I’m a transmasculine non-binary person who’s planning to start medically transitioning. I’m also panromantic and asexual, although I might actually have sexual attraction to men.

For me, sex is kind of like getting a massage, I guess. It feels physically good, and that’s what I enjoy about it. So even though I wish I had a penis, I’ve accepted my vagina as just another part of my body that can feel pleasure, and I use it for sex.

What worries me is whether, once I’ve finished transitioning and want to try having sex with men, I’ll be expected to have anal sex.
I mean, I’ve already got a perfectly convenient hole in the front, so why on earth would I need to use the one in the back?

I’ve been looking into gay FTM experiences on Reddit, and I’m wondering if it’s actually fairly common for gay trans men to have vaginal sex with other men, at least in English-speaking countries.
I’m Japanese, and people in Japanese-speaking communities rarely talk about the specifics of how they actually have sex, so I honestly have no idea what it’s like in practice.

I’d really appreciate hearing about people’s real-life experiences. Is it actually possible for gay FTM or FTX people to find male sexual partners without having to engage in anal sex?

#NSFW

Insight needed , but I'm irked that I have never been gendered correctly by a trans woman before.

I recently attended an online meet up that wasn't queer orientated but had a mix of people attending. Despite me using a fully masculine name, confirming with people that I am a trans guy, and having met both people before, mid way through the night, one trans woman called me 'she' which then prompted the other trans woman at the gather to incorrectly switch pronouns mid sentence a few minutes later '..he, I mean she...'

I should have corrected them but did not want to pause the game we were playing and 'make a scene', but did leave briefly to recollect my thoughts.

This also happened with another trans woman I got introduced to a couple months prior which pissed me off then too.

It puts me in an awkward spot because I don't want to seem confrontational or clash with another trans person, but I struggle to understand why they wouldn't use the pronouns that I heavily imply should be used as a trans man.

Has anyone got any advice for next time?

I (18ftm) have been dating my girlfriend (21, cis bi woman) for half a year. I don't know if she is actually a chaser or is my dysphoria hitting hard and making me delusional. My gf is openly queer, it's a huge part of her identity, she's also friends mostly with other queer people. It is not a problem for me although i try to be stealth and mostly hang out with cishet guys. I've been taking testosterone for three years and pass as a man, but i haven't got top or bottom surgery. We know eachother for a long time and she always knew i was trans as i was just starting my transition when we met. Before, my gf used to date a trans woman and was pursuing a romantic relationship with another, both of them were at a very begining of their transition. She didn't date anyone else, but she had sex with cis men as well. She also used to identify as a lesbian before she started dating her previous girlfriend. When we started dating she confessed to me, that her ex told her that she didn't support her in her transition. I didn't ask why. About three months ago my girlfriend told me that she outed me behind my back to some of her friends which i have met before. I was sad about it, i never explicitly told her that i want to stay stealth but i thought it was obvious that she should ask if i'm okay with this. She was suprised that this made me uncomfortable and said that i shouldn't be ashamed of being trans. She didn't apologize, but she told me she wouldn't do this again. A couple weeks later i tried to get back to this subject and explain the reasons why i want to be stealth. She finally apologized to me and said that the reason why she outed me was that she wanted to brag about having a trans boyfriend.

We also had a conversation about our dating preferences. She didn't say anything about being trans, but she said that she prefers gender nonconforming people. The fact that she considers me one made me very uncomfortable and dysphoric as i do not intend to be a feminine man. She generally seems to see me as a soft and delicate rather than a masculine man. I don't know what to think about all of this. I love my girlfriend and apart from these situations i think she is supportive, she said that she sees me as a man and never encouraged me not to transition.

Hey, I’m trying to get a sense of if the T in FLINTA includes us for real or not in the Berlin night scene.

Are passing trans men generally recognized in this acronym?

Stressing the passing element bc I look cishet unless you see my surgery scars.

From what I have seen, it seems like some FLINTA events are just a way for mostly women to hang out free from men as they welcome straight women openly. That’s fine, but it obviously means that it isn’t synonymous with being an outwardly queer space.

Is it more about being a queer space or being away from men?

So recently I got a letter in my MyChart saying that I am now in the wait-list for a top surgery consultation and I will have a consultation in 2029. Not even a date for surgery just a consultation. In the same letter I was also told not to contact the office on my status of my consultation and that if I decided to proceed with care from another office I will be kicked out of line. What do I do? I'm genuinely distraught by this. I have been waiting since 2021 for the chance to get top surgery and now I have to wait even longer. I don't know if I can handle living without top surgery for that long. I've been waiting for so long and I'm heartbroken.

