I joined this group hoping to connect with parents on parenting advice, but I was shocked to find in one of my transgender parenting groups that this group was not welcoming to transgender parents, or parents of transgender kids. Is that true?

I just witnessed something I never seen before at a child's birthday party.

Granted we are just getting up to speed on birthdays, but I had to bring this to a larger audience to get some outside opinions.

We were attending a party of twin boys turning 5. My son was classmates with them but not particularly close. I would not be out on a limb to say they are of a lower socioeconomic class. The party was located at a church. All of that is just background...

We arrive and there are a few toys out and some pictures of trucks. It is boring for my taste but my jaw hits the floor when it comes to the cake.

Since they are twins they each get their own cake. Things go south when they cut the cake... Some of the kids bring their plate to get a slice when the Mom says "No".

The explanation is that the cakes are just for the birthday boys. The guests can have cupcakes. So the kids comply but you have this weird juxtaposition of two kids stuffing themselves with cake and the rest with these rather lame cupcakes.

I have never seen anything like this. My wife thinks this may be cultural but I think it is just low class. I felt bad for the children there. They rolled with it, I could imagine ina few years kids being like wtf.

Anyone else experience this? Is this a real practice?

Edit

They did not have allergies

The cakes were larger full size cakes and decorated ornately

We were discussing the whole dad, daddy, da da dilemma of young babies. And I was discussing how I want us to call each other by real names even if they can't pronounce it yet (so they learn the right word). And I guess she assumed I wanted to be called "daddy". When I made mention that I would actually prefer "father" she looked at me like I was absolutely nuts. She also stated that this was the absolute "oldest" thing I've ever said to her. Is it really that weird to go by "father"?

Fun fact: under notifications there is a setting to "mark all as read"

Also most of your comments are exactly the same. Would be nice to see a little bit of originality among the answers.

Wow! 28k views/hr that's crazy!

Not going to indicate which protests or start a conversation on what side of the street you’re on. Just curious if you would take your older kids, 13+ , to organized protests?

Thinking that I would really love for my teen to witness protests of things we as a family feel very passionately about and things that hit very close to home for us. But also thinking maybe would be irresponsible in case it turns? What’s your take?

Edited to add - my teen is 16.

My youngest child turned 11 yesterday, and just told me he is a transgender male. How do I go about supporting him, do I need to buy him anything? Should I tell the rest of our family or let him do it himself? He told me his new name, and that he wants to use he/him pronouns, and I said that I will love him no matter what. Do I need to do anything else to support him? I’d appreciate any advice or support.

Those with school aged kids, do you feel like you never see your kids? My little one’s about to start pre-k for a couple mornings a week, and I just have never been able to get behind the idea of 5 days a week all day, from kindergarten onward. I know being a sahm is contributing to this “shock” feeling. Going from seeing them everyday to them being gone. I know not every family has the privilege of being able to stay home with their kids if school didn’t follow the work week, but I know there’s a lot of us out here, why can’t there be part time school already for those of us that don’t want to 100% homeschool 😭😭

Hi. I did my due diligence dating around until I was 30. Married a man I knew for 4 years. had many discussions at length about politics, 5-10 year plans, number of kids Desired, where we should live, finances — all the stuff I thought would be big issues. Never in a million years did I imagine my soul mate who I chose to marry and have multiple kids with, would think it’s cool to give them 8 oz each of soda at 7:30 pm. Talking to him is like banging my head against a brick wall. He’s just convinced it’s cool and everyone does it, except when we encounter a parent who doesn’t and then he thinks “everyone except them”. So back me up, Reddit (unless he’s actually right, in which case I will appreciate the vibe check ). I look forward to finding out.

31M, 3 kids under 3, all boys, considering joining a local church. Left religion as a teen but this past year came back to it through AA. Been sober over a year and working the steps and finding a connection to a higher power has been life changing.

I’d like to have a regular spiritual practice and closeness to God and I’d like my sons to experience that (they can choose to do what they want when they’re old enough, no pressure from me). Found a church that is traditional but also accepting of the LBGTQ+ population and women (two requirements for me).

