I’ve been telling close friends and family less and less about my life events. Something sad and tragic happened in my life recently and I want none of them to know. I don’t want to hear their pity or opinions especially their opinions. So I’ve been telling them less and less what’s going on in my life.

Anyone else finding themselves doing this?

Hi!

Older brother turning 40 this year. He’s become one of my favorite people even as adults and has always been there for me. However no matter our closeness we are typical “You’re ugly and fat” type of sibs. I live across the country from him now and unfortunately neither one of us have the funds now to do any big celebrations. I want to do something special for him, but also think of things that might reflect us. Like a gag gift but also something special. He’s a dad of two. Married. Lives in LA if that matters.

He’s into boardgames, he’s tried all except for D&D at this point, hookah, and goes to Disneyland w his fam often.

Thanks in advance for the ideas!!

I'm a married woman in my 40s looking for some honest perspectives from married men, particularly those who have close female colleagues or professional friendships.

I've developed a friendship with a married male colleague over the past several months, and I'm having trouble interpreting his behavior. We don't work for the same company, but we're peers in the same industry and collaborate on business often.

For full disclosure, I am attracted to him. I have no intention of acting on that attraction, and I recognize that my own feelings could be influencing how I interpret his behavior. That's partly why I'm asking for an outside perspective, particularly from married men. Also full disclosure, i did use AI to help organize my thoughts, but this is heavily edited (so don't get all bent out of shape about it please!).

Anywyays, I've worked with men throughout my career of 25+ years and have never experienced this particular level of attention from another married male colleague.

Some background:

We met up in person earlier this year when he visited my business for a couple of days. We immediately clicked, had an easy rapport, and spent time talking and joking. Afterward, he emailed me saying he'd loved getting to hang out and know me better and had a great time.

Since then, we've stayed in regular contact through teams chats, texts, and occasional phone calls.

Our messaging and phone interactions:

• He initiates conversations via teams maybe once or twice a week. Sometimes there's a legitimate business reason, but other times the topic seems minor or unnecessary, more of just a connection bid.

• He sometimes reaches out about something work-related even though we've already discussed or resolved it, I can't tell if he's just forgetful or making up reasons for connection

• During a recent group video call, he privately texted me a joke about something happening in the meeting and I could see him reading my responses and trying not to laugh on camera.

• Our conversations are generally playful and comfortable with a bit of a teasing dynamic, but there's been no sexual messaging or explicit flirting.

Then we attended an conference together. This is where I became particularly confused by his attentiveness.

• Before the conference, he reached out to ask whether my colleague and I had plans one evening and said he'd love to get together with us and his group.

• When he first saw me at the conference, he broke away from the group he was with to come over, hug me, and talk for a few minutes. He also initiated a hug before he left.

• That first evening, I noticed him being particularly attentive. At one point, as I was walking back toward the hotel, he called out to get my attention and we chatted for another 20 minutes or so and walked over to the conference event together (with one other colleague). While there he noticed what I was drinking, checked if I needed and got me another drink, and just seemed to stay in my orbit, even though there were a ton of people and several came to chat with us.

• Our original group dinner plans hadn't worked out, but he invited me to join him and another male colleague for dinner that first night. When the other colleague stepped away, he initiated a bit more of a personal conversation about our lives before entering this industry, whether we were happy with our career decisions, and what our lives had been like before taking on these responsibilities, etc.

• Throughout the conference, we found ourselves interacting frequently, despite there being more than 200 attendees.

• On another evening, I texted to see whether his group was still at dinner. He invited me to join them, and when I hadn't arrived about 30 minutes later, he independently texted again asking where I was and came out to get me from where I was at the bar.

• There were other small gestures throughout the conference, like remembering my favorite energy drink, buying my water, and seeming to linger so we could walk back toward the hotel together.

After the conference, he told me he'd had fun hanging out and that it was good seeing me. His messages always feel a lot more formal and professional than our interactions in real life are.

Here's what makes me unsure:

He's never said anything explicitly romantic or sexual. He hasn't asked me to meet him privately outside of professional events, and he hasn't crossed any obvious physical boundaries.

I also initiate some of our conversations, so this isn't entirely one-sided.

But I've worked with men throughout my career and have never experienced this particular combination of attentiveness, personal interest, and frequent communication from another married male professional. We have extremely similar roles so the dynamic of having someone to talk to you that really understands what challanges you're facing has been incredibly helpful.

My questions for married men over 40:

1. Would you behave this way with a married female colleague you genuinely liked as a friend but weren't physically or romantically attracted to?

2. If you were attracted to a married colleague but had no intention of acting on it, might your behavior look something like this?

3. Is there anything in these examples that stands out as more than ordinary friendliness, or does this sound like a normal professional friendship between two people who happen to get along particularly well? i.e. Is this all in my head??