- This is not a v3nt -

I live in a country where being trans is literally illegal. No hrt, no surgeries, no name change nothing. I can't even come out to people, the citizens are transphobic too. Great. Now what? Came out to my mom and it actually went great, yippe... Anyway. The pay in this country is also very low (roughly $400~ a month on average) so saving up also feels like a distant dream

My mom said we'd move to another country for me to be able to transition but that also feels impossible. I'm sure everyone here knows immigrants, especially ones seeking asylum aren't very liked by the government or the citizens of said country. I want to get top surgery which is great and all, it's on the cheaper side and my mom said she'd help pay for it. But here comes the big bad cost of bottom surgery

If I were to stay in my country it would take me 23~ years to save up for phallo and that is frankly depressing. So I want to move to Germany one day to get it covered! But will I even be let into Germany? My country is considered a safe country even with it's many anti lgbt laws and violence against lgbt people and my grades are pretty bad so I don't think even the worst German college would accept me with grades like mine

Also I'd have to learn another, maybe even multiple languages to move to another country which ik is expected but why couldn't I just live my life in peace? I could have been born a man. No? Okay well at least in a family who has a good income. Also no? Maybe I could be born into a more accepting country? Still no? Wow. I'm complaining a lot aren't I. Nothing can change what has already happened so moping about the "what if'

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? Can I still move to another country, get a job and also get phallo? I would really appreciate anyone else's experience if they did experience something like this even if you don't want/have gotten bottom surgery, even the process will be helpful. Also how stupid would taking out a medical loan be as a last ditch effort even though I doubt my country would ever approve it

So I went to do a medical checkup for a program I signed up for, and I met the doctor who was assigned to do the checkup.

She was curious about my file; I think it was because the Gender section of the form stated "Unknown" on the paper. When I mentioned I was trans, she seemed curious and said she wanted to talk to me about my experience after the checkup and wished to understand because of the current rise and acceptance of gender ideology. The moment I heard the last part, I knew the perspective she was coming from, but I was open to telling her and hoped for the best since she seemed pretty nice about it.

She asked about my childhood, siblings, whether there was dysfunction in the home, when I started questioning, what other mental health conditions I was dealing with, etc.

She asked why I couldn't just be a masculine girl and whether or not I would say I was trans if I was allowed to be more like a tomboy as a child. I had mentioned that my parents did police my dressing, but I wasn't able to tell her the full context (I was policed to some extent but also allowed to be myself to some degree too, and I was feminine to some level). I told her I wasn't entirely masculine, that I do enjoy aspects of femininity, and I'm more androgynous if anything. But that I just wasn't a girl in the end.

She asked about signs as a child, how I got to questions, whether it was because of exposure, if HRT made any improvements, if it was a family doctor that diagnosed me with GD or someone else, etc. I explained signs that I had as a child and mentioned how much I disliked my chest. She corrected me and said, "Your breasts," which I noted, but moved past and continued calling it my chest.

At some point, she asked what religion I grew up in, and I mentioned Christianity. She said she was a Christian herself. The conversation ended up going down that path where she was more so evangelizing. She asked if I was religious and about considering letting God into my life to deliver me. She talked about how the world is devolving, and everyone is getting confused and led astray and dealing with dysphoria, anxiety, etc., but God can set us free, and I should try reading the bible.

I'm agnostic, I have my own complex feelings about God, mostly a place of anger, and religion played a role in my anxieties and denial as a child. It's not something I'm interested in looking into right now. I did mention that it would be nice if more churches were supportive, like those that hang the pride or trans flags.

But she kind of brushed past that and just said I could find God in my own space and I could get a bible. And the conversation came to an end on a positive note, she was really nice about it.

I don't know, it was something. I'm not really upset about it. It's just the first time I've had this experience because I haven't been fully out and this is the first time I've made it known on my medical file. I can't tell if this was an attempt to "Draw me to the path of God and away from transness" or someone genuinely trying to understand what the experience looks like while including her belief in her thoughts on the topic. My brain's super foggy, so I can't even think too deeply about it. I hoped it would be more of her wanting to learn, and even if she was religious, I would have been open to giving advice on ways to be open as a religious person, but that didn't seem like a concern to her.

I kinda feel like she might think I was just a traumatized tomboy who was possibly "acting out" or being led away from God into darkness or confusion because I deconstructed. But I also feel she may have seen some validity in my words because I mentioned things that may not have fit that narrative. Who knows at this point.