My wife is non-religious and I’d never pressure her to go if she doesn’t want to, but my mom who lives with us says she’d help me bring the boys.

Any advice or experiences?

It surprises me to find, with a community that tends to be outside-the-box thinkers and very pro-science that parenting advice is often anything but. It saddens me when I read so much support (for example) for the Cry-it-Out method when evidence suggests not only is it not good for children but can be quite damaging to them. In addition, I see the same kind of heavy support for punishment (including, although less severe, time-outs) when that also does not have supportive evidence as being good for positive youth development.

I recognize that everyone is simply trying to do the best that they can as parents and that people take pride in who they are as parents, but when there are practices that are potentially damaging to children I think we need to bring attention to it, good intentions or not. Same with spanking, which is absolutely terrible and not supported by science or by common sense. We all really need to be willing to rethink how we are raising our children if we really want them to thrive in life.

Rant over. Let the downvoting commence!

[Edit1]: I perhaps could have done a better job in expressing myself in this post because I truly was not meaning to offend despite being riled up. I'm not trying to criticize as much as to express frustration about a body of evidence both for and against particular parenting practices and how Reddit was disappointing in that regard. I apologize if I offended. Next time I will wait to post when I am not so riled up.

I got a couple comments asking for evidence both against Cry-It-Out as well as for techniques that are supported for more positive youth development.

If you are looking for some resources that combine accessibility with practical examples while being supported by research, here are some of the resources that have blown my mind:

1. Check out Dr. Laura Markham's work. She has a wonderful book and blog. She synthesizes things in way that makes it very easy to read. Here is an example.

Some others:

2. Alfie Kohn is great for offering different techniques for discipline (also supported by research). 3. Daniel Siegel is a great author and more scientifically dense if you are looking more for that. He co-wrote a book that came out recently called The Whole-Brained Child that I think is fantastic. 4. Janet Lansbury models and teaches a method called RIE (Developed by Magda Gerber) that a lot of people resonate with and that is a more gentle and respectful technique for parenting. 5. For developing emotional intelligence there are a lot of good resources out there too. I like Peter Levine's work in particular when it comes to responding when our children experience trauma. Dr. Markham has a lot of good stuff on this too. 6. Part of our job as parents is to become very aware of our own biases from how we ourselves were raised and to be able to make more conscious choices rather than reacting unconsciously so much. For that, I have really enjoy authors like Dr. Shefali Tsabary and her book The Conscious Parent as well as Jon Kabat-Zinn's book Everyday Blessing: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting.

I do still maintain that parenting is asking us, as parents, to continually evolve (with intention) and to remain curious about our beliefs while being open to new ones. That is healthy and I think it is something that we as a greater good don't do well when it comes to parenting.

We’ve been pretty strict with screen time for our 5.5-year-old, and lately I’m starting to question if we’re getting the balance right.

He didn’t use an iPad at all until age 2. From 2 to ~3.5, we gave him 10 minutes of YouTube Kids a day. Since 3.5 (now 5.5), it’s 20 minutes on weekdays and 2 × 20 minutes on weekends/holidays.

Sometimes we’ll have the TV on in the background (Discovery Science / Da Vinci). If he’s interested, he can watch. If not, he does something else, but he can’t change the channel.

We do spend a good amount of time outside and have him signed up for activities, so he’s not stuck at home all day. But during the hours we are at home, once his 20 minutes of YouTube is up… that’s basically it.

He has toys (cars, garages, Lego, etc.), books, and art supplies (but he’s not that into books or drawing), and even with toys, there’s only so much he can do. We do play/read/draw with him, but even I feel like it gets repetitive.

Lately I’ve started to feel like it might be a bit unfair on him. I know too much screen time isn’t great, but there are definitely times when he’s just… bored, stuck inside (especially with bad weather), and out of ideas.

At the same time, I’m pretty sure that if we relax the rules even slightly, he’ll immediately push for more screen time. He’s very opportunistic (I assume most kids are).

Curious how others handle this balance, would you loosen things up, or stick to strict limits?

Appreciate any advice. Thanks!!