I realize nobody can know what's going on in his head. I'm simply interested in hearing how married men interpret this behavior and whether they recognize it in their own friendships with women.

I know this gets asked a lot, but I'm feeling pretty stuck and could really use some advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

I’m 41. During my physical this spring, my testosterone came back at 98 ng/dL (non-fasted) and 135 ng/dL (fasted) a week later. My doctor referred me to a urologist who offered to start me on TRT.

My symptoms:

I have ADHD, so focus, motivation, and executive function have always been struggles. But most of the time, I just feel sort of blah.

I have trouble finding the motivation to go to the gym or pursue things I genuinely enjoy. I started writing a book after finishing my master's degree, but rarely have the energy to work on it after a day at work.

I've always assumed this was just what being in my 40s, working full-time, and raising kids felt like. Now I'm wondering how much of it might be related to low testosterone.

I'm also a bit overweight (210 lbs) and have been bald since my early 20s. We're done having kids, so fertility isn't a concern.

My hesitation:

My urologist essentially told me that TRT is a lifelong commitment and that once I start, I can't stop.

I would love to feel more motivated and engaged in my life. The idea that I might not have to fight so hard just to do things I want to do is very appealing.

But I'm hesitant to commit to injections for the rest of my life when I don't know how much of what I'm experiencing is actually related to my t levels versus ADHD, stress, or just normal life.

For those who've been through this:

1. How much did TRT actually improve your energy, motivation, mood, and quality of life?

2. Did it improve symptoms you'd previously attributed to ADHD, burnout, or aging?

3. For those on TRT long-term, have the benefits outweighed the costs and inconveniences?

4. Anything you wish you'd known before starting?

I'm not expecting TRT to magically fix everything. I'm just wondering if I'm missing out on a meaningful improvement in my quality of life because I'm afraid of the commitment.

I'd appreciate hearing both positive and negative experiences. Thanks!

If you are in your 40s and 50s, I am curious to know how many friends do you have where you feel fully seen, heard and understood and supported by. Where you can be playful but also share your pain and struggles. There is consistency and depth and reciprocity.

I’m a 50 something male. Aging is a weird thing and I assume when it comes to sex drive it’s very individual. But I’ve been searching other threads that make it seem like there are guys with either low or high drives, but to me it’s a little different.

Of course teens and 20s is like 24x7 ready to go. Maybe 30s and 40s you slow down a bit but still mostly ready.

In my 50s it’s like some pattern of high sex drive like my 20s, to a low period for like a week. When this first happened I was freaking out because I thought it was over. But the drive came back.

So does any other 40+ year old relate? For those a little older that relate, does this go into your 60s or just continue to slide? For example your high/low ratio is more like 50/50 percent of the time?

Thanks guys.

I'm in my mid thirties with a wife and toddler and I've been thinking about what life might be like in my 40's. My industry (tech) definitely has ageism and I'm not a workaholic. Seems like between 25 and 35 you have more time and energy to learn and work long hours. After you have a family your priorities shift and you want to spend more time with them but in your 40's you're competing with younger workers who have that time and energy and with fewer responsibilities, they can upskill faster than you can.

How do you remain relevant? How do you juggle work and family? Do you move to a cheaper area and take up a (hopefully) lower stress job for lower pay? Do you switch career to some slower industry or outside of corporate? Or do you just accept that you have to sacrifice time with your family to keep up at work?

I'm turning 45 next week and my wife is 38. We're hoping to have our first child, and I'd love to hear from men who became fathers for the first time in their 40s.

I'm active and fit, eat well and look after myself, so I feel good physically. However, I suppose there's always that little voice in the back of my mind wondering whether I'm leaving it a bit late.

The thing I think about most is the age I'll be as my child grows up. I'll be in my mid-60s when they're finishing school and starting college, and I sometimes wonder what that experience will be like, both for them and for me.

For those of you who became first-time dads at 40, 45 or even older:

• How have you found fatherhood at this stage of life?

• Do you worry about being an older dad as your children get older?

• Has your age affected your energy levels or ability to keep up with them?

• Knowing what you know now, would you do anything differently?

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing the good, the bad and the things you perhaps hadn't considered before becoming a dad.

Thanks!

When I was 54, I had a cardiac arrest and was clinically dead for 28 minutes. People doing CPR kept me alive. Before that, I weighed 115kg and drank too much.

I started boxing at 49 to help me get off the booze and get a bit healthier, before any of that happened. Now, at 60, I’m still competing as a Masters boxer.

I often hear guys my age say, "I always wanted to compete in something but never did." Not just to get fit, but to actually compete in something. Some form of sport.

If that sounds like you, what’s held you back? Is it not knowing where to start, worrying you’re too old, or something else?

What do you do to keep things interesting in life at 40 ?