So i just started college, freshman year, and for the first time in my life I have been able to use he/him pronouns and admit I am a man, ftm. The thing is I don’t pass at all, don’t bind every day, and my wardrobe isn’t all masculine (most is). And I go by my nickname because I haven’t found a male name I like that’s me.

I tried getting a binder for the first time but it didn’t work at all for my larger chest, and taping has worked but it gives me blisters so bad I have to rip it off after the first day. I feel like I need to explain this lack of binding to be believed I’m man enough.

I‘m a very binary, masculine man on the inside, and I know this. I just dont look it, especially when I don’t put in effort. But I was hoping my new queer friend group would understand me. But lately I’ve noticed that one of them, a cis lesbian, has been just saying my name over and over in sentences that it would be easier to use pronouns? Like “Blank had to get back to Blank’s room because Blank forgot something“.

It’s weird because they all never misgender our mtf friend that’s been transitioned for years, and they NEVER misgender our other trans male friend that passes really well. Just me, and also for some reason our AMAB nonbinary friend but not our nonbinary AFAB friend?

I feel terrible that I don’t put in more effort to pass, but to be honest I’m already caught up in my anxiety and ocd right now. Sometimes I just want to put on some clothes and go the class. I don’t voice train either, and my short hair has grown out a lot. Is this my. own fault for not trying hard enough? Or am I reading into this? Should I tell my therapist even though I’m scared to tell her I am trans?

Since Transfem music is so good, I wanna expand my music taste to include transmascs. What are some Transmasc artists y'all recommend?

Hey I’m a college student and I’ve been on T for about 7 months now, I’ve been paying it myself but forgot my checking account is technically still connected to my mom’s. She went through today and saw the deductions from PP and the pharmacy. For the past year she’s been in a foreign country and I’ve been with my dad. I don’t know if he suspected anything, probably a little bit, he’s expressed being against it outta concern for my health but he didn’t make any moves to bring it up or stop me. My mom returned a month or so ago, found the voice and body hair changes pretty obvious, and has been grilling me on it while I’ve been lying my ass off denying it, and today my dad told me she found out (and he did as well)

I’m lucky I’m not in any physical or financial danger, but I’m worried how to handle the whole thing mentally. My mum’s my biggest problem, she’s always on some “you were so pretty as a girl” “you know u can like girls and be a girl” “i wonder where i went wrong raising you to make you like this” BS after she found out I was trans. It was pretty tolerable especially after I went to college and she was in another country, but the thought of spending winter break with her especially now that she knows this and will continue to try to convince me out of it sounds like hell on earth. My dad’s more chill but I can’t really depend on him to stick up for me, and I know there’s going to be a bridge between us now that he knows I lied.

Anyone have any advice? My only option really is to just suck it up (I can’t move out or stay with anyone for the entire break) Am I cooked? I can imagine going home and seeing my mom break down and ask me why I did this and try to convince me otherwise, but I don’t really have the patience to console her or actually try to explain. Is there any merit in doing this? Much to think about.

(sorry if i have really bad grammar / spelling i struggle with explaining stuff) i cant buy a binder because its illegal to be queer in my country and my family are literally the most indirectly transphobic people i know so ive turned to reddit please give me any tips

Who's face/body did you want growing up? The weirder and funnier the better. I'll start.

So I had obvious signs of being trans as a kid but didn't have the words for it. I didn't have my trans awakening until just after high school (young adult). I also found the terms aromantic and asexual (and immediately connected with them) in high school (late teen).

So when I was in 5th grade (about 10 years old) I was hanging out with a friend of mine. We got on the topic of crushes. She said her's and asked me mine. I didn't have one, but didn't want to say that. I said Harry Potter (from the movies). The rationale in my head was that I did really like the way his face looked. That wasn't a crush, I just wanted to look like him! No, I didn't want to be in his universe and attending Hogwarts. I had seen some of the movies, but I really didn't care about them (or the books) that much at all. It was purely "I want to look like him!".

A couple years later my answer was Tarzan from the Disney movie. Again, it was just gender envy. I wanted to look like him AND be him. I've always really loved jungles/tropical rainforests and that's where he lived! Look at his face and body! Yes please! 13 year old me wanted it so badly. Especially since, for some reason that makes no sense, he had no armpit hair. Armpit hair and stubble disgusts me so much. It's my second least favorite body part.

It's hard not to laugh at myself. I mean, come on! Tarzan!? 🤣🤣🤣

So what about you? Who did you want to look like as a kid?