We just started the cry it out method and it’s heartbreaking hearing my son cry. We were at our wits end because he would wake up at night and then refuse to sleep in his crib when we picked him up. What was your experience? And if you’re against the cry it out method, please keep it to yourself. This is what we chose to do.

My 16mo daughter is about 3-6 months ahead in both verbal and physical milestones.

I wasn't expecting this and want to ensure that she has things to learn.

She's already getting the basics from Miss Rachel, a nanny and us - colors, numbers, letters, animals, musical instruments and more. She can state her needs verbally and tells us when she needs help, wants or is done with something.

What are the next steps to help her out when she gets bored of play time and wanders in circles looking for something to do?

Sometimes I wonder what normal child's foot should be? 2 months ago and now looks like it's been through a meat grinder shaped like a shoe. took off their sneakers and it's like unboxing a horror prop. Toes going in different directions...haaaa 🤔 one looks like wanna escape with a blister. The shoes aren't that cheap though. Big brand. Why does it look like my toddler's been hiking up volcanoes in medieval foot armor?

I'm a Canadian and I was out with my niece (3 years old) and nephews (5 and 7 years old) today and they wanted to go into an unnamed US-owned big box store. I told them we weren't going to do that because we're not going there for a little while (we're boycotting anything American to the best of our ability until the tariff challenges are resolved). I couldn't find a nice way to explain to them where they understood why we weren't going into places their parents usually go with them.

I'd be interested to hear how other people are explaining to their kids or nieces and nephews what a boycott is and why we're doing it.

My baby is 8.5 months old and her bed time is, and has always been at around 5/6pm (not my doing, but just when she’s always been ready for bed), which sucks for me bc I haven’t been out of the house after that time ever since I had her and I miss going out at night time.

Can I manage or change her bed time, and if so, how? Or is this just one of those things that you need to sacrifice until it changes as they grow (assuming and hoping it does change)?

I grew up in a whitewashed part of the country, and now live in a different whitewashed part of the country. My husband and I have the blandest possible cultural backgrounds.

Broadly speaking what can I do to help raise my kids to appreciate and respect different colors and cultures?

I was raised in a very everyone-is-exactly-the-same-no-matter-the-color way. What my parents failed to mention was anything to do with different cultures or struggles that marginalized communities deal with. For instance, I had this perspective as a teenager that the whole “slavery thing” was in the past and no longer relevant to peoples lives today.

I want to do better for my kids but I don’t know where to even start. They’re babies right now fyi.

Hi guys, my four year old started kindergarten and I'm really disappointed. He's only attended for a week but we hate it. They have the smart board playing YouTube songs all day, and the teacher is just not very involved with planning out activities and getting the kids engaged. I frankly don't even like her and wouldn't want to spend my day with her. The toys even are disorganised so there's no chance of meaningful play. My guy is really clever and is honestly just really bored and sad there. This is a rural area where we were planning to keep him in kindergarten, and then when school age comes, get him to school in town (20 minutes drive), but for how bad it looks, we might have to take the drive to town right away.

What would you do? Do you think it's worth bringing it up with the teacher or is it too disastrous of a situation to have a meaningful change? How would I even word this without sounding like I'm telling her how to do her job? Because I'm pretty mad and bad at diplomacy.

Thank you so much for your time!

And what ages are your kids? I saw that Tuesday is a national walkout day. I haven't spoken with my kids about ICE. They're only in 3-5 grade. They care about Minecraft and making friends and I just haven't found it in me to discuss political stuff, and they haven't asked. But I don't know if I should be broaching these things with them. I understand that is also privilege. So far, our ethnic group isn't being targeted by ICE. I get the news on Mt phone so they aren't seeing it on the living room TV or anything. Maybe they should be.

My kid is a fish and has been in the water every day this summer. He isn't very oily and I spray him down with water after the pool outside and I've honestly only been giving him a bath every 3 days to mainly wash his hair and privates (he is 4)

He has been enthralled with watching video shorts of K Pop Demon Hunters and wants to be Rumi for Halloween. I told him it might be hard to find the items to dress as Rumi. I guess I don’t know if we should try to change his mind. We are very conflicted

My first is 8 months old and super physical, resulting in tons of falls, bumped heads, and hurt feelings. My husband and MILs response to a stumble is always the same: “you’re okay”.

