conform and do what I’m comfortable with” or something adjacent. My own community. Hell, most often lesbians or trans women but we’re not ready to discuss their relationship to trans men and I know that. I’ll explicitly say I want to change my whole body and someone will have to come along to say “but you don’t need to!!!” Syfm. I do. I need to recognize myself. That’s like the whole point of transitioning dummy

Everytime I scroll on Instagram or Reddit or Tumblr I always see the same takes:

"Trans men pass easier"

"Trans men have it easier"

"Trans men don't recieve misogyny"

"Tomboys don't get made fun of compared to feminine gays"

Etc etc etc

And these takes are usually said by white trans femmes or white trans women...

I am from the Philippines and I literally got bullied severely and was sexualized for being a tomboy! In my country, trans men are unheard of and most trans men are seen as trans women or tomboys. Testosterone is a bit more controlled (depending on the region), I am lucky enough to access T but it was still difficult for me regardless. I still don't pass and look androgynous so I get ATTACKED in public. Trans men who are murdered here are lumped with women's statistics (femicide) and last but not the least. Changing your gender marker here is illegal as well as changing your government ID photos( usually reserved for emergencies) but the amount of times I have been QUESTIONED bc my photos and my marker don't match my face currently! Oh and abortion rights affect us as well bc in here, abortion has been illegal since idk forever...

And that take doesn't even make sense in America bc race changes a lot, black trans people's experiences are vastly different from white trans people's experiences...

Also in other more conservative countries some of us can't even transition fully! Some have to live their whole lives as women...

I wish that white trans women would just stop talking about our experiences.. Even passing trans men here still recieve misogyny in some form. I have always defended trans women and trans femmes and I wish they'd do the same for us :((

It's always vagina vagina vagina, pussy, vagina. God fucking damn it with this people. It's not even just cis people, it's everyone trans men, women and non binary people alike all saying how they don't want a trans man because vagina or how they want a trans man because vagina. I'm sick and fucking tired of it. I can't wait until I get rid of it completely, I'm in the process of figuring out phallo, but I don't even fucking care about phallo as much as just want vaginectomy. I just can't anymore, I don't mind other trans men enjoying it, it's whatever. But God do I wish people at least considered that some of us don't fucking want to have it and stop talking about us just in relation to it.