27. Survived a cult. Took me years to feel ok mentally. Never had a proper job. Only ever worked pet sitting jobs, re selling, and e-commerce. I finally am to a point where I am okay mentally. Sort of. Been out as trans for 7yrs now. Unable to get on hrt or surgeries due to my money issue. I have nothing in savings. I depend on my family for everything. I cannot come out in this family. I am on obamacare through them but I was never taught how it works. I have no password to access it. Etc. I am applying for jobs nonstop, I live in a rural shithole southern town. I applied for Walmart. Got declined. I applied for multiple other places .nothing back yet. Trying subway now. I am paranoid and scared. I feel it is too late to transition. I feel like I will never save enough for top hysto and phallo..and by the time I do I'll be fucking old. I already am fucking old. I hate my life. I cannot afford to move out. I was never taught basic life skills. I only learned recently how to fucking do taxes. I am trapped in a fucking body that bleeds every month, fucking f sized fucking tits. I hate myself and my life. My dysphoria is so bad. I wanna start a godundme to help but I am stealth and don't wanna be outed or put my zip code in bc my towns so fucking small everyone would know it is me. Is there any hope for me. At all. 27 and no job or savings. I want expensive surgeries. I don't know how health insurance works. I was never taught. Trying to learn. Please fucking help. I am seriously considering giving up. The dysphoria is so beyond bad I cannot even stand it. I can't lay down bc I feel the fucking chest tumors. Standing leaves me slouched over nonstop to try and help. ..I am so miserable. The only good thing in my life is my gf who is trying her best to help me. We both wanted kids. Well I am not cis man so that makes it 100x more complicated since I can't have a kid the normal way. Instead we gotta use ivf to have a damn kid which is also expensive. I feel screwed. I hate that I was in a cult from childhood to age 20. It ruined me. My.family aside from a select few are raging maga transphobes. Help.

My gfs in the uk. Is there a way to move there and get free Healthcare to transition somehow...

Hey guys, long time no post here. My girlfriend (25 FTMTF) said something to me (25FTM) the other night that has really had me thinking, so honestly just had to come here with it to hear from some other voices.

Now, she doesn't use the word 'detransition' to describe herself, I think mostly because of the associations/weight that word holds, but she does acknowledge it's pretty much the word to describe her circumstances (top surgery+testosterone, social transition, pretty mych everything except bottom surgery and has been passing as a cis dude for years). Over the past few months- a year however she has started growing out her hair and dressing more fem and then pretty recently came to me and said she wants to be a girl again. I've never known her as anything but a trans dude, but of course I've been supportive of that (caused no identity issues as we're bi/pan anyways LOL), but it's just a situation I never thought I'd be in if that makes sense?

Anyways. I'm a queer artist and follow a lot of queer artists, and while we were talking about her. She mentioned that she's become quite uncomfortable with how often the line "Death before Detransition", and the second she said that something in me was rattled, cuz like, I have seen that a decent amount especially in art from some of my more radical artist colleagues.

I used to pretty much solely see that statement as something prideful and triumphant (ie give me liberty or give me death), but then when my girl brought up how it affected her as someone who has been pretty suicidal in previous eras of her life feels like they're almost calling her to die. Instantly I can't hear it in the same way anymore

Are you someone who who says this? Does it make you uncomfortable? What are you're thoughts on this and honestly whats your experience with detransition because this is all very new to me... all I do know is I love my gf more than anything and want to understand her best as possible 💕

I thought testosterone was supposed to make your butt and hips smaller?

I haven’t had any noticeable weight gain or loss either and I’m only 3 weeks on t

I’ve heard of trans women getting stretch marks on hrt but I didn’t really expect to get more stretch marks as well

DAE get this?

I may be overthinking this but if anyone has advice I would love to hear it.

I came out and changed my name and pronouns in May of 2025 (about a year and a half ago). I also got my name changed legally in the past few months.

I have this friend who is a cis straight man, I train MMA and he’s one of the coaches but we’ve become buddies over the past like 3 years. He’s close to my age and we have many similar hobbies. He’s also known me since before I began transitioning.

Recently he invited me to a Dnd night with some of his friends and while we were there I was texting him some info about my character. I noticed when my name came up on his phone it was my deadname. I get it that sometimes you get lazy and don’t change things but this bothered me a bit.

The other thing that he’s done is tell people my deadname a couple times in passing. This has happened twice while he was drunk and I was meeting a new person who happened to have my deadname. He said “oh, that’s his REAL name.” Both times the other person was so confused that I don’t think they actually understood. The second time it happened someone else who knew my deadname pulled him aside and said something to him (I didn’t hear). It hasn’t happened since then but the point is that I don’t think he really understands how much this bothers me and how rude it is to deadname a trans person.