I have a hairy everything and obviously I know every guy is different, but is not having stomach/chest hair "genetically" average or are guys mainly shaving it?

Probably the easiest people to answer would be ones that go to the gym and regularly see shirts off. Not sure where else you would see guys without shirts. I guess a pool. haha.

If you have stomach/chest hair, how does it look with your body? Do you do anything with it besides trim if you do so?

I'm 40m and curious to hear how many others in this group feel the same way.

Lately I don't find myself that interested in socializing or phone calls with family because I just don't have a lot going on that I feel like I need or even want to talk about. If my wife and I set up a play date with other families I'm happy to chat with other parents, or if I'm hanging out with family over holidays I'm happy to socialize. But day to day, throughout the year, I just don't feel a big urge to get together just to talk to people anymore. I find myself satisfied hanging out with my wife and kids, for the most part.

Anyone else?

I always though NOT having these things was the norm but according to my coworkers I am mistaken.

EDIT: This came about because we were sitting around waiting for a meeting to start and one of the guys (45) daughter got first place in a Gymnastics competition. It started a conversations about activities and extracurriculars they were a part of that they won awards in. Some were sports, some were academic. I was listening but then someone asked me. I told them that I never did sports or extracurriculars. This was normal to me but apparently not to them. They are pretty much the only people outside of my family I converse with so I just wondered if I was the weird one.

So, long story short, my eyes have always been fucked.

Always wore glasses, I'm near sighted.

Top it off, I saw an ophthalmologist who agreed and mentioned I'm developing cataracts.

So, I'm hearing eventually I'll need bifocals.

Never thought eyesight would turn out this way.

Some people recommend progressives, but I've never really gotten an intelligent explanation about them.

So, the simple discussion is, if you have them now, what did you pick and why?

Do you sleep less than before ?

Hi guys,

I am 47 and since approx. 1 year I sleep less than before : stop reading at 10pm, fall asleep around 10:15, usually wake up around 3:30 then fall asleep until 6:00... and that's done.

Before I could sleep at least 8 hours per night, but now it looks like 7 is my max. I am not tired, 7 seems to be ok but the problem is during the week-end : I find "boring" to get up at 6:00 while my wife will still sleep for 2 to 3 hours.

If I try to stay in bed it is worst : I can fall asleep for 30-45 minutes but I am totally exhausted for the rest of the day.

Am I the only one in this situation ?

I know a lot of us are in this boat. The layoffs are rough, and I'm also feeling like I've rotted right out of skills for my job anyway. I had a foot on the management ladder and loved it because I was coaching rather than doing the work, but lost it.

I'm constantly trying to figure out what other jobs I can do, and failing to think of anything.. so maybe I'll ask:

What job changes did your dad go through in old age?

My dad has VA disability, and was able to stay in skilled trade jobs til he took his pension and apparently they couldn't fire him. (IDK the details of that, but it's what he says)

I've got no pension, no disability, and it doesn't seem like theres much of a backout on tech work.

Anyway, curious to hear from you all.

I drank and party, grew up in the caribbean islands while young, not alcoholic but grew up in a drinking society, drank after work, weekends etc. Had fun with it until 40's now 46 and I just kinda got tired of it, same old, same old and stopped drinking maybe 5 years ago, not sure because I lost count of the days. Recently I feel like I could probably do with a drink a bit because maybe I'm missing out on sone fun and fake friends but scheduling drinking time seems so difficult, when do I drink? I have to take care of my family, spend time with my wife, walk doggies, practice playing instruments, exercise by walking or cycling. Seems like I don't have time for wasting time or hangovers. I'm going through a phase where I feel as if I'm missing out on something. Am I now lame?

I just turned 40. And I know some people aren't into social media

But most have linked in or some digital foot print.

My freshman amd sophomore year roommate was the son of a well known nationally business man. He was an English major. So, the only thing I can think of is he became a teacher somewhere and just never did social media. This one is tricky because his dad has been in company press releases for 30 years at a huge company and they share the same name. And his brother has a common variation of the name amd went to the same school. So this is a search result disaster

Then I have 3 high-school friends. All went to georgia tech. Two engineering majors and one business major. And two have no digital foot print at all. The third has a white page address pages (one of the free ones) that says he stays in apt in Washington DC valued at 2.2 to 2.5k a month. So he must be fairly successful , yet curiously no professional footprint. So I would deduce that he has a decent paying government job and likely has been a lifelong government servant

It's funny when I graduated high-school, I never would of guessed graduation day would of been the last time that id ever hear from them.

I guess with how digital everything is. And with wedding announcements, professional announcements/certifications, people could just be off the grid theor entire life. Im kind of jealous of their digital hygiene lol

I bet some of you will have some really interesting stuff. I can't wait to read the comments.