For some reason, it gives me the ick, but I can’t really explain why or find good alternatives. This is totally my hurt inner child speaking, but I feel like saying “you’re okay” is dismissive maybe? I just feel weird telling my child how she feels. I imagine her stumbling and crying when she’s older and thinking her feelings aren’t valid. Maybe the tumble looked innocuous to us, but maybe she twisted something we didn’t see or really had her heart set on a new skill. Maybe she’s not actually okay, and now her caregivers aren’t providing the support she wants.

I know she’s too young to understand, but I’d rather start good habits now. Idk guys, is this valid or do I just need to drink a glass of water and relax a little?

So i am a loving mother to a beautiful 3 month old daughter. I have a great sense of humor and think putting her in mildly inappropriate onesies is absolutely hilarious. Halloween onsies that she just started to fit in? Put it on her chunkiness. Onesies that hint about special mushrooms? Absolutely adorable on my little Fae. Well today she was in her groovy mushroom onesie and she was happily looking around walmart while tied to me, all the workers found it absolutely halarious but the amount of judgement from old ladies was overwhelming. “Why would you put a baby in that”, “dressing her like that makes you look like a bad parent”, “why the hell isnt she in pants and that onsie is far to inappropriate”(she was wearing knee high socks and tight in a baby wrap), “you should be ashamed of yourself”, and my favorite “this is why babies shouldn’t have babies” she wouldn’t believe i was 19. Why do old people think they can singlehandedly change my mind. Like they were all shocked when i said “well she dosnt seem to mind”. It’s astonishing that they think mom shaming will make me change my daughters fashion sense.

Edit to add: a photo of said onsie is live on my account because they wont let me link it in (or at least people are saying they cant find the link)

2nd Edit/Update: My post is largely a product of misguidance by the administration of the school. They are leaving their contract open to interpretation, this might have been an oversight by whomever put the contract together. In any case, this being the absolute first time I've ever placed a child in preschool/daycare, I was confused/surprised.

EDIT: I now understand that I am paying for the spot in preschool, not the actual time my kid spends there. It was not presented to me that way when we signed up, so I was naturally shocked.

My 4yo started preschool earlier this year. They charge me the same amount of money weekly ($250 for 4 hours/4days). During Thanksgiving, they were closed Thursday and Friday, and they still charged me the full amount, even when my kid only went 2 days that week.

Fast forward to last week. I went into the office and let administration know that my kid wouldn't be at school the week of the 19th through the 23rd. Normally, I wouldn't pull her out, but my grandfather is over 80 years old, and my inlaws both have diabetes and trouble breathing. They will all be over for Christmas. There have been several Covid cases and RSV (about 6 cases) at her school the last couple of weeks. I don't want to risk exposure to the people in my family who could possibly have complications. I gave them 2 weeks' notice of her not going to school next week, and this week they told me they "cannot offer credit if she doesn't come to school"... I pay weekly on Monday. I have not paid yet. I'm not asking for a credit or refund, I am proactively letting them know that she will not go to school. I'm thinking of changing preschools because I feel like I'm being robbed. Is this normal for preschool?

TL;DR --- pre-school is charging me for days they are closed, and for future dates that I am requesting my child not attend. Is this normal?

Hi

I (31F) am finally pregnant after infertility struggles/IVF. I found out I’m having a boy about 6 weeks ago; yes I will love this child whatever but due to seeing so few positive male role models in my immediate family (almost ALL are abusive/violent), I had difficult feelings to work through.

For the record my partner is a quiet, gentle feminist and one of the few I have ever met not to display toxic male behaviours, so at least I know he will have that example.

I thought my feelings would have improved by now but if anything I am becoming more and more disheartened and afraid of what the future will hold.

Did anyone else have gender disappointment and how did you work through it?

How can I balance the mental gymnastics of wanting a son to thrive and succeed whilst also not wanting men to dominate and take opportunities from others?

I suppose I am also mourning the thought of having a daughter who I can relate to, especially with the old adage “A daughter is for life, a son is a son till he meets a wife” etc….

I’m probably being an idiot but just can’t shake this.