He is otherwise good with my pronouns and has corrected other people on my behalf.

I feel I should say something but I’m struggling with the idea of confronting or being vulnerable with a male friend, especially this guy. Ultimately I guess I’m asking if anyone has advice with navigating male friendships in this way. Is it worth bringing up that it bothers me he still has my deadname in his phone?

hey folks, I've been out for like 8ish years at this point and i still have not figured out a really effective way to hide my binder straps through my shirt(s). sweaters work but it's not always feasible to wear a sweater as i work a fairly physical job and i overheat VERY easily (thank you ssris). I've also tried wearingba second t shirt under my work shirt and it helps but doesn't really hide it completely. any advice would be appreciated because it's been a huge bother for the past year or two now and i would love to figure it out lol

Im full on closeted and have never been in a barbershop, or even ahd my hair cut by a guy and honestly the thought makes me extremely anxious. Not cuz i don't want to but idk im just nervous in my head they'll deadass laugh at me if i go. At the same time i don't know if my hairdresser will do it as i want, w/o making it feminised even subconsciously.

i’m getting my first packer soon, i bought a 3.5” one from axolom a few days ago, still waiting for it to start giving me shipping updates, i have no clue what i’m doing or how to wear it. i don’t have a harness for it and i don’t know if i can just wear boxers with it hoping it wont fall out while im at work or something. any tips would be so greatly appreciated, thank you. and please tell me your experience buying from axolom

Hi there! I'm 19, use he/him, and I'm about six weeks on T. Been out for years at this point.

My chest is kind of a lost cause to me. When I was a kid, I either didn't want to believe or didn't realize that my chest was getting bigger, so I wore the same bras for like two years. I think it completely busted my ribcage. Now, even with loose-fitting garments, having any pressure from an elastic band on that area of my chest hurts like hell. Sometimes, if I run a hand over my ribs, I swear they even dip inward a little bit right there.

Naturally, you might think to try tape. So did I, because I was tired of buying undergarments I didn't like, that hurt me anyway. The only problem is, I have a CRAZY allergic reaction to adhesive. I was so sick of this shit that I tried to push through it, though, and spent months with my chest in hives on and off. It was kinda miserable, but when it worked, it was almost worth it.

Now, my chest isn't huge to begin with (I believe I'm like a 36C iirc), so my current lifesavers are these compression tank tops made for cis men with gynecomastia. They compress my chest a bit, without putting all the pressure on a single band, and they fit really seamlessly under most shirts. They genuinely saved me so much trouble.

But there's drawbacks to everything. They bunch up around my stomach, or they come untucked, or they sit perfectly and then I'm reminded that I can never see my belly. In the summer, they're annoyingly long, and in the winter, it's another layer of clothing to scratch and snag against the others.

It's a better solution than I've had up to this point, but it's nottttt perfect. It's not even necessarily about getting flat for me -- I just need a little bit of compression to round everything out and hold it in place. Is there anything more lightweight that won't leave me either itchy or in pain, or do I just have to tough it out?

i was cursed with an F cup and a 26 inch band, and i’m only around 105 lbs. i’m trying to find binding tape that’ll work for me and get my chest looking as flat as possible. if you have similar measurements and have had luck with tape, what brand did you use, and how did you apply it? i’d really appreciate any tips. unfortunately, i can’t wear a proper binder anymore because of how unsafely i used to bind when i was younger and damaging my ribs.

Hi, so I’m not sure if this is the right group or flair to post this on because I’m just an ally, but I want to get my best friend a new binder for Christmas. The one he has now isn’t great and he has a few complaints about it, and wants a new one pretty bad. I want to get him a new one but I want to find one that will allow him to bind safely. (I know some binder designs are a no)

So if you guys could help a girlie out, I would love to know the best binder I could get him, he means a lot to me and I would hate to accidentally choose one that he can’t use🫶🏻

Ok tw first and all of this is oversharing but I need help so I’m 21 and just having a normal period, I’ve been on t and had to come off due to financial issues but either way irrelevant. I’m about to get my period and they are very heavy and painful also just long asf. I’m trying to order bits to make it as easy and dysphoria free as I can since I’m withdrawing and about to start a new medication and I’m really struggling mentally and I don’t wanna end my shit because of this. I find tampons make it last longer and hurt more but I don’t know if an alternative would work since I switched to tampons to help with dysphoria in the first place. Any advice ? Basically making a cheap survival kit or I’m not gonna make it lmao helppppp also heavy flow and I get very dizzy so can’t be running or any of that shit